Wednesday, September 25, 2002

finding my girl

i wrote something about green grass and dog sh*t, well more than that, but basically. and i got a response saying "you'll find your girl someday when you least expect it..." which is a beautiful thought, but also made me realize that yes, i'm writing about girls. and geez i do write about girls a lot.

in a small conversation with a freind, he asked. i thought you were happy? i thought you liked being single? and you know what i do. being single is treating me good. although there are times when i'm just not all that excited about being single, for the most part, i can picture myself putting a significant other through hell and back. not by choice, nor by chance, but because i change so much, and i'm such a critic that i'd drive them insane.

on the exterior i've been told that i'm a very "chill" or "kick back" sorta guy, i hear that all the time.... but it's only because i am that way about issues that i feel are unimportant. which are in turn very important to other people. i like to think of myself as an artist trapped in an engineer's body. so to the world i'm seen differently than how i really feel. i mean that's my one way depiction of myself, and i'm the only one who can't see myself when i'm out in the crowd, so it could very well be a bit twisted. but it makes me feel good about myself.

i'm a very patient person. sometimes i think a bit too patient.... don't know why, maybe mom and dad had lots of patience with me.

i had this ending on saturday. i'm not sure what ended but it was storybook ending for me. me and three friends went to the beach... we got there and climed on the rocks. the weather was so nice that i sat down and noticed that the already low tide was extremely clear. usually the water here is foamy, and upturned sand pollutes the shore. today was different, it was sparkly clear water with small ripples turning the seaweed. feeling hung over and tired from the night before i layed down and put my hat on top of my face. that was the first time i heard the waves crash on the shore and felt the cool breese refresh my skin from the sun's warm rays. the two guys i was with weren't nap ready so they quickly jumped up to explore more of the strangely beautiful day. the girl who was left also layed down behind me to enjoy the ocean's fresh ora. although she soon got up and slowly left leaving me there alone with the sparkly water, the smooth crashing waves, the cool breese, and my thoughts... for some reason i was at peace, and slipped into what seemed to be a 10min nap. i don't know how long it was but when i woke up, i felt the hangover had left me. i was ameer again. i didn't feel the stomach ache or the sensitive body feeling anymore. strange, but something ended that day and another thing began. i didn't even realize anything there on that rock, except that i'll never be here like this again, ever.


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