Tuesday, September 21, 2004

so whatcha sayin'?

i can recall many instances when i didn’t know what to say. so i just said something, anything that came to mind. and what comes out is usually not a correct depiction of what i would like to actually say and how i feel. but these words come out either because i’m not 100% focused on what it is that i am doing, or because i don’t feel that i want to give this person 100% of my attention for fear that they in turn will end up partially zoning out on me while i’m full focused and attentive.

so while i’m giving people half assed answers or zoned out advice, up until now i have simply assumed that i’m the only human being on the planet that practices this concept. when in fact i am not, i’m sure i’m not. and now comes the part where i have to comb my memory banks and play detective on what who said when and where from the beginning of ameer time till this moment.

did she mean that? was he just talking isht? why did so-and-so say that?? i can write most of the conversations i’ve had with acquaintances under this category!

with friends it’s different. the people in my family and the friends that i have deserve a second shot. a second shot is when i do one of these zone-outs and catch myself. then i give them a “what was that?” or a “hu? what did i just say? i’m sorry”, and then focus and speak. i do this for them because they deserve my attention. sure it makes me sound like an idiot, but they love me unconditionally so they let it slide, and for all i know, they could be daydreaming while i’m talking anyhow. i didn’t say i demand friends/family to give me 100% attention, i just stated that i give it to them…

Monday, September 13, 2004

i’ve been busy

the world these days (my world that is, which consists of family, a handful of friends, and the all knowing internet which follows me at all times) everyone is busy as a bee. got things to do, got people to see, got tv to watch, and got noses to pick. i hear people use and abuse the word busy, it’s a not-so-secret code for “i just don’t have time for you, or your needs”. i can see how this post all of a sudden can be interpreted as the generic ‘complain about a girl situation’ post that i usually compose on this site, but it’s not. this spans a much broader population than the few females on this planet who i’ve conned into dating me.

for example i called my dr the other day, then i called again, and on the 3rd call i was told that she was busy and couldn’t help me as promptly as earlier promised. this was completely unacceptable. saying that you’re “busy” is a brush off, it’s a widely used cover-up. if she said that her facility is understaffed or that she has some time management issues, then i would have accepted that, and then thought less of her as a professional. but she doesn’t want to look bad, so she masks her incompetence with the “i was busy” line.

i don’t get away with this. if the boss comes to me and asks me why i haven’t got something done that needed to be done, and i say “i was busy”, he won’t give me the thumbs up and instruct me to continue as is. no way! i’d be booted out so fast my head would spin, and most likely catch a glimpse of the foot that’s kicking my ass on the way out.

now in social conversations, “i’ve been busy” is totally acceptable. this is used with acquaintances as well as with close friends. the difference is in the follow up. with acquaintances a nice and quiet awkward silence will follow, maybe even a non- convincing *sigh*, but with close friends an explanation of the “busy” events will follow and hopefully some compassion from the listening person.

now when i say i’ve been busy, i mean this in the most sincere way only. whether i know you, or i don’t know you very well, and we just talk when it’s awkward not to talk. i in no way am similar to those who i speak down on in this post. because i understand the magnitude of the word “busy” i myself have been very “busy” still i managed to write this and post it for the world to now reference.

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

what’s so best about the best?

a group of close friends and i were talking the other day about each other’s best friends, and close friends, and the hierarchy of friends, for our different friends. i found that there’s quite a constant trend, which gave me somewhat of a 120 volt, ac, 3.5amp zap! (that’s a big ass shock for those v=ir illiterate).

someone was asked “who’s your best guy friend” she answered “*best guy friend’s name*”. the next question posed was “would he call you his best girl friend?” the answer was “no”. initially, i couldn’t understand how they could have a best friend relationship without both being best friends of each other. then another person was asked… “who’s your best girl friend?” and his answer was a girl who also does not consider him her best guy friend. two! this happened two times in a row? have i stumbled upon something here? did i discover a bizarre best friend triangle? (<-honestly i thought that was super funny 80’s reference, and i’m positive nobody else did)

when i was asked who my best girl friend was, the answer was known already by the friends i was talking to. furthermore, if she was to be asked who her best guy friend is, my name would be the answer. so how do people have best friends that don’t reciprocate the “bestness” of the friendship?

in a relationship (the intimate kind between two lovers, not the “just friends/best friends” kind) it has been my idea that both the boy, and the girl, must hold each other in the same rank among people. this is in order to make things work out successfully. also, that rank has to be at the top of the chart for 80% of the time at least (everyone needs some sort of break). if the girl has a friend who takes precedence over her current boyfriend, then sooner or later things will turn sour. this is assuming that the boyfriend holds his girl at the highest friend status (ie. he plans weekends around her, she’s automatically invited when he is invited, his friends take a back seat to her, etc…) but what if each member of the intimate relationship has some external “higher up on the totem pole” friend that they hang out with more, then would the relationship last? hold the phone... i think i just described everyone’s first middleschool-and-or-highschool relationship!!

i was asked who was my best guy friend… and thanks to a blog that i wrote a while ago, i had already enstated that my father is my best friend! everyone’s father or mother should be their best friend, but that never works out does it…

now i’m wondering if someone considers me as their best friend and i don’t consider them as mine. am i as contradicting as the term “jumbo shrimp”?