Wednesday, July 28, 2004

what jon said

my friend jon blogged about how he grew up in an asian american household (though he generalized and said most "ethnic" households are similar), and how tough it was to get some affection from his parents, and now he feels that may be the reason that he isn't giving his friends/loved ones affection that they deserve.

i used to think similarly to this way, untill one random time i jokingly said some kind words expressing how much i appreciated and liked them and saw how she lit up when i said these words.

sometimes people need to hear things that are implied. the reaction i got from saying a few nice words was facinating. the old mentality of "if i spend time with you, call you, email you, etc... that means you're worth my time, and i like you" is easy. and it'd work better if the world was only males. but hearing someone say something nice about you is very moving. especially if it's a close friend.

i grew up in the opposite of jon's world. my mom and dad always did and do says they love me. i get hugs and more hugs when i go home to see them. my family is full of affection and jon's is opposite.

this conflicts when i befrend someone like jon. who's path do we take? mine? his? a mix?

i have a friend who once told me that she never says "i love you" to anyone even her parents. i told her "i've been friends with her for years, and that i love you". her face was shocked for a few mins after i said these super powerful words so nonchalantly. but i did, i do! i love my friends and family, and i tell them. you have to, if everything was just implied then why talk? the phrase actions speak louder than words implies that words aren't loud, well they are. actions are just a little bit louder.

that same friend now will text message me or email and leave a "love, ____" at the end. because it's better to say it too much than not enough. i respect jon's way of showing affection, or lack thereof, but it's not the way i do things.


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