Saturday, November 30, 2002


so i tried to get this damn cd changer to work in my car. no matter how small the job, or how simple the task there's always a complication. life, nature, the universe... all three have one thing in common: complications. damn i'm frustrated.

so i'm surfing's recently updated blogs... i hope to be on that site someday, but the links change by the minute! in my searching i've stumbled upon one blog which caught my intrest. it's not wonderful or great. it's really easy reading and after searching hundreds of sites this one sticks out in my mind. maked you realize that anyone can just throw down a poem.

maybe i'll start writing poems, i'd be too afraid to post one here, but maybe i'll start. who knows.

Sunday, November 24, 2002

turn ons

I was in MAE 151 (Mechanical Engineering Design) on 11/7/02 and decided to write a list of turn ons:

[the image file is rather large, sorry but i decided that a scan in would be cooler than if i typed it out....]

Saturday, November 23, 2002

in between the lines

i read the lines. in between the lines are spaces. FUCK the spaces, some people do without them, other people write their whole story there. personally i'm against that. reading in between the lines is guessing. no matter when or where, when you try to guess something, you'll get the outcome which YOU would most likely see... although, the actual outcome is determined by someone else guessing, which in turn is more than not different than your estimated outcome.

what does it all mean? forcing people to read inbetween your lines is bullshit. it's one of my damn pet peeves when someone for example is asked to the movies, and they say no i can't. i have to bla bla bla... and then the asker asks again and pleads, and blatantly says the entire eve will suck if you don't join me.. and then with a smile the askee complies and there they are, going to the movies.

when i say i don't want to go, it's because i DON'T want to go. if i feel like a maybe, i'll say maybe. if i feel yes, damn it i'll say yes... playing games, forcing others to read inbetween the lines, to read my mind through my deceptive actions and words is childish.

another thing that is my pet peeve is people who attempt to put themselves through misery to make another person "happy" that's a crock of shit. hollywood. one in ten thousand cases it works and that's what makes it such a romantic idea, but when someone says "i just want you to be happy" that's not going to make them happy. that's going to make them miserable, but they'll be miserable with a good reason. i'd much rather get dumped by someone and have that someone date a perfect suiter, than have them dump me for a sleez bag... cause then i can say that i was a good match, but not good enough. in case two my self esteem would be sub sea level since any old mushroom head will do for that person and for some reason i didn't qualify as scum bag enough, what's wrong with me??

i can't clearly state it altough the idea is clear in my mind.

maybe if i put spaces

inbetween my words

someone can see what it is i'm really trying to say

read my mind

and my words

know what i'm attempting to say

and respond in exactly the way i desire.

Thursday, November 21, 2002

those people

there's always those people... the ones who make your day just worth-while, when you unexpectadly see them you're excited, with hopes that you guys will hang out more often, get to know each other, become friends... they recipricate those feelings... fake plans (plans that are made and then forgotten, blown off, or flaked out on at the last minute) are made, or better yet plans to make plans are made... which is such a blatant yet always ignored sign that this person and you are and will always be but an acquaintance.

it's sad to think about, but it's true. once you come to reality about this, the less you will worry, and the more you will realize the people who are sincere about the plans that they make with you. those are friends. everyone has them... and everyone wishes that their collection is bigger than it really is.

excuse my grey outlook on the world but it's how i feel at this moment... i seem to pour all my sad and unhappy feelings into this site for some reason, it's my outlet for shitty feelings, so that when i see people's faces, i have dumped these out and i've only the happy fun feelings left over. it's like panning for gold, if anyone still does that around here.

***here's something for you math majors or (math haters) to figure out.. but don't spoil everyone's fun:


Monday, November 18, 2002

it's not my fault!!

somehow my blog community has fallen right in front of my face....

everyone who's writing inspires me has stopped writing, or just decided to update monthly all of a sudden. those who i'd read on a daily basis have also stopped or shown signs of just giving up...

there's always more to write. there's always something to be said. i've lost both of those though!! why? usually every three to four days while doing my daily chores of school, work, drinking, and sleeping i stumble upon a profound (what i believe is profound) idea that is worth writing about, and do so. the problem is that since 12days ago, i haven't had that profound thought... or maybe i have but i'm trying too hard.

i did watch that movie van wilder and there was a guy in that movie that sorta reminded me of an old friend. one who i don't really care for anymore, and i'm sure that he talks mad shit about me... and after that i wondered how it's strange that you can be friends with someone and then later on not be friends anymore. nothing ground shattering, just a bit of realization.

but in case you're wondering, i don't use spell check when i post to this web site for one simple reason. i don't know how to spell. and when someone does a search for something and the misspell that word just as i have, we have a commonality. and my site will pop up there since that word is found on my site and not on any others because people (should) post things that are spelled correctly. but we have a bond, i don't want to break that.

since this post licks big donkey balls i think i'll post a funny picture i took with my friends when we were on lincoln ave up in venice, CA....

this is like the opitomy of a homocide hotel:

just for kicks.

Wednesday, November 6, 2002

nothing to lose

going into most situations i look at what it is i have to gain first of all... then secondly what it is that i have to lose. if i ration that i have nothing to lose then i'll usually go ahead with the contemplated situaition... but if what i'll most likely gain from a situation is not worth what it is that i'll lose, then that is a sign for me to look elsewhere for what i was initially looking for.

fun entertaining example:

$20.00 bill.

so i'm walking down the parking lot to my car, on my way to somewhere when i look at the groud and i see a nice shiny twenty dollar bill looking at me saying hey can you be my new owner. head turn in both directions to see if there's a potential owner who has just recently left the scene.. none. i'm 20 dollars richer!! (richer implies that i was previously rich and am now richer, 20 dollars richer implies that 20 dollars is a large percent of my total bank account and implies the truth... i'm broke!) so i'm happy to have this new found andrew jackson picture

putting it into my pocket i ponder all the things i wish that i could have bought and the things that i wish i had enough money for, then i start to feel a concience and think about what bill this could pay for or what level my gas gauge is at in my thirsty car. either way, however i spend this money it doesn't matter... this money i could literally tear up and burn and i'd not know the losses since i didn't have to work for this and it really doesn't belong to me....

or does it?

now that i've come to this 20 dollar bill... i've added it to my own collection of money. it's a part just like my last paychecks and the change in my car cup holder. if i were to somehow lose this 20 like the previous owner did.... or worse yet bump into the previous and rightful owner and be forced to give it back, i'd feel the loss of this 20 dollars just as difficult as if it were my own hard earned 20 dollar bill. course i'd keep on telling myself that this was something that came to me for free and that i shouldn't even care cause i didn't have to do anything and it was there... but i'd still have that same feeling that it was $20.00 and it WAS mine and now it's NOT. a difficult concept to deal with, how long must you posess a 20 dollar bill in order to take it in as your own. if i were to immediately destroy it when it came to me would i feel less mourn if it were to sit in my wallet for three weeks and then after carrying it with me everywhere i go, realize that i was just as careless as the last person who had their hands on this bill.

there is something to lose. there is a reason to avoid finding that 20 dollars. but then again, that free tank of gas feels so much better than any other tank of gas, and deserves to be driven on an adventure, celebrated with those who will appreciate the value of a free tank of gas.

just because the 20 dollars didn't come to me conventionally like all other 20 dollar bills do doesn't mean i should treat it differently. after all it's 20 dollars!!!