lonely



i work at the library by myself at a desk, nobody comes to my desk cause i'm the security guy

i have 2 of my three classes with no friends, nobody i know in either

and at 11:30pm when i get home, nobody's home.



i'm lonely



i sift thru my phone list and see names of pretty girls and cool guys

but i don't desire to talk to any of them,

or just don't have the confidence to call any of them



i'm lonely



reflecting back i wish i would have taken advantage of being partners with tomoko

she said i was her number one, and i though she was very pretty

i felt uneasy around her cause i had this idea that she was better than me and i didn't fit in with her

she didn't feel the same way.



now i'm just an idiot



i also reflect back on kim and why we broke up...

i don't know why, i sometime wish we hadn't, i sometime wish i could call her

but we did, and i don't

it's been almost a year



slowly i progress to pathetic



i lay in bed and think of what to post here.

i sit in class and fantasize about learning new skills and improving myself to be more like those who i admire.

i mess up and dwell on it, then later put myself down for being imperfect, resulting in poor confidence and poor performance.



being aware of your problems is the first step.



"first thing is that you have to know what you don't know" -my dad