Monday, March 29, 2004

Q: what are the chances?

A: 1 in 365.242199

according to 1 year is 365.242199 days. so every 4 years we have an extra day, that's where leap year shows up. ANYHOW so i figured what are my chances, because today, i went into a database at work, pulled up an old form with the intentions of creating a new form by simply modifying an existing form and when i got to the date portion, i see 03/29/01 in the date box. i thought to myself, WOW today is 03/29/04!! that's the same day 3 years ago! what are the chances?! so then i figured, the chances that it'd be march 29th is 1 in 365.2- you get it.

so why is my luck so fancy on an occasion like this, but not in other instances. for example my bank accnt? why don't i get an accidental deposit of $2,000.00 from an unknown unverifyable source that nobody picks up on but me? does that have the same chances at 1 in 365.242199? i don't know. or how about on my way home with that darn O.C./L.A. traffic, suddenly everyone just moves out of my lane so that i'm able to fly home in 25mins at 80miles per hour while everyone is at 20.

that's all dandy. whatevers. so i used up my luck of the odds on saving me a few keystrokes, i'm over it... cause i have found a website that really show's you that size is all relative.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

who really cares??

i was being yelled at by someone. and it got me pretty upset. i was in the wrong, she was in the right, i was being scolded for being wrong. as a result, i was upset. messed up my whole morning. i wanted to argue my point, tell her why i was right, and she was wrong. but it was an uphill fight in a downhilll whirlwind. no dice for our hero.

the later on that day i encountered an aggresive comment from someone, and that comment really didn't need to be said. but this time, instead of ruining my evening, and fighting back to prove that i'm right, you're wrong, what i say/do/feel is valid, and what you do/say/feel is incorrect. you're a piece of shit and should die a horrible slow (but not too slow, cause i don't want you around too long) death!

and in that moment of raging emotions and aggression, i had an eppifianny (how does one spell this mideval word) life would kick ass if i.. just.. didn't.. care....

just don't care. f-it. screw it. forget it.

don't care. sure i'm wrong, i don't care, i'll fix it... la dee daa

"aggressive comment towards ameer here" *shrug* whatevers, i'm going to go do something i enjoy, i don't care what you do

not caring about what is going on, it's really tough. i see people in the work place argue passionately over something that doesn't really matter to their daily life, the history of the world, the survival of humanity. nothing. it's just some more paper work or a different way to do something. i have friends who complain about the same such. it's very hard to not care about something that you pour your hours into daily. but if you master that, the reward is gold. a free clear mind, less stress, and a nice piece of mind that small shit dudint boder me.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Friday, March 19, 2004

new year

for those who don't know. today is persian new year.

happy new year.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

i'm not the best

i'm not the best anything. when i sit down and think about it, someone's always better than me.

i like computers, i consider myself to know a bit about them. but luis can program like a mother, my co-worker gregorio has the best general knowledge of computers than anyone i've met, he's not even in IT, and the IT guy asks him for advice/help!! hong is awesome at tennis, graphic design, fishing, picking up those girls you just want to say you talked to at the end of the night at random clubs. james is awesome at snowboarding, skateboarding, guitar, billiars... gene can play guitar, befriend anyone in a matter of mins, or turn a wack sausage fest into a "that was such a fun night". sonic is a better writer, and dj than i am. i could list shit forever, people that know more history, car knowledge, music, friends, places, cultures, languages, foods, secret handshakes....

i feel like i've nothing special to offer. i'm not the strongest, tallest smartest... i think some old chinese guy said that you want to surround yourself with people smarter than you. but how smart are these guys you're surrounding yourself with if they surround themselves with stupid you, and you both know that they're smarter, and you're not... they'd be doing something stupid. it's a catch 22. ok he didn't say "it's smart" to surround yourself with people smarter than you, so i guess... ok, stopping that right now.

did i mention i love my ipod. love. yes. iTunes is pretty good. it's visuals are quite captivating

so how do i cope with my "i'm not the best at anything" complex? i don't. i just accept it. i've learned that if i want to be the best at something, i will have to devote myself to that one thing, and only that. meaning i'd have to drop other things. that's why i'm an avg dj, know enough to get by with computers, can skateboard better than the average 24 year old, understand how a car engine works and can explain it but can't rebuild one, i'm sorta fun when i get to a party, and i've learned enough spanish that i could get by at a taco shop like i actually speak spanish, but am just a quiet person with a bad accent.

being mediocre is pathetic, but being mediocre in a lot of things, is impressive. or maybe just i think this...

Thursday, March 11, 2004

get your friends, and my friends, and we can be friends

is there something that i don't see here?

i've noticed something after talking to a few people, or maybe just noticing the different comments people make, facial expressions, or the blatant "what the fuck are you doing?" des asks me (she's a blunt one, and i love that) when i mention you.

am i blind to something that many others see? people that i talk to seem to think it's a bigger deal than i do. i've got no underlying intentions or ulterior motives, yet people think i do, or even ask me if i do. i don't see it. what's so wrong about dinner once a week or even once every 2 weeks with someone who you used to date? is it wrong? once you date someone, and break up you're not to hang out anymore?

in a relationship you get to know each other, and learn the good and bad characteristics of the other person. and you learn to like them for those. it's a big commitment, and investment. i don't see how i can throw away an investment like that based simply on a rule that we seem to think makes life simpler and easier. the rule of excommunicating someone after you date them. i don't see it that way. others do.

i guess that the thought is that if a couple breaks up, then there was a reason for it. more times than not that reason hurts feelings, and when feelings get hurt, people aren't forgiven (so it seems). i'm not a grudge holder.

i see this as somewhat of a problem for me more times than not. i forget, instead of forgive. many times i will see someone from my past, and the fact that i'm seeing someone that i haven't seen in so long i get a feeling of excitement instead of remembering how we last parted, and the hostile feelings i once felt. remembering who burned me, isn't something i feel is relevant to my everyday life. and i usually won't recall this without some sort of memory jogger.

i'm like a shark, word on the street is that they have a memory of a few minutes or something. like the movie memento where guy pierce has to write everything down, even on his body, to remember what he's even doing.

or, they see me and they hear me talk, and they see what i don't see. and they're looking out for me cause i am getting myself in a situation that could result in undesirable circumstance? i dunno? it's not an issue of trust.... it's an issue of "i don't know what i'm doing"

so what do i do? i'm sorta asking you what you think? i know you don't read this, or am pretty sure you don't, but in writing it down to you, i think it makes me see a different perspective. your perspective hopefully, but who can really predict how another person feels.

on a super happy i won't forget this in a million years note, i got me one of deeez:

and i'm in love. 20GB of pure pleasure.

sidenote- having a great night is just like falling in love. it just happens, you can't plan it, you can try and sometimes it seems like everything will work out yet the magic isn't there. but then when you're not expecting anything... or just spontaneously decide to go do something instead of arrange the 25.08 GB of mp3 files you've accumulated in the past 3 years, that's when the night gets crazy and fun and wild and everyone talks about "yo, remember that night when..." yea. like that.

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

how far i've come?

when i graduated i had no job lined up. so i went to work at happy carwash for $60.00 - $70.00 bucks a day. we're talkin hard physical work. in the sun, down in el cajon, where's that you ask? inland south san diego. aka desert. aka hot as fuck. aka sweating while you sit in the shade and fan yourself. now picture vacuuming a full size van that reeks of mcdonalds fries, is plastered with dog hair that refuses to come off the bench seats even with the industrial strenght vac, oh yea... in 100degree weather, while some ass is pointing out everywhere you didn't vacuume. and this is all happening with my freshly completed Batchelors of Science in Mechanical Engineering from the fine institute of The University of California Irvine. yea, i washed cars.

so today our field rep had her car egged. not at our site, at her home. but she came in and demanded a clean car. we're the supplier she's the customer. customers feed us so we went in and got her car cleaned. $20.00 later she wasn't happy with how her car was. so it was my turn. i decided to do this right... so i talked to the owner of a carwash (a co worker of mine gets his corvette washed there every week, has been going to this place for 25 years) and told him the scenario and why i was bringing a car that was just washed (2x i may add, he had them do it again) to be detailed and buffed.

i get back, hand the company credit card and recipt to my boss and he tells me "you didn't think that you'd be taking cars to get washed when you were in school studying to be an engineer" and i thought. well, i used to be the guy washing the car. and now i'm the guy paying $58.00 to get a champaigne dodge intrepid that had just been washed 2x buffed and waxed. it was a small moment of realization. yes i've come a long way. but i still got so far to go, someday i'm going to be the one with my car egged having a supplier getting my car washed! well i don't want my car egged...

Thursday, March 4, 2004

those actors that can't act and can't hack the hack

"yo, let me ask my def peeping doggy squad what we're doing tonight..." -jon yang(k)

the previous has nothing to do with the latter on this post. but i'm so jacking that saying from my "boy dog" jon.

i watched the academy awards as did tons of other no-life having cuddle buddies on a sunday night. and i found myself annoyed. why was i so annoyed? the actors, them and how lord of the rings won every single time. i got sick of their theme song being played as the grinning fat guy with long hair would walk down the carpet.

here's the kicker:

this is an awards show, for actors and actresses. people who memorize lines, then recite them with the most convincing emotions and mannerisms. they're the best at what they do and they look good doing it. i'm an engineer. i solve problems, design parts and processes, i'm a professional geek and i am the best at what i do.

SO, when these actors get nominated, get all dressed up to go to the awards ceremony, slip on their $10,000.00 outfit made especially for them by mr XXXXXX fashion guy, they somehow forget their lines, and become a regular pathetic no talent person upon their acceptance speech. that's what irks me. the acceptance speech. these professional line sayers can't say their damn lines! and it's like a 30 second thank you speech that usually sounds like this:

"this is just so amazing, i'd like to thank everyone, bob, jim, irma, craig, jenny, oh and my mom, god, all the fans" -lame actor impersonation

kill me! these people work in the entertainment industry, and they're so unentertaining. actually these are the best of the best at acting, and this is the time that we find out, the awards ceremony!! this is humiliating, has anyone ever thought of this before??

note: adam sandler once had a kick ass speech, went something like, "i'd like to thank my mom, and my dad. because without them, i wouldn't be here. i'd also like to thank the motel 6 on 5th street, because without them my parents wouldn't have slept together. i'd also like to thank the makers of arbor mist wine, because without them my mom would not have been drunk enough for my dad to have sex with her thus allowing me to be here today." that shit was funny. i applaud mr. sandler.

let me draw a parallel. let's pretend that engineering somehow becomes the famed position among this twisted society. and there's a televised engineering awards ceremony, where the winner (he who performed the greatest engineering feat) had to come up to the stage and do a small demonstration of his engineering skills. i tell you, i'd practice that shit like no tomorrow. i'd have every single limit, integral, dx/dt memorized and i'd even practice out how my arms look as i write on the chalk board, where my feet go, how my head looks as i pretend to be in deep thought as if i'm winging the whole thing. but if i took the actor's approach. i'd just go up, write 1+1= 3.5, smile, shake my $10,000.00 dress, and get drunk on the way back to my seat readily awaiting my next glorious speech about bob, jim, irma, craig, jenny, oh and my mom, god, all the fans.

Monday, March 1, 2004

ooooo so sexy

sex is the meaning of life. it's why things live. to reproduce. if there were no people on the planet, just rocks, fish, trees, bushes, monkeys, lizards, and bugs, that'd be true. but people. oh yea us homosap-whatevers we break all rules and definitions. is it cause we're so smart? i think not. complex, yes. smart is not always complex. actually, i feel that smart is NOT complex. like so complex that it's simple. sorta like an ipod. but not exactly, cause we have eyes.

so sexy devides up into 2 different categories. (actually there's a million. but i see two very very genral categories) there's the supermodel sexy. the sexy that you and i can't and won't have, it's almost so theoretical and unattainable that it's not really worth fantasizing about. after reading a bit of maxim and hearing about these surreal sex goddeses that we all worship it's pretty hard to imagine actually having sex with her in my mere mortal form here. i'd have to go on the real world or average joe in order to cheat the beaten path of fame and fortune and get my face on the cover of US weekly. (or any other grocery store tabloid) so there's the unattainable perfect sexy.

then there's the real sexy. the one that we all know and love and resort to when we realize our heads are in the clouds. i'm talking the cute girl in history class that has the funny rim glasses and the pink shirt that you like oh so much on her. the way she walks and the way she talks... it's been said a thousand times over and over. but this is the sexy that we all are familiar with on a personal passionate level.

what i'm learning is that one of the two categories changes. the other, does not. the category 1 sexy doesn't change. celebs pave the way for what's ultimately sexy. they're the ones everyone wants, can't have, and mimic pathetically with no leadership ability but more following ability than a herd of sheep. that sexy is like concrete.

the other sexy, that one changes. in middle school, the girl with boobs was sexy. all other girls i knew didn't even have any. yet i saw so many on TV, so sure enough the first set i saw i thought they were sexy. then on to highschool, and it was the provocative, outgoing, spoiled girl that every guy somehow had a crush on. she was sexy and so was her parent's mercedes. college was a definite turning point. the crazy, the eccentric. sexy went from one trait/personality/style to an infinite number of combinations. and now. now is the scary point. it's the mature qualities that are sexy. a friend told me that we're at an akward time in our lives at 24 years old. you're not an adult yet, not really. you have the responsibilities of one, and expectations of one, yet again you don't have all the benefits of being an adult.

i've noticed though, a girl who has a career (i mean she has a salary instead of $xx.xx/hr) and is totally supporting herself is sexy. responsible, yet fun, young, yet an adult... in a similar position as me. that's sexy. is it sexy? i dunno... is sexy and attractive getting confused here? shit. how did i just realize that at the end of this wrist intensive post! it matters not, i'm not getting any sex from this anyhow!