Wednesday, July 28, 2004

what jon said

my friend jon blogged about how he grew up in an asian american household (though he generalized and said most "ethnic" households are similar), and how tough it was to get some affection from his parents, and now he feels that may be the reason that he isn't giving his friends/loved ones affection that they deserve.

i used to think similarly to this way, untill one random time i jokingly said some kind words expressing how much i appreciated and liked them and saw how she lit up when i said these words.

sometimes people need to hear things that are implied. the reaction i got from saying a few nice words was facinating. the old mentality of "if i spend time with you, call you, email you, etc... that means you're worth my time, and i like you" is easy. and it'd work better if the world was only males. but hearing someone say something nice about you is very moving. especially if it's a close friend.

i grew up in the opposite of jon's world. my mom and dad always did and do says they love me. i get hugs and more hugs when i go home to see them. my family is full of affection and jon's is opposite.

this conflicts when i befrend someone like jon. who's path do we take? mine? his? a mix?

i have a friend who once told me that she never says "i love you" to anyone even her parents. i told her "i've been friends with her for years, and that i love you". her face was shocked for a few mins after i said these super powerful words so nonchalantly. but i did, i do! i love my friends and family, and i tell them. you have to, if everything was just implied then why talk? the phrase actions speak louder than words implies that words aren't loud, well they are. actions are just a little bit louder.

that same friend now will text message me or email and leave a "love, ____" at the end. because it's better to say it too much than not enough. i respect jon's way of showing affection, or lack thereof, but it's not the way i do things.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

momma always said "you never stop learning"

i graduated from college. from the great institution of UCIrvine. (our mascott is the anteater, and i'm reminded of this daily by my USC and UCLA alumni co-workers. what does this mean? well, 5 years and lots of debt...

yes, but there's more. one can't just show up to good ol' UCI and start their academic studying. 4 years of high school, 3 years of junior high, 5 years of grade school, a year of kindergarden, and some pre-school... pre-school!! i went to a school in order to learn how to go to school!!!!

this totals up 19 years of taking classes. I'm only 25 years old, and as an infant I don't see myself being coherent enough to learn much more than how to cry, relieve myself, and sleep. (really miss that sleeping thing, i practiced that a lot)

so i've been learning a lot. learing, taking classes, honing my skills so that i'll be a benefit to society. thing is, i feel that the stuff i've learned shouldn't have required 19 years. but that's not the real point here....

i've taken a lot of classes, had a lot of teachers, sat/slept through lots of lectures. i've colored the pictures in the lines and memorized my spelling words for the weekly wednesday spell testing (i did horribly of course) .

so recently i found myself with a list of classes i wanted to take: cullinary, welding, adobe photoshop/illustrator, macromedia flash & dreamweaver, bartending, real estate, scuba diving, autocross or a performance driving class, and of course i'd like to get my MBA...

these are things i really want to learn. now come to think of it, if i were to go full time as a student, i could knock these courses out in 1 year(not including the MBA). i've worked 19 years in schools and classes interpreting books and simplifying equations... but that doesn't pay bills, or impress chicks. the two highest prioritys on my list.

maybe i feel cheated a bit that i am now paying hundreds of dollars a month in order to knock out a debt of thousands of dollars and i still don't know the stuff that i would like to know from going to school. if i want some more skills (the ones that i am impressed with) i'm going to have to take some more classes.

when mom said you never stop learning, i thought that there were life lessons i'd encounter and there were people and situations that i was to learn from. i think i misunderstood her... "you never stop going to school" is most likely what she said. i never trust my memory.

Friday, July 9, 2004

straight edge is scary edge for me

everyone has stress. everyone has issues of heartache and some sort of problem that they would like to get off their back. in compensation for these stresses and probmlems as living animals that we refer to as human beings, we need a way to "let it out!" and since our 40 hr a week, 50 week a year, schedule doesn't allow us to visit hawaii as often as we'd like to, this is the reason we have the weekends.

some need to release more than others. some release by different means than others. personally i drink. i love it. it's great. my mon-thurs is spent daydreaming about where and what i'm going to drink that weekend. and if i'm not drinking, then i'm either sick as heck or dead. the latter hasn't happened yet but it's getting closer to becoming true. there's those who don't drink. and i respect their wishes, it's not for everyone. but it makes me wonder what is their release? how do they "let it out"

thru my years of educational teen movies/sitcoms/cartoons and of course the many wonderfully pointless hours of mtv trash has molded my ideas such as thus: substance release vs the sexual release.

the scene is set with the "main guy", he's trying to get the girl (perfect setup for a teen movie.) he's always gotta be the main guy cause girls are harder to get than drugs/alcohaul. then there's the sidekick. the one who needs no girl for his release, he's happy getting intoxicated. so the intresting story is the sober dude's escapades in attaining this perfect figure, not the sidekick's tribulations to finding a liquor store. all the while the "main guy's" sidekick is intoxicated and completely happy with life. he sees things completely simple and when he tells the "main guy" what he thinks the "main guy" has an epiphany. the only thing not set in our sidekick's world is that his homefry doesn't have the chick he so desires and can't stop thinking about her.

and that's it.

so who are you? i'm the sidekick... i'm content with myself catching a nice buzz and enjoying a simple release of the day's stresses and deadlines. i fear the people that will never take the role of the sidekick. they're going to spontaneously combust someday due to lack of release. and that's a bad thing for the sidekick, especially if he's wearing one of those new white shirts mom bought him. so for sidekicks sake, become a sidekick once in a while... hey it happens... movie reference: beginning of half baked (before dave chapelle became the "main guy" and quit the substance release and started the sexual release)

Wednesday, July 7, 2004

"the ones who entertain themselves are the ones we think are crazy, but they're the only ones that will always keep their sanity"

it's so common that if you're not doing something that takes up 100% of your concentration and someone asks what it is you're up to, you simply say nothing. but it's never nothing.

i feel that i can hold my own better than most, by entertaining myself with daydreams, flashbacks, and games. things i do readily while driving or sitting in traffic school... you know, when i'm "doing nothing"

for example i just walked for an hr to the stater brothers down the street. 30 mins each way. to buy stamps. and all the while i just looked around and kept myself entertained. i did have a phone call, but for the majority of the trip i was alone. and it's ok. being alone is not so bad, and being alone is for people who can entertain themselves.

i've seen countless people eating alone while talking on the phone. it's sickening. put down your phone, enjoy the view of whatever you got, enjoy the absence of conversation and company. we're so dependant on attention it's sick.
just the right time

driving in the car, you pick up your friend, and tell them "hey you gotta hear this song!" so you pop it in and pretty soon you're talking to your friend or someone calls or something happens where the focus of you two just isn't on the song. it's on something else. maybe you haven't hung out and need to catch up.

on the converse there's that perfect time. a song comes on the radio, after a while of driving, or after a night of partying, or just in the most unpredictable time... and what happens? you both feel the song. it's majic! driving down the street, not talking, just both bobbing your heads to the perfect song for the perfect moment. and thing is, these songs can't be predetermined. they have to be randomly selected, as in, running the random function on your ipod, and BAM it hits you with a song. the song makes your -tired and i wanna get up and stretch- body start dancing in it's uncomfy seat!

i've had tons of these moments, they're what make weekends great. but never thought to document one.

keep a look out for them, i hear they can show at anytime.