Friday, March 15, 2002

yea i just wrote an entry on how i want to be a teacher, cause i've had crappy teachers, and want to show them up.

but i didn't want to post it. instead i want to just say something worth reading. i write for myself, and i think that i am the most critical. i do look back on these and when i see something i posted that's garbage, i get down on myself.

i also look at other's blogs and say to myself, how would i feel if i wrote that? usually it's about their day, or what's new with them. it's as if people write what it is that they'd normally say in those useless conversations with people that you'd never put any effort into keeping in contact once you stop coincidentally crossing paths.

i guess in an unconcious effort to aviod those conversations all together, but in actuality promoting them by fueling the fire of useless conversation between the two people.

which pop's up a question. or a concept, of unconciousness. i see lots of things go on by lots of people. and i'm wondering if they're doing what they're doing without knowing it? conveying my idea only by words without diagrams and hand motions is hard enough. but the way i see it is that people end up "doing something unconsiously" simply by not being able to see where they're going. or refusing to look where they're going. i don't mean when they're walking/driving but in life.

they focus on the immediate goals, or the immediate actions that bring satisfaction, yet if they were to continue with that they'd end up somewhere that doesn't bring any satisfaction, or minimal. but they fail to see that. or like on a rollercoaster they see that there's a hill after the dip, which is good (but don't see that there's an even larger dip after that hill)

where am i going with this? what am i saying? i think i lost focus here of where i'm going. these kids talking here all loud about some med school applications distracted me and i'm mad cause last night i thought of some really cool ideas and forgot them today cause i was too tired to write them down

maybe it was all just a dream. is this a dream?


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