Saturday, August 23, 2003

52 card pickup

ever play that game as a kid, 52 card pickup? where you ask someone if they wanna play, and they dunno what it is, and then you throw all the cards in the air, and say "pick them up!"

that's how life feels today.

yea, my cards are all over the floor and i'm picking them up. some people pick the cards up really fast. some people will be discusted and just walk away. others, like me... we'll sit there, asses the situation. wonder why the heck we didn't see that a game called 52 card pickup would be just that. picking up 52 cards, and how that could have been avoided.

am i talking about one thing in general? nope. tons of stuff. everything. i got a ticket yesterday for doing an illegal u turn, then got a parking ticket in the spot i u turned into 3 hrs later. my psudo love life, which hasn't really existed for the past few months is slowly disintegrating without any means for me to hold it together. i'm moving yet again, and have no motivation/desire to pack up this shit i just unpacked in this craphole appt i've rented out for almost my whole paycheck the last three months. what really gets me, and the reason that i feel defeated right now, it's saturday. i look forward to saturdays like a child looks forward to dessert, and i have NO plans. tonight could end up right here, on my computer. in my app. in norwalk. in my sulking, self pity-ing, depressed mood.

now i find that most of the time when i have an issue, i write it down. to someone who cares mostly. this way i see and think about expressing how i feel and what really has got me down. that way i find a counter to my sadness. and i am able to get myslef somewhat of a remedy to the situation. working towards the greater good is something that i've been learning in my "leadership" meetings. and well... my greater good is me being content with me. maybe that will happen someday, i just gotta shake off these games of 52 card pickup.

so i just smoke a cig, and get off my ass. cause what else is there really to do? right?


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