Friday, October 15, 2004

independence day!

last night i found what i have been looking for. balls? guts? some would say “you just don’t have the plums!” well i found them last night! and it feels good, it feels great!

i’ve always admired those who are independent, the people who are able to go to a movie, dinner at a restaurant, or even a club/bar alone. they have no friends meeting up, and nothing to do besides have a good time by themselves. there’s something about how these people carry themselves and talk that i admire. there’s something about them that tells me that they’re in control and it’s attractive to me, i want to be seen by others as i see them!

there’s only one way for me to do so, and that is to enjoy a dinner at denny’s or the random persian restaurant (yas restraunt) down the street by myself. bring a book, or a newspaper… and enjoy the fact that i don’t have to engage into conversation for a meal. initially i felt very sad and sorry for those 1 person tables when i spotted them. eating alone in public was a depressing sight for me to see. until i talked to someone who actually had done so 1st hand, he told me that he enjoyed doing so every once in a while. the absence of conversation and company allow you to clear your thoughts and reflect on yourself. he said that he learned a lot from being alone, and doesn’t fear a few hrs without a companion.

my admiration for these people has always been great, mostly because i haven’t done what they have done. they have accomplished feats that i have yet to conquer… oh contraire!! yesterday i ventured into the pig and whistle bar off of geary in san francisco. and i did it alone. that’s right ladies and gentlemen, i’ve lived to tell about going somewhere by myself! i contemplated a movie, but that wasn’t going to happen just yet. i need to take baby steps here. i do feel an accomplishment, and that’s what i’m doing up here… accomplishing things.

i talked to the bartender wearing the shirt with a small school bus that said “let’s get retarded in here” and asked him if this pig and whistle was somewhat connected to the pig and whistle in hollywood. he said no, and mentioned that pig and whistle is a famous name for a pub. in my amazement i asked him why and where and how he came up with that… i’ve seen 2 pig and whistles in my life, and this second one i have known of for about 1 and ½ pints. he went on to tell me that back in the uk, in the medieval times wine was called piggins, but then the piggins was placed in a vessel. so pig and whistle is a bastardization of the words piggins and vessel.

i did not spend the entire night at that bar, i can’t give myself 100% credit for being independent, a friend picked me up and we hit up some bars, but the night was more of your typical night out with friends, which was fun by the way.

point being, i have started becoming more independent. hey, i got no friday plans, maybe i’ll go out to dinner alone! becoming an independent person sure can be lonely.


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