Monday, October 28, 2002


attention. intrest. questions. ideas.

i love to meet people who are intresting. such an over-used word, intresting. People watching is something i do quite a bit. while at school, the people i pass by and see, while at work, while sitting at starbucks with my laptop updating my blog, i people watch and i go throught the process set up at the top.

there are some people who just get my attention...

so i develop an intrest in them...

which leads to questions

and then i try to answer those questions, and formulate ideas.

take for example the two girls in the soft chairs they're kinda cute, nothing fancy... two words describe them that turn me off though, abercrombie and fitch.

then there's the couple sitting to my right, cute girl but doesn't even hit the intrest part of the 4 step process, her boy, doesn't even get past step one.

the bigger guy with the sudo dreadlocks reading the cupon section of today's newspaper sure draws my attention, he's got an intelectual look under his grunge which i don't feel most people see. see, he's made it to the end, i've already got ideas about him.

the old man who couldn't walk slower if he tried, while carrying 3 identical paper bags sits at a booth reading the newspaper literally 5 inches from his face. the old nike air parka and his absence of a female imply that he's poor, the fact that he's been sleeping/reading for about an hour here without purchasing a coffee imply the same. but shit, i know for a fact that if i was 70+ years old and alone i'd go into a starbucks on a sunday night dressed like shit and read the paper by myself because at that age there's nothing to prove to anyone anymore. guess i look up to him... well my idea of him.

finally there's the really cute girl behind me. i've been thinking all this time how i'd describe her here. she has a cute look to her, but more than that i have no problem hearing her say or seeing her do extremely cute words and actions without even knowing that they are cute. (and yes i'm very partial to cute vs. other attractive charachteristics) snuggled in the comfy chair behind me... it's hard to get a good long look of her but i've managed a few times, certainly not enough tho, but can you ever sneek a peek enough? there's something about her, i can't put my finger on it but i've got an attraction to her in some way. is it the way she's presented herself? is it her body language? or is it the fact that i can fantasize about knowing her and spending time with someone who to me seems so intresting... the more i look at her the more ideas i get about her... and the more i like her. life is really random, here i am writing about Burn-In testing for my Unysis presentation and instead i'm spending time writing in my blog and checking out this girl who is sitting behind me. do i have a future with this girl? will i see her after today? i can't answer that... what is she thinking? is she as intrested in the old man who's reading the paper, or the fat kid next to him wearing his sunglasses. maybe, i've got her attention, or intrest, or she's got questions about me, better yet, ideas!

on a limb, i could fantasize that maybe somehow someway she'd accidentally surf onto my website, read my blog, look at my picture (prolly the fishing one!!! glory!) and recognize me as the intresting guy, with a yellow sanrio pencil case, typing intensely on my laptop at that one starbucks on that one night... and i'd float around in her mind just as she's floating around in mine.

some things would just be nice. but that's just an idea.

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

real quick

some guys do it for the house...

others only see the glory...

Sunday, October 20, 2002


with time always ticking, it is inevitable that things will and do change. for example, me. and my life. these are two things which in fact have changed daily and will continue to do so daily. some days it seems as if nothing changes. there are those other days that are eye openers and change life as we know it. examples of these i can not think of off the top of my head, which by the way is the underlying theme and reason for the existence of this website. the top of my head. no not my hair, but ideas. things that fly in on a gust of wind and then vanish just as fast. one day i decided to catch those ideas and document them... what a weird concept.

so changes happen, great, whoop. that's my grand topic for the moment? no. the results of change, the aftermath. sequel. step 2. next in line. what happens next.

the past few weeks, i have endured quite many changes. from living arrangements, to daily schedule, even the city has changed which i live in.

quite a bit of change for me i'd say. but that is all environmental. what results do such changes bring to one's behavior? sure i eat different foods at different times and sleep at different times but we're trying to dig deeper than that. do i think differently too? am i excited about different things now? is there certian people who i act differently towards. more interestingly enough, do other people reacting to changes in their lives act differently towards me?

dramatic changes are hard for people to understand or cope with. people fear change, although they know that it's inevitable. some people believe that they have reached happyness once, and change took it away from them, so their life quest was to find that which made them happy at that one moment in time. they can't accept the fact that change won't bring them back to where they were, it's impossible. things and people around you change even if you don't. so there is no way to go back.

a wise man who shared knowledge with me once said that he never goes back, because you can't. so when i asked "when do we go back to school?" he said "we aren't going back to school, we're going to school." -this was told to me when i was 16years old, and has stuck with me since then. i won't forget it. i can't go back, nobody can... yet we all try to, we all at some point wish to....

that is until change brings us something we weren't expecting. something that helps us remember the bitter taste behind the candy coated memories that we hold on to and strive to once again achieve. when something like this comes along the future is now anticipated instead of the past sought for. hnopes and dreams fill your head and before you know it the past which you so longed for isn't what you want at all. there's more out there to see and do, the tides of change are in your favor and you've got your sail set with a large wind headed your way. from the past, we now look to the future!

and this, my friend, is when i recall the 2nd of 3 very important things taught to me by the wise man that i once new....

"if you have one foot in the past, and another foot in the future. all you can do is piss on the present..."

the present, the NOW, carpe diem stuff... how about right now? the day, today. it's so easy to look forward and to look back, but to look ar right now is never easy. right now things aren't what we want. we want what's to be, or what has been. ever hear of the old people who complain about movie prices and how candybars used to cost a nickel...

that's right, so as i read this i question one thing to myself. what was the third thing that the wise man said to me?

"Ameer, don't leave any of them out. date them all: big girls, little girls, fat girls, skinny girls, black girls, white girls, all girls. then you know which ones you like."

Monday, October 14, 2002

two weeks in

last night i stopped a candle burning by putting my hand over the opening of the candle holder till the candle suffocated and died. it was a valiant display of masculinity...

what were we doing? it was 4am, and we were playing cards.

with that manly piece of information i'd like to share a metaphore that's been on my mind lately. sparked from the words of my friend "you're not looking for a girlfriend now are you?"

i took that question in and thought about it real hard. not about if i'm looking for a girlfriend now or not, the answer to that is easy, but to why he asked that question? he must see the world much different than i, or maybe he sees me much different than i. we both have different perspectives on both objects.

first i answered the question as such:

i always carry by bow and quiver of arrows, just in case...ya never know when the perfect doe willl pop out of nowhere, but then sometimes i just shoot bunnies and rabbits for fun. just for the sport!

this one gave a chuckle to the fellas and we were on our merry way to drinking, smoking, gabmbling... er more like playing guitar, chess, and cards all on our eventful saturday night.

but this metaphore doesn't fit the bill. it's missing something, it's actually backwards. i'm depicted as the hunter in this fantasy world where in fact i'm not the hunter, i'm more of a guardian. everybody has a large field, which represents their self. some people have a plush, diverse, intresting field, seen by everybody and very straight forward. other's have large walls around their field with guards and rifles. everyone has a dark place in their field where they keep the things that are precious to them. mainly what is referred to as the heart.

most people guard their heart, hide it away and make a fake one for people to come by and check out, and even stomp on when they desire. but then there's the real heart. the one that only a few are allowed into, and moreso than none noboyd leaves, even if that is what is desired.

i guard my heart. there have been a few sly folk who managed to trick me into showing them the real one, and then the decided to step on it...

but with every occurance like that, there are more than enough people who feel as if the almost don't deserve to see the real one and be a part of the sacred area of the field.

who will pass by my field today? i don't know. nobody does.

who will i let into my field today? anyone can come into my field, but i'll show them the decoy heart... only until you prove that you aren't planning to destroy my field, can i show you the real heart.

Saturday, October 5, 2002

finally situated

moving is the biggest hassle.

parting with your junk makes you remember good/bad times.

living on the third floor can suck when you don't have an elevator.

classes don't get eaiser as you take them, they get slower. time actually stops during some classes.

life without a computer connected to the internet is almost just not worth it... until the second day

seems like the world of books is also backwards. the get more expencive as time goes on, yet somehow their resale decreases as time goes on. well i guess that sums up my past week of moving in

As i'm sitting in class... i'm thinking something (other than the class material) and it hits me. there are two types of mentalitys. the first mentality is to take everything that one has experienced, and everything that one knows, and choose from those previous memories, which times brings them the most happyness.

on the same level as favorite food. if you ask me what my favorite food is i'll tell you that it was something i've previously eaten. how could something like fried snails, be my favorte food? if i've never eaten them? the only way i could say that they were my favorite food is if i had tried them. now then. i've listened to people talk about intellectual people. how they're so smart that they won't be able to be happy. because they somehow know what fried snails tastes like without even eating them... they've deduced using equations and relations that fried snails will be the best meal ever, and now thye're on a trek to get some fried snails. this is the second mentality. those who see what could possibly be, instead of resorting to past experience, they look to the "perfect" solution.

similar to a teenager. why are teens such pains in the neck? simple, they have this second mentality, which ultimately leads to unhappyness. for example: sally is our teenager. she just spent $200 on new clothes. she sees that her friend martha just got a new car, and wonders geez, why don't my parents get me a new car too! then she looks on to her friend debbie, who's parents just paid for her new snowboard. and sally thinks to herself if she gets a new snowboard, i want a new snowboard... her parents got her one, why can't i have one? all the while, martha is wanting $200 in clothes and a snowboard, and debbie complains to daddy about getting a new car and $200 worth of clothes.

teenagers see what it is that others have, and automatically think to themselves that they should also have that same thing. regardless one can't satisfy a teenager, and so instead of trying to make the teenager happy, we just let them grow out of their stage, and realize how the world works.

these intellectual people now, the ones who see everything that they want and know what it is that will bring them happyness... yet what it is takes so long and so much work to get, that they'll basically find happyness and then die...

i pose a questions to the "intelectual" individual, is it worth it to put yourself thru the torment and unhappyness, to prove that you're simply an old teenager who thinks that fried snails is their favorite dish, without ever tasting them?