Monday, May 27, 2002

the internet

the information superhighway, the web, the net, the place where i waste more time than most school kids do watching tv.

honestly, i'm an internet supernerd.

i'm happy if i have internet. and the scary thing is that i'm not alone.

what's so nice about it?

me sittin by myself looking at this damn monitor pushing these keys is not the boy's dream of spending a monday off form school is it?

take a look at my room, it's filty. my kitchen, even worse.

do i have anything to wear? course not, it's all dirty!

yet i sit here with this generations idea that not caring is cool, and procrastinating is fun.

i've overheard millions of "i'm lazier than you" conversations, and people take pride in that shit.

i've done so. it's like a competition.

let's compete to see who can do the least yet gain the most, seems like this generation's attitude

but there's so much you can do with the internet, currently i'm updating a blog, writing an assighment, looking for used cars, downloading austin powers, listening to michael jackson, and chatting with the captian... that's quite a lot, yet it's not much as far as 'getting shit done' is concerned...

3:32, in pj's haven't eaten yet, 2 games of starcraft played, 1.5 pages written, this blog.. that's all i have to show for,

i'm outta here, beat it!

Friday, May 24, 2002

the wind

walking to this computer lab i was full of ideas of what to write here and what to say... all that stuff.

it's gone.

totally had an idea of what i was going to write, and it's completely slipped me, have no clue why, but it's just that way.

maybe i'll just check my email instead.

or write a nice story of which something intresting happend to me?

hmm.. story...

you'd prolly want a story about a girl.

or about something extreme

even a story that's sad, or that's miserable.

a philosophical question maybe?

on why people do certian things, or why don't certian people do things...

here we go, i got a brain tease for ya...

ever wonder how couples got together when you're strollin by? i mean you see two people holding hands or smoochin somewhere and you're like wonder how they met, got to know each other, and finally ended up together?

well...i have if no body else has.

cause i mean, at one point they didn't know eachother, and they had to have met at one point. did one of them know of the other before the formal introduction? who initiated the "i have feelings for you" notion?

see i ponder this cause i currently am crushing on a certian girl. she's totally worth the crush and she's one of my friends. so how do i do things from now out. unless someone told her something that i told someone else then she doesn't have any idea that i'm intrested in her. and our friendship is healthy. we're not best friends, nor great friends... a few steps above aquaintance is where i place our relationship, and well it very slowly but surely climbs up but not at a fast rapid pace or anything...

but i've had friends that i was intrested in and when i started to express how i felt, it drove them away! so by saying how i felt, i actually lost a friend. (for a while, she is now back as a friend) but ya see... i don't want to scare anyone off. so i don't say anything to anyone really... i try to not say anything to myself. i tell my self about the advances that i'm making in life, the goals that i'm accomplishing, and the things that i'm getting done... that's why not getting that car affected me a bit more that one would think. i mean i've been car crazy ever since i was 15!

i dreamed that for my 16th bday i'd get a car, any car!!!

now that i'm 23, and still driving the same car, there's not much advancement there, i feel like i've failed, and then asshold here goes back on his agreement and i'm a failure.

ok well that's enough, i need to nap here in the lab b4 class i'm dosing off...

Thursday, May 23, 2002

i've lost it

had a long day yesterday,

missed my class today.

don't feel bad, haven't done anything yet either. i've lost it.

i had this drive this quarter, things were on such a high about 4 days ago

feels like i had the world workin in my favor... how wrong was i?

things since then have plummeted...

i don't understand why?

that god damn car thing really made me feel like an ass

i mean the guy and i had an agreement, then he went with another bidder. after we said ok

i was supposed to get it today.

shouldn't have told anyone about it,

shouldn't have gotten excited about it,

fuck, i should just do what i've been doing for god damn who knows how long, and just wait some more...

the top 5 bondfire was fun, but the drama behind such an innocent activity just demoralized me even more. makes me want to make everything more generic and more bland just cause it's way eaiser on me. makes me wonder why am i even putting in so much effort? i should just ride along and enjoy...

i guess what would make everything better is if i had someone who could hug me and say "it'll be alrite honey" well i have a lot of people who would do that for me, it's just that they'd be mocking me

well, in that case i'll just have to focus on getting my lab done by tomorrow, and that damn meeting i have to go to, what a piece

Monday, May 20, 2002

talkin shit

some people just talk shit...

and some people talk shit to actually cause damage to who they are talking shit about.

fuck those people.

i mean i talk a lot of shit, but it's either in good fun, or mockery of my friends.

seldom do i talk agressive shit about someone. and that's because you have to genuinely hate someone to do so.

what do people hate so much about other people.

you know what i hate, people who talk agressive shit, but are very non confrontational, they just aviod you or they deny the shit that they've blatantly said to other people who you are closer to and have told you that someone's shit talking.


what benefit does hate bring?

Friday, May 17, 2002

got a new layout!

thanks to my friend kim

it's good to have drew looking over my words of wizdumb


Wednesday, May 15, 2002

something intresting

so i should have something intresting here shouldn't i?

since the title is something intresting....

usually i talk about girls..

or questions i have about girls...

or computers, or girls...

i guess i write a lot about girls don't i? but i mean that's what i think about i guess.. well when i see the screen, and there's a blank canvas, it's inviting for me to express my relations with other people, mostly about girls tho, cause i don't have anyone to talk to about that, so i write it here

you know that person, the 'last call' person...

most people have that last call person, or that anytime call person. i don't really.

that's how you know you're lonely

if you don't have that person.

like most people i know, they'll call someone rite before they go to sleep to say what happened in their day and good nite and all that stuffs... but then there's the other person that you can call anytime and just chat about what's new and stuffs...

i got none of those really, i guess the captian is one person that i call just to shoot shit with, but overall, nobody for that 'last call'

it's 12:58am on tues nite or actually wed morn, and i just wish rite now that i had a last call person that i could call and just talk about nothing with, it's so much nicer than going to bed after a few beers, jay leno, and a cig...

batchelor life, guess i should enjoy it cause i won't some day? rite, keep on telling myself that.

*this post has a very heavy undertone that i'm lonely and need a girl bad, that is false. i just want a sudo-cute girl to call and say goodnite to before i sleep cause i think that'd put me in a good mood before i hit the hay and i'd get good rest.

or i'm lying to myself

who knows?

Friday, May 10, 2002

happy place

where is my happy place? when people are down, or there's something very wrong, they think of their favorite place in the whole wide world, or their favorite memory.

i don't have one...

everything that's happy was happy, but now isn't.

i don't have a girlfriend anymore,

my dog is too old to play,

my computer only has 128mb SD ram... (that one really makes me sad)

i dunno.. i think of the good ass times, like the dorms..

but i don't chill with those kids no more.

what is it? i dunno... that's the biggest problem. i don't know enough to make any decisions.

i think about a decision that must be made, but just like what religeon, i'm not 100% knowledgeable about the decision. and so if i don't know what i'm getting into i'm not sure if i want to make that decision...

so i get all confused, stressed out, and panikie... so i tell myself go to my happy place!

but where does that get me? i lost my happy place =(

Thursday, May 9, 2002


i feel like updating... i need to.

if practise makes perfect then i've almost achieved unperfection.

ie, my spelling.

i could go back and change it, but it'd actually me going forward in time, to change something that i've previously done, and thus changing history maybe for the worst. so i'm going to leave practice with a 's' and i'm going to not find how you really spell achieve, even if it's right i'd not know.

so i read my brother's blog and he's so upset at people living their lives the way that he thinks he should be living his. it's weird cause in a sense i wrote that in my previous post. i just looked at it with a totally different perspective.

so anyhow, i had this training on religeon. and i wasn't sure what to do.

they put signs all around the room: jewish, catholic, christian, prodistant, wiccs, rastafarian, non-believer, other....

i went to other.

they had agnostic, but i wasn't sure i even belonged there. religeon is such a weird subject, it's almost eaiser to say i'm a christian and not do shit for it, than to say i'm nothing, and well not do shit. people were trying to label what it was i had decided on for me, and the fact of the matter is that i've not decided, so how could they? maybe their religeon gives them special powers that i don't have...

i was kinda biffed about the whole discussion so i just told people my analogy. analogys are great, you can give someone who has no experience in a subject a parallel to something that they do have experience in. it's all about that if a = b and b = c then a = c theorm. i mean that's the basis of more than one could imagine.

but yea, so i told them that asking me what religeon i am is like asking a person who's never watched TV what's their favorite TV show. i mean they've heard stories, and they've talked to people about TV shows extensively. but they still have never seen one. so how could they really choose ?

answer: they can't. so i couldn't. besides i don't like TV that much anyhow.

but this is about religeon... or is it?

Wednesday, May 8, 2002


sometime i just feel like a loser. even tho i didn't really lose anything... well at that time.

it's just that my peers are going places, and they have things.

i'm going places and i have things too.. but the places i go are to school, and to parties where i'm possibly the oldest person there, and the things i have are small material things.

altho it only takes a few people to make it feel like everybody!

like when i was 16, two of my friend had cars... lots of kids i knew didn't have cars, but to me it felt like everybody except me had one. and i wanted more than anything to get one.

it finally happened and boy it wasn't so grand, cause by the time i got one, i felt like there were so many other things that other people had that i didn't!

damn, it's been so long, i feel so old, yet i'm so young!

i'm not sure what to say here to express what i feel.. i just talked to someone who i pretty much only know from my past and it kinda put me there. in the past.

i don' t really like the past.

i like the changes that the future brings.

change is the only proof that time exists

and i haven't been proving time exists lately. guess that's all that's troubling me
so excited about this!

Wednesday, May 1, 2002

contest for the best cartoon in the world...

check it out,

you comment on different blogs to put in votes pretty fun!

main site

so i took another quiz sent to me by the fray and guess who i am!


anyhow, that's not what's on my mind.. i'm thinking about game.

not like hunting deer or anything, like guys hunting girls...

i was talking to one person about another person and we were wondering "how does he get chicks?" we concluded that he has no game, and well it's hard to get the girliees with no scheme right?


no game is game.

the girls like a honest, non "try to get in your pants" type of guy.. it's just that there's all these other guys that have game that make them look better than they really are.

girls have game too but we're neglecting that for this entry.

but yea, so then i reflect on myself...

so there's not really many girls that spark my intrest really.. but there's this one right. and well i'm thinking what's my game? i don't really have much game do i?

so i'm wondering if i'm the nogame kinda guy rite?

nopes... i'm like in the middle of no game and game. which is technically NO GAME.

like i don't have enough game to get chicks, but i have enough to scare them away and see that i'm not a gameless guy.

all this gaming... take the quiz, bart needs no chicks!!!