designation



so jowilla got back from spain late dec, and last night was the first time we were able to go out to an old familiar house club... boardners off cherokee, close to hollywood blvd. pretty good times...

got in there at 12, so 2 hrs to drink and then abide by california's worst law ever (no booze after 2am)



so we all get their world famous strongest long island ice teas this side of the mississippi...

everyone finished with their drink, and we all decided it's time for another! but one of the four of us have to drive. so who shall it be?

jowilla had just one long island and it was rather blatant that she had slurred her words and slowly fell off the vinyl ottoman she was sitting on while insisting that she'd be ok to drive, that it'd be either me or luis that'd be driving... so we paper-rock-scissors'd two of three and course i'm the idiot who ended up being DD.



so what? i had my $9 long island and i'm having fun... right up to the part where i follow everyone to the bar and gaze at the ice cold colored drinks prepared and passed around the group... but to no surprise (more of an extremely vivid realization) i had nothing to do with that. i was totally left out. and it's then that the night took a turn.



now i don't need alcohaul to have fun, i've had fun sober on millions of occasions. BUT i've never really had fun being the ONLY sober person among a group of drunk friends, while they're off doing idiotic things whether it be to talk to every sleazy guy in their path especially the ones who are so desprate to get their ding-a-ling touched by a member of the woman race that they practially write the words (will do anything for sex) on their forehead, or just stumble into random walls, buildings, strangers, etc.



thing is, they're having fun. and i'm not... i'd be having a better time if they were also not having fun and we'd be doing that misery loves company thing. OR if we were all drunk and just acting afool together that'd satisfy me too.



either way, it wasn't that way. and i was the driver.



to wrap up the night, things got better due to some good ass potatoes, and a tasty spinach, mushroom, and ham omlete accompanied by a chrome "house music" tamborine from paris.



"Tap along toyour favorite Tempo with this addition to the house music range"

"It's been a long night, the atmosphere's chilled, everybody's lounging, dozing, drifting... when studdenly all ear's prick up to the sound of a familiar melody... it's that favorite track, that one last tune and before you know it... the house music's pumping, the house is thumping and everybody's jamming with house music!"



-house music tamborine box.

girl's boyfriends



what is it with girls and the guys they date?

i mean i've been friends with some really cool ass chicks, and i'd figure that i'm cool, they're cool (the girl), yet again, i go in and meet their boyfriend, whom they talk about to me (all the time) and make to appear the guy to be a pretty cool person. and then we get a chance to hang out, and holy moly, NERD CITY! the guy is a drag. sure he may be good in bed, or very attentive to her needs, or just a funny guy (in her eyes) but then it's torture to hang out with that fool... he's a social degenerate. how does everyone see this and everyone dislike his presence except for this girl who you think is cool as heck?



is it cause she's actually not that cool and I'M the one who sees her different than anyone else?

is it cause i'm the social degenerate?

or is it because the girl sees the guy in a different light than everyone else?



it all boils down to who sees who in what light.

which gives me the option to see everyone in my own damn light because that's the light that counts, which makes me realize that cool ass chicks DO have dorky ass boyfriends!!!

thinking



i've gotta say, usually things that i think about are pretty non-life changing... they're more along the lines of conversation topics or something that i just don't understand, or even something that people overlook when i believe they shouldn't.



i've lost it. my brain is constantly thinking of what's ahead, and how will i pay for these stubborn bills that keep increasing. where i'll be in a month, or who i'll be with. i know that i've got my computers, my friends for now, but lord knows that they're more likely to turn on me than the snotiest of snotty spoiled highschool mentality driven women.



i admit, having a planned out future is really a boring way of life, but no visibility is also not the way i'm ready to live.



i guess not having something definite in my life is a real different way of thinking.. and even though with my efforts things will change it's difficult to transition. i have people here to help me do so but it takes some time. graduating from school and getting a job are two different animals. i've tamed one, and now it's on to the other...

new year



the new year provides time for everyone to take a break from work and the crazyness that life demands... well everyone except cab drivers, and card dealers, front desk attendants, bar tenders, waiters, the artist formerly known as prince impersonaters, and many other different random jobs that define the city that never sleeps, unsleeping.

going to vegas made me feel for these fellas and ladies. it's new year's eve and they're taking my order, it's the first of the year and they're dealing me a losing hand. it's 4:30 am on the first of january where most people in the country are sleeping due to massive partying and excessive fun and they're bringing me my 3 egg spanish omlete.



regardless i had a good time. hope everyone i know did. i started this year off with the reinstatement that jack daniels is the devil. sometimes that's a good thing.



so i've been thinking of my new year's resolutions, and i'm sure i've got some... but i'm not going to rush into this just yet.

it's eating time and i'm not about to be late.

vacation



it's rather funny how much we need a vacation from vacation. couldn't wait to get back from vacation today. but what do i come back to? chores, bills, frustration, and a mess.



"but i'll be fine tonight,

my good friends are here, with me..."

-taken from: "one eye'd wonder"



there are things that i love, and put so much time and effort and don't forget money into. but the satisfaction i get out of them is so minimal. the frustration i get is so massive, and my end result is virtually nothing. so why do i do what it is that i do?

i don't know, i guess i'll just always be a computer nerd!

one of those



stole this quiz from june found her site randomly while surfing blogger.com's newest updated blogs... my new pastime.



RANDOM STUFF

[ x ] Spell your first name backwards - reema idivan

[ x ] Are you a lesbian - yes. but i'm in the closet

[ x ] Where do you live - in a 1 story 4 bedroom house in pleasant Rancho Bernardo

[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - idiot, one-track, misfit, sudo





DESCRIBE YOUR

[ x ] Wallet - brown leather pullout section of a wallet, very thin, oh and empty

[ x ] Hairbrush - don't own one

[ x ] Toothbrush - hangs from the bathroom mirror on a blue plastic teddy bear that i got in japan at the 100yen store

[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - silver thumb ring, one stud in each tragus, watch-sieko

[ x ] Pillow cover - flowers, blue spop present, more flowers, and flowers

[ x ] Blanket - two are flowers (one looks like the webers bread bag), and one red and black one.

[ x ] Coffee cup - NASA - stole it from work

[ x ] Sunglasses - orange and blue aviator style glasses with black wireframes - also got in japan's 100yen store

[ x ] Underwear - gap boxers - red with dalmations on it

[ x ] Shoes - adidas superstars - all brown

[ x ] Handbag - sorry i don't go there...

[ x ] Favorite top - t-shirt - preferrably from ebay

[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - carne asada

[ x ] CD in stereo right now - san fransisco session vol 2

[ x ] Tattoos - if i ever found a good enough design/work/symbol

[ x ] Piercings - tragus - both (it's that nub right before your ear hole)

[ x ] What you are wearing now - dickies, grey socks, black plastic jacket from wal mart and a grey t-shirt with a blue truck on it... oh and gap boxers

[ x ] Hair - puff

[ x ] Makeup - not these days







WHO or WHAT

[ x ] In my mouth -sesame seeds with dry salmon - hong's mom gave them to me... it's a taiwanese thing i'm guessing... gives pretty bad breath

[ x ] In my head - it's 2am, is it too late to go to the garage and install my new car stereo speakers? tomorrow i will actually upgrade my mother board!!

[ x ] Wishing - currently, for a cigarette and a stiff drink along with someone to share both with.... long term a job in LA and an appt with my best bud jo

[ x ] After this - that stiff drink

[ x ] Talking to - good ol blogger.com

[ x ] Eating - i finished the sesame/salmon things by now

[ x ] Fetishes - sharp teeth and good handwriting

[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason - could i trade serious injury to two people for this instead of death on one person?

[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - that girl from starbucks.. she was cute!

[ x ] Is next to you - a closet, whch by the way has a bottle of jagermeister, stoli- vanilla, parrot bay, jonny walker, triple sec, and an empty bottle of crown

[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - kids, wedding singer, friday,

[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - many computer upgrades, vegas for newyears (flying in), and NOT taking anymore classes, i've got a degree whoopie!

[ x ] The last thing you ate - salmon sesame things, damn i'm getting reemed for eating those aren't i?

[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - my comptuer crashing. being coverd in ants, having a threesome and being able to not get it up.

[ x ] Do you like candles - yes, got one right now... warms my room up! =)

[ x ] Do you like hot wax - eerrr for what?

[ x ] Do you like incense - not that much but i like inces! (inside joke)

[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - my blood? rare steak? or that korean shit that's all boiled and in that soup... all are ok by me

[ x ] Do you believe in love - yes

[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - yea, but not to be confused with a lover. sometimes they're not the same

[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - with things, people, maybe.... maybe

[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - not really... not the christian heaven if that's your game.

[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness - almost too much

[ x ] Do you believe in God - nope

[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - i want to be buried in a beautiful place where my grandkids can come and chat with me when they're troubled.

[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - the achademic system, and spelling.

[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - a pet tiger. a BIG ass one... she'd be really friendly too =)

[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - i did 40 hrs straight on spop 3 green year.. let's see 8am on saturday, went to sleep 12am monday morning

[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - this is random but i'd like to go there and drink beer, word on the street is that theirs is top dog.

[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - sure, but can you eat with one chopstick, ah ha!

[ x ] What's your favorite coin - 10 franks coin, it's gold and silver and neato!

[ x ] What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - SF, LA, NY, TOKYO, paris

[ x ] What are some of your favorite pig out foods - persian food, japanese food, italian food, korean food (gene's mom's food), hong's mom's food, cheese straight up.

[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - physics, just basic mechanics... THAT'S ALL I ASK!!!

[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - writing/reading/analyzing

[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - capt. jo

[ x ] What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow - put that new MB in my computer, and get things running!

in search



i haven't told anyone, yet i've had the idea in my head for a little bit. but i'm looking for someone. not a certian person, although there are charachteristics which i desire in this person. male or female i have no preference...



what do i want to do with this person? i want to start another blog!



yups, high-entropy will remain the same, it's not going anywhere...

but i need another blogger. but i want one to share, update it daily or every two days or so....yet i need someone else in order to do so. someone who likes to argue a bit, someone who has opinions and thinks about things in their idle time instead of just being another one of those human veggies that take up space and say/do everything that they're told...



so anyhow. if anyone wants to share a blog you know how to find me....

saving



the indians lived peacefully. they didn't understand the concept of ownership.

the europeans lived forcefully. they didn't understand the concept of sharing.



the indians didn't take what they didn't need. if they were hungry, they'd take some food. until they were full. and then stop taking it. it'd be there when they were hungry again.... they lived on the principal that if you don't need it right now then don't take it. and if you do need it right now then take it.



the europeans belived in saving. if you don't have enough money to buy something, save your money until you do. if you are hungry, and there's more food on the table than you need. take some for later, cause you'll get hungry later, and who knows where the food would be when that happens.



now then... applying these ideas to my life. i see that there are certain experiences which i want to experience before i die. but for some reason now isn't the time to do so. and i feel that i'm "saving" them untill i have that opportunity. "i've always dreamed of _____ " i find myself saying, and then saying "but i can't now, cause i have to do _______ instead" but no. i don't have to do ________ instead. i don't HAVE to do anything. i do everything that i wish to do. sometimes because i'm certain that it'll benefit me in the future. actually most of the time. always focusing on the future. but the indians were more focused on the present.



the present can't be pushed aside for focusing on the future.



i've decided that if i find myself saying that i really wanted to do something, then i should find out what it will take in order for me to do it! why wait? will the times really become better to do what it is that i want? will they get worse? who knows. i guess since i live in america, i should pretend that i'm an indian, instead of a european, even though the did conquer the indans... maybe i should look into being forcefull and greedy, strictly for survival?

details



such an old and played out line: "it's the little things that count"



as i observe life, i've realize that there are no little things. little things are big things. things are things, there's no relative size comparison so if it's a thing it's a thing, there's no little no big...



how has this become such a mixup? i'm not sure, i'll take a stab at it though....



details spark trains of thought. we were talking about music, song lyrics. to be more detailed i observed that the song lyrics that jump out at you and grab your attention aren't the generic ones, the ones that are general and use words that can be found in all top 40 of the current top 40 songs (ex of these words::: tonight, your eyes, i miss you, beautiful... there's tons) my point being that these are general, they don't spark emotions because they don't remind you of the little things, or like i'm trying to say, things.



personal experience: so i'm listening to dave matthews's song trippin billies, and there's a line in the song that he says



"remembering once out on the beaches,

we wore pineapple grass bracelets"



this line which is very detailed sparks a train of thought which just allows my mind to wander, i start to think about how they're on vacation somewhere tropical, where pineapples grow, and the beaches are crystal clear, and how they ate a romantic picnic on the sands and looked into eachother's eyes with the same feeling between them. and then i start to wonder what made them decide to make pineapple grass bracelets, and how they must have really liked eachother to make these bracelets for eachother, because personally i wouldn't just make bracelets with anyone, especially out of pineapple grass. it's so detailed that it had to have happened, and you can feel the emotion.



but generic song lyrics, " i just can't wait to hold you tonight" or some jazz like that, there's no feeling in that. dave matthews also can't wait to hold his girl tonight, and he's been thinking about it all the while, running on the beach, making bracelets, during that, the emotion is conveyed but only because we use our train of thought to get there.



the train doesn't go backwards quite as easy. Since the train doesn't go back so easy, that makes for the big things to not be so big. it's a thing. a thing in our mind. i like to play with things. i think about things. cause the little things are the only things, big things are little things too.

blogger



so i've been hella pissed off at blogger.com for a while, because i post stuff and it doesn't get posted!

that's a piece.



so then i reflect back on why things aren't working and viola, there it is, a password was wrong, so i just went in and changed that password...

things work! all except the archives, i'm missing the last two months. which is sad, cause now i feel i've lost the past two months of my life!



the writing juices are back to flowing, so watch out now!