Monday, August 26, 2002

in japan

well here i am, in japan. it's different, but i even knew that much before coming here. coming to japan and seeing "westerners" is weird cause they all desire to do "western" things. that whole 'don't know what you got till it's gone' phrase comes into affect yet again here.

things i enjoy about japan. i'm different. lots of people here stare at me. when i look at them they turn away. except for the other different people. say for example i'm walking in a massive crowd of japanese people and i see an oncoming white person. their eyes will be fixed on me. and from their facial expression it's like they are about to talk to me. if i were to say a what's up? or a hey dude they'd prolly bust out into their life story. i was warned about this from a fella who lived in nipon for 2 years. he said that he'd never see an english speaker, and when he did he just wanted to hug them! i see that in other people. personally, i don't miss english speakers since i have english/japanese speaking friends who practically baby me. but i'm a baby so it's needed.

it's muggy here. way humid. haven't seen the sun for 2 days, but sweat like a beast.

starting to miss my friends. miss my house. miss my room. miss my phone. miss deborah, my car. don't miss work. not at all.

*key point this trip* i'm trying to find out how to load mp3's onto my new digital camera which is the size of 6 creditcards stacked on top of each other, so that i can listen to mp3's while i go bike riding thru rice patties. then take pictures of course, or maybe even 30 second .mpg movie clips with sound....

ya life's pretty hard i have to say.

so i'm having fun. we're tossing around the idea of going to korea for the weekend...

imagine telling someone that... hey let's go to korea for the weekend? sure, why not.

Wednesday, August 21, 2002


i'm off to japan, so the two of you who read this daily, will definately miss me. i'm sorry but i did put up a nice pic just for the occasion!

i'll jot down thoughts as they come to me and get back.....



Monday, August 19, 2002

old people

i know why young people hate old people...

cause old people have been thru so much crap and have been so patient for the majority of their life that they've lost their patience and just don't give a f*ck anymore. i'm getting old.

which makes you hella respect the old people who are cool as hell and patient too. cause those guys were probably never patient and they finally tried it and found out how much stress they relieved from being so.

i'm guessing here.

and i'm going to bed here....

Sunday, August 18, 2002

for a second

intresting, my weekends have become lately. the last 24 hours have really been different. sure i went to closing for spop, a program that i have dedicated three quarters and three summers to. it's over now. but it's never really over. although for some reason i had a strange, new, yet very old, feeling come over me today. i didn't know what to do about it. or do with it. it's just people. people. they're everywhere yet feels like there never really there.

guess all i'm trying to say is that last weekendi had a good time. and i'm pretty confident in my very near future.

Thursday, August 15, 2002


we're so stuck on endings. why is that? i mean the single journey starts with a first step sorta thing makes each step just as important. so then why is the ending the pressure time? the ending is what has to be perfect all the time? i'm not good at endings

i'm a middle person.

the middle is usually the best, cause you realize how far you've come, and still have quite a bit to still look forward to... most people don't see things the way i do. and i'm slowly figuring that out... that's why people say "ameer's just.. ameer"

that's another entry tho, this one's all on endings.

we anticipate the best endings. endings are what we fantasize about, endings are what we worry about.

endings to school, endings to relationships, endings to dates, endings to holidays... even the end of our lives.

there's some things that i've put my heart into. and for the most part they ended on a pretty sour note, or well they ended and i was initially unhappy about the ending since it wasn't the way that i had anticipated. sure it's naive to set hopes and then dwell on them. i am/was/will be naive not on purpose! but i just had an ending. and it definately was NOT what i had anticipated. i almost imagined myself running thru a beautiful feild of knee high grass and dandelions while keeping innocent children from fallin off the edge into the pif of maturity.

instead i found myself stooped on a guilty stair in a room full of regret, with tears and sniffly noses. letting friends down really kills me. i hate missing out on what my friends are doing, it eats me up inside to miss them. and when i hurt them it kills me more. so how does the ending really turn out to this story?

endings are only defined by the person who's ready to end. like the man said, it's all relative. i say it's not over until my beautiful ending has appeared and i'm back with my hands on my hips, moving my head like a rooster back and forth, kicking my feet up high, while cheering " we are the eagles, ya ya the eagles!"

all endings are good, just need to know when to end, and when to say you're in the middle.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002


it's hard these days to know who's your friend and who's going to be gone the next day. after highschool i had the best feeling in the world since i had such a tight knit group of friends and was certian that we'd be that way till the end of time.

i've been surprised at who i've kept in contact with and who i've lost touch with as well. i would never have guessed the actual outcome. life's just like that tho isn't it?

so then as my college career winds down, will the same thing happen. will the people who i spend the most time with become distant memories with a bitter taste to them, and will those friendships that i was certian would die out less than a month out of school turn into a lifelong friendship?

i guess you can't really know until it's over. but this past weekend i sure was assured, about a few of my friends that is, that the future looks somewhat good as far as my friendship with them. nothing like some bad times to make you realize the good times.

Tuesday, August 6, 2002


so here's the deal...

iv'e been thinking quite a bit about what to write here, and i've thought about tons of good entries to this journal that i would totally enjoy looking back on and reading.

yet i have documented none. why is that? i have no clue, somehow my priorities are just not oriented at my web page. that'll change i'm currently working on getting a daily picture (web cam) going.. how cool would that be! i'd be stoked!

i just gotta put the code in and stuff and then mess around with it and get lots of help from people... but ya in the mean time, i have a web cam all set up that is sometimes live from my room!!

the link is here so check me out sometime!

as a reminder to myself, my room is clean, like pretty clean, the cleanest it's been since i moved in. and my room's condition directly affects my life at that same instantaneous moment. usually my room is a disaster. i know where everything is because i left it there. and i know what piles of clothes are dirty and what piles are clean. there's always nicknacks and whatnot just hanging out in different spots but i know their purpose and have a plan for them whether it's in near future or not.

but this weekend was a weekend for me to get myself together, to take care of issues that had been put off. this past weekend was just "chill" but i did notice one thing. pressure

i'm noticing these signs.

and well i'm a sign person. listening to what the signs say is something that i believe in...

why do i believe in listening to the signs?

easy: everyday we make choices. and sometimes there's very hard choices to make, either because both outcomes are bad or both are good and you're just not sure which would be better in the long run. so what do we do? we look to the signs to direct us.

although signs are only signs because we declare them signs. this means that since we have the power to subconciously declare or disregard signs, that the signs that we see must be towards the correct decision. there are an equal number of signs each pointing to a different option for our decision in question. but there will only be a few of these signs noticed. and in noticing that sign we're lead to the correct path.

Monday, August 5, 2002

web cam

check out what i added!!!

i wrote an entry at work today, but forgot to post it!

oh well.. tomorrow