Thursday, March 11, 2004

get your friends, and my friends, and we can be friends

is there something that i don't see here?

i've noticed something after talking to a few people, or maybe just noticing the different comments people make, facial expressions, or the blatant "what the fuck are you doing?" des asks me (she's a blunt one, and i love that) when i mention you.

am i blind to something that many others see? people that i talk to seem to think it's a bigger deal than i do. i've got no underlying intentions or ulterior motives, yet people think i do, or even ask me if i do. i don't see it. what's so wrong about dinner once a week or even once every 2 weeks with someone who you used to date? is it wrong? once you date someone, and break up you're not to hang out anymore?

in a relationship you get to know each other, and learn the good and bad characteristics of the other person. and you learn to like them for those. it's a big commitment, and investment. i don't see how i can throw away an investment like that based simply on a rule that we seem to think makes life simpler and easier. the rule of excommunicating someone after you date them. i don't see it that way. others do.

i guess that the thought is that if a couple breaks up, then there was a reason for it. more times than not that reason hurts feelings, and when feelings get hurt, people aren't forgiven (so it seems). i'm not a grudge holder.

i see this as somewhat of a problem for me more times than not. i forget, instead of forgive. many times i will see someone from my past, and the fact that i'm seeing someone that i haven't seen in so long i get a feeling of excitement instead of remembering how we last parted, and the hostile feelings i once felt. remembering who burned me, isn't something i feel is relevant to my everyday life. and i usually won't recall this without some sort of memory jogger.

i'm like a shark, word on the street is that they have a memory of a few minutes or something. like the movie memento where guy pierce has to write everything down, even on his body, to remember what he's even doing.

or, they see me and they hear me talk, and they see what i don't see. and they're looking out for me cause i am getting myself in a situation that could result in undesirable circumstance? i dunno? it's not an issue of trust.... it's an issue of "i don't know what i'm doing"

so what do i do? i'm sorta asking you what you think? i know you don't read this, or am pretty sure you don't, but in writing it down to you, i think it makes me see a different perspective. your perspective hopefully, but who can really predict how another person feels.

on a super happy i won't forget this in a million years note, i got me one of deeez:

and i'm in love. 20GB of pure pleasure.

sidenote- having a great night is just like falling in love. it just happens, you can't plan it, you can try and sometimes it seems like everything will work out yet the magic isn't there. but then when you're not expecting anything... or just spontaneously decide to go do something instead of arrange the 25.08 GB of mp3 files you've accumulated in the past 3 years, that's when the night gets crazy and fun and wild and everyone talks about "yo, remember that night when..." yea. like that.


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