excited
i'm kinda excited. don't have a good reason to be so, but i am excited. maybe cause i'm so envious of ryan's web site and some day will have one of my own that's something like that one...
or mabye it's cause today was one of "those days" where everything kinda worked, nothing sucked and well i just had an overall busy as hell, yet pretty ok day.
another upper was the fact that i saw lazy dog last nite.. those guys are my current idols... why? cause i was there and they rocked the party.
it's hard to have fun sober... at least for people who don't know what they like.. that's why the get intoxicated, it brings your criticism down, along with your expectations and your attention to details... thus, why are not-funny people so funny when you're drunk?
or why is it that you can't remember your fav dj's set when you're rolling? why people always say "i love you man" when they're drunk.. why the ugly chicks get some at parties.. ~>don't know the exact answer but my point is i have something that i like so much that i don't need to be faded to enjoy it. and last nite lazy dog brought it to LA.
ok well.. this is turning into a "what i did yesterday" blog, which i have sworn on powers so high they are not to be spoken of that i would never devolve to writing.
so here's my question of the entry... why do i always write a question?
i don't know.. i guess since everything in the world has a pattern except for the number pi, and a few other exceptions.. that i also follow patterns.. and my algorithm for writing is to start out with a question and then answer it... i guess that's my style.. style and pattern are so not similar words but but such similar concepts?! weird.
so i guess i just half assed my algorithm today... whatever, i'm too busy talking to my friend carolyn on aim... she's the cutie in the blue shirt with her moms and pops
i'm so not-content with this entry being so lame, if i wasn't in such a good excited mood i'd erase it and start again tomorrow with another stupid question
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
Saturday, February 23, 2002
those ones
the words "those ones" isn't even a gramatically correct statement. so then, does that mean it doesn't exist? maybe not in the dictionary! but shmack, i just wrote it there, so if nowhere else on the planet, it exists here...
you know, i haven't looked lately but in 5th grade i thought the word ain't was a cool thing to say. my teacher always would come down on me for using it, cause she said "it wasn't in the dictionary" well then mrs. grevwhateverhenamewas it is now!!! so i was using it before it even got in there! and it wouldn't have ever gotten there if people like me didn't stop expanding the english language and the dictionary's parameters...
same with "those ones"... i could say "these" but you sound like you're saying cheese.. and make a dorky face when you say the eeese part of the word.. i much rather say "yo look at those ones" ~>nothing implied there. insead of "yo look at these"
ready for the paralell?
my life = the english language
my dictionary = the people and places around me that i've unintentionally created
"these ones" = what i wish to stride for, yet it's not accepted or looked down upon, or what people just don't see me doing
i'm inspired by so many people for so many reasons, in so many aspects.. and for some reason i hold back on learning and persuing these admired skills/qualities because i'm afraid of the mrs. grev___ s telling me that i don't know what i'm doing... i wish i could go back to 5th grade for a sec, just to tell her that i'm just ahead of my damn time and she can't hack it!!! (prolly wouldn't say that, but would think it)
it's not worth it, revenge is sweet, but not satisfying.. too much sweet gives you a tummy ache and you end up throwing it up.. revenge gets revenge. what a sick thought.
*on track again with the "those ones" .... i was trying to tell my friend how i felt about irvine, how i conquered it already... i know where things are and i've met a few people.. i've gotten what i'm going to get out of it... like when i left highschool i had a new place to go to (UCI), nobody knew me.. nobody knew how i lived, what i liked, who i was friends with since birth. i could define myself all over again...
now i'm here, defined, ready to move to the next bigger level instead of from highschool of 3,000 people to a college of 18,000, i have to go from a school of 18,000 to a city of ... well a lot!
i need to get away from the damn mrs. grev____*i forgot her damn name*s cause no matter what, till she dies, she won't use "ain't" and people like that will bring me down...
i think of her and her types of people i say to mysefl "those ones ain't ______" (you can fill in the blank there)
the words "those ones" isn't even a gramatically correct statement. so then, does that mean it doesn't exist? maybe not in the dictionary! but shmack, i just wrote it there, so if nowhere else on the planet, it exists here...
you know, i haven't looked lately but in 5th grade i thought the word ain't was a cool thing to say. my teacher always would come down on me for using it, cause she said "it wasn't in the dictionary" well then mrs. grevwhateverhenamewas it is now!!! so i was using it before it even got in there! and it wouldn't have ever gotten there if people like me didn't stop expanding the english language and the dictionary's parameters...
same with "those ones"... i could say "these" but you sound like you're saying cheese.. and make a dorky face when you say the eeese part of the word.. i much rather say "yo look at those ones" ~>nothing implied there. insead of "yo look at these"
ready for the paralell?
my life = the english language
my dictionary = the people and places around me that i've unintentionally created
"these ones" = what i wish to stride for, yet it's not accepted or looked down upon, or what people just don't see me doing
i'm inspired by so many people for so many reasons, in so many aspects.. and for some reason i hold back on learning and persuing these admired skills/qualities because i'm afraid of the mrs. grev___ s telling me that i don't know what i'm doing... i wish i could go back to 5th grade for a sec, just to tell her that i'm just ahead of my damn time and she can't hack it!!! (prolly wouldn't say that, but would think it)
it's not worth it, revenge is sweet, but not satisfying.. too much sweet gives you a tummy ache and you end up throwing it up.. revenge gets revenge. what a sick thought.
*on track again with the "those ones" .... i was trying to tell my friend how i felt about irvine, how i conquered it already... i know where things are and i've met a few people.. i've gotten what i'm going to get out of it... like when i left highschool i had a new place to go to (UCI), nobody knew me.. nobody knew how i lived, what i liked, who i was friends with since birth. i could define myself all over again...
now i'm here, defined, ready to move to the next bigger level instead of from highschool of 3,000 people to a college of 18,000, i have to go from a school of 18,000 to a city of ... well a lot!
i need to get away from the damn mrs. grev____*i forgot her damn name*s cause no matter what, till she dies, she won't use "ain't" and people like that will bring me down...
i think of her and her types of people i say to mysefl "those ones ain't ______" (you can fill in the blank there)
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
comments
i love comments
it's proof that someone's actually there listening and reading and (this is an assumption) caring! it's weird but in this lonely world... my world that is, there's a lot of good things going on and good people doing stuff... at least it feels that way when i get a comment.
ok as i just read back on that i made it sound like the entire world turns sunshiny when a comment is posted on my blog.. how about more like it's when you've met that cute girl randomly at a chaotic moment for only a moment, so she may not remember your or have interacted with you for long enough to say hi to you a week later when you're walking by... but she does. that's the feeling.
on another note, today was ditch class day... let's hope it's not chronic, i need to go to class as much as possible.
and thanks to a few good friends, i found out that it's ok to not be the best at something, but to be halfass at everything. (so i'm still a bit bitter that i'll never be the best) but you know what? i'm not even halfass at everything, i need to get working on doing more things!
nobody stop me now!
i love comments
it's proof that someone's actually there listening and reading and (this is an assumption) caring! it's weird but in this lonely world... my world that is, there's a lot of good things going on and good people doing stuff... at least it feels that way when i get a comment.
ok as i just read back on that i made it sound like the entire world turns sunshiny when a comment is posted on my blog.. how about more like it's when you've met that cute girl randomly at a chaotic moment for only a moment, so she may not remember your or have interacted with you for long enough to say hi to you a week later when you're walking by... but she does. that's the feeling.
on another note, today was ditch class day... let's hope it's not chronic, i need to go to class as much as possible.
and thanks to a few good friends, i found out that it's ok to not be the best at something, but to be halfass at everything. (so i'm still a bit bitter that i'll never be the best) but you know what? i'm not even halfass at everything, i need to get working on doing more things!
nobody stop me now!
Tuesday, February 19, 2002
the best
i'm looking to my blog for support.
writing things down always helps me.
today i realized something about myself. how i'm NOT the best. i got this list of things a mile long that i've been thinking of that i do and i compete in and that i study... yet i'm not the best, never was, don't know if i ever will be?
examples of what i'm talking about are:
i'm not the best student- never have been anything close to that, or the best friend-i can never remember bdays and i'm sometimes too selfish, i'm so not the best lover-between my low self esteem and my inability to read my own emotions it's a disaster, i'm not the best computer guy- no matter how much i learn, i can't do things that others do, i'm not the best athlete-i competed up thru highschool in multiple sports... but as i look back i was just right in the middle never the best, or worst... just run of the mill
i'm not the best son-my parents have treated me better than most of my friend's parents... they're proud of me but there's so much area for me to improve on, i'm not the best anything... there's so many things more that i'd love to just be the best at. the best as far as my world is concerned, not the entire world... everything i can think of that i do or am interested in, there's someone that jutts into my mind as being better than me at it. hong's a better fisher that me, jowilla know's more music than me, sirimal knows more about cars than me, luis knows more about computers than me, james skateboards better than me, gene's knows more about fishtanks than me, kieron has better social skills than me, kim knows more website stuff than me, even efrain he's a better staffer than me...
i've always wanted to be the best at something. the best at what i do. i have to find a passion for something. so far i have no passion... there's things that i love and that i very much enjoy.. but there's nothing that i can't stop thinking about 24hrs a day... that's why i'm not the best at anything... i'm the worst at a few things. i should be the best at at-least one thing.
i'm not even the best at making myself feel bad... (no names here)
i'm looking to my blog for support.
writing things down always helps me.
today i realized something about myself. how i'm NOT the best. i got this list of things a mile long that i've been thinking of that i do and i compete in and that i study... yet i'm not the best, never was, don't know if i ever will be?
examples of what i'm talking about are:
i'm not the best student- never have been anything close to that, or the best friend-i can never remember bdays and i'm sometimes too selfish, i'm so not the best lover-between my low self esteem and my inability to read my own emotions it's a disaster, i'm not the best computer guy- no matter how much i learn, i can't do things that others do, i'm not the best athlete-i competed up thru highschool in multiple sports... but as i look back i was just right in the middle never the best, or worst... just run of the mill
i'm not the best son-my parents have treated me better than most of my friend's parents... they're proud of me but there's so much area for me to improve on, i'm not the best anything... there's so many things more that i'd love to just be the best at. the best as far as my world is concerned, not the entire world... everything i can think of that i do or am interested in, there's someone that jutts into my mind as being better than me at it. hong's a better fisher that me, jowilla know's more music than me, sirimal knows more about cars than me, luis knows more about computers than me, james skateboards better than me, gene's knows more about fishtanks than me, kieron has better social skills than me, kim knows more website stuff than me, even efrain he's a better staffer than me...
i've always wanted to be the best at something. the best at what i do. i have to find a passion for something. so far i have no passion... there's things that i love and that i very much enjoy.. but there's nothing that i can't stop thinking about 24hrs a day... that's why i'm not the best at anything... i'm the worst at a few things. i should be the best at at-least one thing.
i'm not even the best at making myself feel bad... (no names here)
i feel like writing.
me feeling like writing is like when you go to a concert and see your fav band play... you want to go home and play like they do! although when you DO go home and try, your attept is shitty and being discourage causes you to quit and focus attention onto other things ie sex, beer, tv... (is there anything else?)
no really, but you know what i mean.
i feel my writing isn't what it could be, i try to only guage things with respect to my goals, and my potentials. which i feel haven't been reached... i don't think they ever will be reached though, cause as my goals always change with respect to my potential, which grows as time increases... it's like an inevitable loss for me.. but what i'm ultimatly hoping is that somehow by persuing this plan i'll eventually end up a good writer, with repsect to everyone else this time though...
seems pretty silly. i don't take writing classes. i don't enjoy reading books.
how do i suppose i'll get any better, what runner gets faster mile times by never running? will i keep on this track of only writing occasional emails, blog entries, and aim sentence fragments and aspire to become a decent writer? maybe i should re-think my gameplan?
besides that? do you guys who read/write blogs think about what you're going to write when you're sitting idle or doing something that requires as much thinking as walking or driving? i do.
i think my theme for this blog is to understand what it is i don't know. "you always have to know what you don't know" -my dad
like whenever i have a question, or an idea that i don't quite understand, i post it here and try to answer it. that's why i guess the title here is 'am i wrong? (to hunger)' cause i am hungry! ~> for information
mmmm... information, knowledge
me feeling like writing is like when you go to a concert and see your fav band play... you want to go home and play like they do! although when you DO go home and try, your attept is shitty and being discourage causes you to quit and focus attention onto other things ie sex, beer, tv... (is there anything else?)
no really, but you know what i mean.
i feel my writing isn't what it could be, i try to only guage things with respect to my goals, and my potentials. which i feel haven't been reached... i don't think they ever will be reached though, cause as my goals always change with respect to my potential, which grows as time increases... it's like an inevitable loss for me.. but what i'm ultimatly hoping is that somehow by persuing this plan i'll eventually end up a good writer, with repsect to everyone else this time though...
seems pretty silly. i don't take writing classes. i don't enjoy reading books.
how do i suppose i'll get any better, what runner gets faster mile times by never running? will i keep on this track of only writing occasional emails, blog entries, and aim sentence fragments and aspire to become a decent writer? maybe i should re-think my gameplan?
besides that? do you guys who read/write blogs think about what you're going to write when you're sitting idle or doing something that requires as much thinking as walking or driving? i do.
i think my theme for this blog is to understand what it is i don't know. "you always have to know what you don't know" -my dad
like whenever i have a question, or an idea that i don't quite understand, i post it here and try to answer it. that's why i guess the title here is 'am i wrong? (to hunger)' cause i am hungry! ~> for information
mmmm... information, knowledge
this is great!
someone did a search for "see girls while I am chatting with them" and my site was number 2 on the list! was it something i said?
second of all my blog alter ego ameer, somehow is the second match found on google when (site:blogspot.com "b cup" OR "c cup" OR "d cup" OR "dd cup) is entered...
are us ameers just asking for it? no, we're wild like that.
someone did a search for "see girls while I am chatting with them" and my site was number 2 on the list! was it something i said?
second of all my blog alter ego ameer, somehow is the second match found on google when (site:blogspot.com "b cup" OR "c cup" OR "d cup" OR "dd cup) is entered...
are us ameers just asking for it? no, we're wild like that.
Monday, February 18, 2002
problems blogging
i'm having problems blogging. this is the third time i've tried to do a feb 18th entry. and damnit, this time i'm going to not click a link to take me off this page, erasing the entry, or have someone come over and say f*ck it and close the window. i need to do this for all of the blogs that i read!
(i've noticed that nobody's blog is updated) i'm going to be the one to pioneer this action ~> or maybe it's that everyone went to vegas or snowboarding and i'm sitting here like an ass with nothing to do on a day off. NO WAIT! i have to finish my pinewood derby car! i honestly sound like more of a loser than i am, it's for a cash prize competition, not boyscouts!
ok i've been plagued with horrible blog entries for the last few weeks...
let's try to change that!
ok guys, girls too i guess...
lets say there's someone kinda interesting that you know of but have never met before and would like to. then all of a sudden she wakes you up while you're sleeping in your own bed... and she's naked!
some guys get all the luck
there's a few girls like that that i'd like to meet, wonder how i'd react. i thought it was funny.
so with that interesting thought provoking idea i'm off to work on my pinewood derby car!!! whoo hooo!
i'm having problems blogging. this is the third time i've tried to do a feb 18th entry. and damnit, this time i'm going to not click a link to take me off this page, erasing the entry, or have someone come over and say f*ck it and close the window. i need to do this for all of the blogs that i read!
(i've noticed that nobody's blog is updated) i'm going to be the one to pioneer this action ~> or maybe it's that everyone went to vegas or snowboarding and i'm sitting here like an ass with nothing to do on a day off. NO WAIT! i have to finish my pinewood derby car! i honestly sound like more of a loser than i am, it's for a cash prize competition, not boyscouts!
ok i've been plagued with horrible blog entries for the last few weeks...
let's try to change that!
ok guys, girls too i guess...
lets say there's someone kinda interesting that you know of but have never met before and would like to. then all of a sudden she wakes you up while you're sleeping in your own bed... and she's naked!
some guys get all the luck
there's a few girls like that that i'd like to meet, wonder how i'd react. i thought it was funny.
so with that interesting thought provoking idea i'm off to work on my pinewood derby car!!! whoo hooo!
Friday, February 15, 2002
how depressing, after i posted this last "i hang out with cute girls but don't know it" post... my roomate comes home and show off his new vday presents, then tells me of his flawless day...
then he says "hey you're sick?!" and i realize that i've got a fever!
just when you don't think you can go downhill anymore. you hit a pothole
then he says "hey you're sick?!" and i realize that i've got a fever!
just when you don't think you can go downhill anymore. you hit a pothole
cute girls
today was valentine's day. i just woke up at 12:30am the day after vday, but that's not the point, i was in disposed or whatever they say.
but yea. it's funny, actually it's not that funny. but today i was at the pub with what one would say many cute girls! i mean if someone were to come from somewhere and know nobody but me, and see me hanging out with the people i was hanging out with they'd think that i was hanging out with lots of hella cute, nice girls rite. but then from my perspective, i was just hanging out with some friends. not hot chicks. so i guess what gets me excited is new faces, that are hot chicks. so like maybe i have the deepak syndrome. ( we were making fun of my friend deepak for this ) but i think maybe i like girls that are fictional, or that are in no way gettable <~ is that a word?
why would i do such a thing? cause! to say i'm hunting but never have to take a shot. for some it's eaiser to just "not take a shot". personally i don't categorize myself in that rank, but if i were a third person tonite i would have.
anyhow, alcohaul's promoting sleep rite now. i'll submit to that one 9 times out of 10
today was valentine's day. i just woke up at 12:30am the day after vday, but that's not the point, i was in disposed or whatever they say.
but yea. it's funny, actually it's not that funny. but today i was at the pub with what one would say many cute girls! i mean if someone were to come from somewhere and know nobody but me, and see me hanging out with the people i was hanging out with they'd think that i was hanging out with lots of hella cute, nice girls rite. but then from my perspective, i was just hanging out with some friends. not hot chicks. so i guess what gets me excited is new faces, that are hot chicks. so like maybe i have the deepak syndrome. ( we were making fun of my friend deepak for this ) but i think maybe i like girls that are fictional, or that are in no way gettable <~ is that a word?
why would i do such a thing? cause! to say i'm hunting but never have to take a shot. for some it's eaiser to just "not take a shot". personally i don't categorize myself in that rank, but if i were a third person tonite i would have.
anyhow, alcohaul's promoting sleep rite now. i'll submit to that one 9 times out of 10
Wednesday, February 13, 2002
just took my last midterm, of the quarter that is. i only had two, but this one was 2 grueling hours.
ok so one thing that really bothers me is the conversation killer you get when you ask someone :
what kind of music do you listen to?
and the jackass you asked replys with "everything" or even worse "everything except country" <~ those people have never listened to any country so the assume it's bad.
it's such a turn off in so many ways.. ggrrrrr! everything doesn't mean everything that mtv plays, cause there's so much more than that, that's just for starters... i ask that question to promote a conversation.. looking for some similar interests maybe? similar dislikes? so then when i say ok elaborate on everything... the answer to that is also the same! hip-hop, r&b, and rock those three types are hardly 'everything' if anything groups like linkin park and limp biscuit have combined those three or two of the three to make one gonera.
gimme a break, i'm a music critic. i can be! everyone's given the right to and well i'm excercizing my right to. weird thing is, if i saw someone i didn't know doing exactly what im doing, i'd prolly dislike them from the start. so it's ironic like that isn't it?
oh well. there's more i have to learn ~> now that i've got school out of the way for a bit
ok so one thing that really bothers me is the conversation killer you get when you ask someone :
what kind of music do you listen to?
and the jackass you asked replys with "everything" or even worse "everything except country" <~ those people have never listened to any country so the assume it's bad.
it's such a turn off in so many ways.. ggrrrrr! everything doesn't mean everything that mtv plays, cause there's so much more than that, that's just for starters... i ask that question to promote a conversation.. looking for some similar interests maybe? similar dislikes? so then when i say ok elaborate on everything... the answer to that is also the same! hip-hop, r&b, and rock those three types are hardly 'everything' if anything groups like linkin park and limp biscuit have combined those three or two of the three to make one gonera.
gimme a break, i'm a music critic. i can be! everyone's given the right to and well i'm excercizing my right to. weird thing is, if i saw someone i didn't know doing exactly what im doing, i'd prolly dislike them from the start. so it's ironic like that isn't it?
oh well. there's more i have to learn ~> now that i've got school out of the way for a bit
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