Friday, February 28, 2003

just wasted 90+ minutes of my life to not beat this typing game, it's pretty intense.. sharks, divers, piranhas lot's and it's educational!

i also recommend the fish game, the only problem is that the last tank isn't up yet, so i'm going to sit here and WAIT till it's ready!!

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Dear Elisa

hi there elisa, it's been so long since i've last saw you. and randomly running into you at USC the other day really caught me off guard. not to say i didn't enjoy it, because i did. but i just hadn't thought of what it'd be like to bump into you around now. i'm actually very happy at how comfortable it was for me, i'm not sure if you were, but i was, and it seemed that you were also. i recall talking to you years ago and feeling frustrated, uneasy, and all of those mixed up emotions that high school kids feel even though i was in college. it's strange the turns and curves that life throws at us and how prepared we are even though we don't feel that we have had any preparation. i forgot how pretty you are, and how much fun it is to be around you. not to say that i've now changed my life's goal to persue and ultimately win you over, no. but it was somewhat of an ego boost, i once dated a girl as pretty as you. it's a compliment to both of us. ex girlfriends and broken hearts have surrounded me almost 24 hrs a day, from the guys i live with to the girl that i date. the theme of ex lovers has been played out in my life more than any two top 40 radio stations combined. and it was a comforting feeling to see you and not have these mixed up emotions that i see the people around me dealing with. i saw you, you looked good, you have direction, you are established, and i didn't see any grey hairs!

made me feel good to see you and i just want to tell you this way, probably because you will never read this and all my other friends will, and also because i don't want you to think the wrong thing. i know girls are always guessing the guy's underlying motive, and personally i don't have one. well not with you at least =)

but i do hope to bump into you again sometime, doesn't have to be soon, just has to be.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

san diego

i usually post something here that upsets me, bewilders me, or is something i find so intresting that it stays in my head till i get back to the keyboard from wherever/whoever i'm out with.

but this is my journal, my web journal. meaning that this web site, is dedicated soley to me, for everyone on the internet across the world to see.

sure i look at my site meter says i get hits a day average... those 18 people com here to find out one thing, what's up with me and what's on my mind.

well something happened to me yesterday. i got a call.

i've been offered a job, and it's in LA.

i can't wait to get out of SD and i'm making progress towards that. so while i type in this window, laying on the floor of hong's house listening to records i'm just gitty inside, awaiting the unknown of moving somewhere new.

SD has been a hole for me.

the fact that i have very little money and way too much time doesn't make for much fun.

read hong's blog, then you'll understand who i see when i wake up, go to bed, hang out with in the day, hang out with in the night... his title is nudream, but it seems he's stuck on an old dream, i love him as a brother, but he's pulling me down and i need all the pushing up i can get. some time away would do me some good. some independance would make me grow at the rate which i'll feel satisfied with.

i'm stoked, i've overcome the unemployed rut that this year started off with. i started jan 03 2003 and got myself a job offer on feb 21 2003 that's not as fast as i would have liked but after learning about all the damn politics that are going on these days, i guess that's a good thing.

i'm working at this one company, when i look it up on google, they're like a phantom company, they don't have voicemails or a web page. everyone knows each other and they're the best at what they do. well they hired me so i guess that i'm either damn good looking and they want me to be in a new web site launch as the company's web site spokesperson, or they figured that throught the 1 1/2 day interview that i'd work best with them and they with me. probably the latter, but hey, we'll see !

that's all that's new with me these days.

i got to get to posting some more pics, cause that's all i look for when i surf people's blogs... and i want mine as generic as possible =) in a good way i guess.

Thursday, February 20, 2003


i usually never recall what it is that i dream about. once in a while i'll have a dream that seems like a reoccuring dream and i'm not sure if it is or if it's just that in the dream it felt as though i dreamed of this place before. regardless those are one type of dream. the second type of dream is the daydream. when i sit in a boring lecture and my mind wonders about different topics, ideas, just a glaze come over my face and i find myself lost inside my own head. finally there's the dream: the dream to become.

"one day i want to be a quarterback"

something like that. the far fetched dream that is almost unreal yet at the same time seems like... eh, with some luck, it'll happen.

i say no.

no luck.

follow your dream and you'll get lost on the way. i'm not bitter about something and i'm not saying that dreaming is bad. but i am saying that you don't just up and follow your dream.

i guess the problem is that i don't know what my dream is. or the problem is that i have so many dreams, that even if all were to become possible, i wouldn't be able to physically experience each one due to time constraints, assuming that i live to be 90.

dreams are called dreams because they are simply that. they're something that is in your head and that's all. a desire to do something and a dream are different. people find what they like, and they take small steps towards that direction. this way they grow and realize what it is that they're really doing, and what it is that they really want or don't want.

well... there's not much more to say without some concrete details, and personally i don't have any off the top of my head.

i've got some ideas to write here but don't have the time exactly yet. but i do have a layout update... check the comment sections!

Saturday, February 8, 2003

dose tings

sometimes, you hit a low point in your life. everyone does, at different times too, they go through that break up, or that big dissapointment, or even just a string of really shitty days.

and at that time you realize things about yourself, mostly things that you need to improve, or change, or refine. in order to become someone greater that who you already are.

so in "the long run" it's good for you to go through these low points, the scraping the bottom of the barrel time helps you understand the barrel that you've got.

i just had a small little hole i was in. you know you're in that hole when you're around those few people who you just can never ever be unhappy with, and you feel blah.

yea i was there, you gotta get up,

you are the only one.

my dad tells me, you gotta look out for no. 1, you, cause nobody else will, like you will.

friends, family they are always there for you but sometimes you have to push them aside for a sec. and see if what you're doing is what you should be doing.

there's just some things, they happen because. i hate that phrase "things happen for a reason" shit of course they do! sir issac newton discovered that and turned it into a law. but people put a skew on it, they think that bad things happen now, so that good things will come of it, which is bakwards!

bad things come as a result of what you do now!

every action creates an equal and opposite reaction. it's hard for people to think like that, they can't use their brains with those ideas and understand completely what goes on. nobody can. heck i can't.

things are good, you can't imagine them going bad, things are bad you can't imagine them good. so hope is all you've got, and hope is just a blindfold over your eyes and a voice saying it'll be ok.. it'll be fine.

gotta try to take off the blindfold and see what's really going on, screw hope and start applying the laws of physics to your daily life!

i'll never become an inspirational speaker, ever.

Saturday, February 1, 2003


i'm almost positive that the world has no real proof that i really exist.

there's this web site of course,

but if i died, it'd be the foul stank of my rotting flesh that attracted people to my decaying carcass.

maybe Richard Van Pham is having the same issue that's why he continually tries to get lost at sea...

but he was lost for almost 3 months and nobody even reported him missing, once they found him they realized he was gone.

now i'm not sure it's that extreme with me, but it's getting there. i sit in this room, just sitting and interneting and what do i have to show for it? a spreadsheet full of jobs i am qualified for and apparently don't want me.

it's a sad day in sucky san diego. i don't like it here. san diego is like a hole that i fell into and getting out requires that someone throw a rope to me...

at least this web site lifted my spirits, i mean you need some humor once in a while you know.

even if it's dark and negative.