Sunday, January 30, 2005

take my virtual tour

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

you remind me

I’m a traveling man, your modern day nomad, and I’ve learned a few things about traveling. Things such as: along with discovering new places one also discovers new faces. I’m not referring to new reactionary facial expressions generated by my face due to the new place I’ve “discovered”, I mean meeting new (as in to me, not new born or some undiscovered new race) people.

It’s great to meet new people, it’s exciting and well… new however it is also awkward. That’s right, the term “meet new people” is often falsely reminisced. Upon hearing this infamous phrase, insecure boy/girl friends have had their hearts ripped out, trampled to dust, and then swept up with a broom and dustpan. Why is that? Because “meet new people” usually refers to those new people that you instantly click with, Those attractive looking people where the conversation flows like wine (and we’re not talking 2 buck chuck).

TANGENT: We (as humans) repress the bad memories, ask me about any relationship and I’ll tell you they were all filled with utter bliss and harmony. It’s only with a pick, spade, and jackhammer that I can dig up the dark memories of “I dunno, I just got over you“, “ let’s just be friends “ and the ever so popular “ I met someone ameer… ” heck, most of those quotes are catch phrases for me by now.

Back to “meeting new people”, I’m not aiming to prove my degree of loser-dome nor the fact that I’ve personally “met someone new”… I’ve got another topic on my mind here…

I’ve met new people during my excursion to san Francisco, once in a while I meet someone who reminds me of a person that I already know. This new person, and the old person I’m reminded of, have never met each other and most likely will never meet. However, there are entities that these two people share that I find similar such as facial features, the method in which they talk, their interests… the list is enormous. This brings me to a very difficult decision, do I tell the new person that I know of someone that reminds me of them? The thing is, “hey I have a friend just like you” isn’t particularly flattering.

While hanging out with a buddy of mine, I met one of his friends, a girl who reminded me of a former roommate. This girl and I were introduced and then my buddy had to attend to something else which left this new girl and me alone together. I kept looking at this girl, thinking in my head, “geez, this girl reminds me of my old roommate!!” yet I pushed that phrase like a bulldozer as far as I could from my mouth. When before my very eyes, and ears, she slammed me with “you totally remind me of this friend of mine!”

In my attempts to save her the feeling of being a clone, someone who is a carbon copy of someone else, a non-individual, a number, a serialized entity in this photocopy world we live in… it was I who felt less unique, disposable, insignificant, and I felt like I’d be “trying” if I then told her that she reminded me of my former roommate.

I disregarded what she said and I tried to not give the body language of “oh, I do? That’s just great, hey… how about those Mets?!” but I’m not sure it worked as she soon ended our conversation about Nike vs. Reebok in the 90’s and ran off to hang out with the friends that she arrived to the bar with.

To remedy the situation (sarcasm) I talked to my former roommate later on in the week and told her that i met someone that reminded me of her. Of course my roommate, being more comfortable with me than I was with the recently met new person, scrutinized the other girl and basically forced me to tell her just how different the two of them were. Not that they were clones of each other, but there was similarities I had noticed.

Maybe it’s better to simply have no conversation than to have the “you totally remind me of my friend” conversation. Remember it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

well, just what if…

I watched the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. After the movie, I, just as everyone else who watched it, wondered if I would do the same thing.

A bit of background on the movie: there is a doctor who can erase people from your memory. The procedure happens in your own bed after you go to sleep and when you wake up, it’s as if the person you erased never existed.

Most of the movie has people who erase loved ones or pets or someone that they loved and then lost, and the hurt was just too much... the downside to this is that they have to erase good memories as well as bad memories. Maybe for them the pain of the bad memories is far too much, and the good memories are worth sacrificing for the unattainable ‘ignorant bliss’ people constantly yap about.

If I were to erase people from my memory, and certantly would give my business to the doctor in this movie, I would erase those people that caused me soley grief and pain. Two people come to mind in an instant: Mr. Madkins, and Mrs. Lockridge. Who are they, My 8th and 5th grade teachers, respectively. Mr Madkins once told me (in front of the entire class) “i’m so full of your shit, my eyes are brown” what could a 7th grader possibly do to deserve that? This guy also put me in remedial English (which doesn’t come to a surprise after browsing thru my older blog archives). Regardless he had it out for me, or he had it in for me… how does that go again?

Now Mrs. Lockridge… that woman put me thru 5th grade hell. I was new to the school after transferring from a different school that I spent most of my grade school years. This homeroom teacher had a ‘sign in’ book, for those instances when a studen would talk in class and get caught, if someone didn’t do their homework, was late from recess… etc. however, I was the only person in the class who had to sign in for sitting on their feet. That’s right, I was a feet sitter, and I still am damnit!! What exactly is ‘feet sitting’ you may ask? Simple, feet sitting is when one sits on their feet, in my case this is done while sitting on a chair. That’s right, I would ‘sign in’ every time she caught me sitting on my feet. 3 or 4 signatures each month would result in a loss of movie privileges. Each month a movie was shown to the good kids, while the other ‘bad’ kids were sent to study hall.

I never made a movie that year. I found myself with the children that didn’t turn in their homework, or the ones that talked back to the teacher… the badasses. I was a false badass. In grownup person talk it’s equivalent to being in prison for outstanding late fees at the public library. The story gets worse from here…. I remember clear as crystal the boy who sat next to me. I remember his face, his first and last name, I even remember that he always wore white reebok high tops. He had a few pairs of them. He sat to my left and there was an isle between us. His name was mike and he would not only sit on his feet just as I would, he also would push back and lift up the front two legs of his chair as to recline and lean on the back legs of the chair, A cardinal sin in the realm of 5th graders. He, however, had unexplainable immunity. I never witnessed him ‘sign in’ once for sitting on his feet.

I’d erase mrs lockridge in a second, and I’d erase the vivid memories of those ‘good’ children’s faces on their way back from the movie. Heck… I don’t think I’d lose out if I erased my entire 5th grade education! I don’t think I even learned anything, I was too busy trying to not instinctually sit on my feet!

Yes that’s how I recall painted rock elementary school, something I wish to have erased.

Friday, January 14, 2005

back with a vengance

one of my all time favorite blogs is back with fury! she's mad, and pimp, madpimp(dot com) and she's made a paperdoll for all of us readers to post on our own blogs:

Put this in YOUR blog!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

wonder about those years

I’ve been watching an overly excessive amount of “the wonder years” episodes lately. I’m on episode 39. I started on Sunday with episode 1. there’s a theme with this show that I can relate to, frankly, everyone can relate to… Kevin Arnold, the main character, is a 13 year old parallel to my 25 year old life.

Every episode he miraculously gets himself into these situations that are beyond his control that make him appear to be a self centered jerk. However, we know by his mature narrative voice that his intentions are 100% pure, unselfish, and kind hearted. his goals are to pass middle school, ward off as much embarrassment as possible, and capture the heart of his biggest crush ever- Winnie cooper.

How does this parallel my early adulthood? Well I’m simply trying to get by with a job of some sort, I also have countless moments each day where I worry about avoiding embarrassment, and well… as far as not getting the girl, I am the A+, no.1 professional in that dept. actually, Kevin Arnold is so close to getting the girl yet always manages to miraculously lose her just as he realizes that she is everything that could make his adolescent world a wonderland.

I reflect back to when I was in middle school, and high school, and college, and even now that I’m in “the real world”, while watching the series. I find myself facing similar trials as our hero Kevin Arnold is facing. My Winnie cooper is just out of reach at almost all times. once in a while she’ll tease me and I’ll for a brief moment realize that Winnie just may have the hots for me. Of course, after riding my high horse for a day thinking that I’ve just roped the world by the gonads, I’ll turn the hall corner to my locker and see her holding hands of an 8th grade jock that she supposedly broke up with 2 weeks ago.

Problems of a middle schooler and problems of a 25 year old are pretty similar when simplified to the basics. i’ll have to finish the 115 episodes and find out just what happens to our hero in the end. Who knows, even a loser has to win sometimes, doesn’t he?

Monday, January 3, 2005

This was on des’s blog as a new years questionnaire

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?

i quit my stable, credible job, in order to move to a city simply for the reason that I always wanted to live in that city. it felt good.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more

for next year?

Yes and yes. And mmm… yes. I don’t have high goals for myself!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

yea, dar and becky had baby lou. 10lb baby, baby! What’s scary is that dar and I used to play transformers back in the early 80’s… now he’s mr. Daddy!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

my closest aunt anita! I think it was this year… feels like yesterday. Even when we had huge family gatherings at her place, she always catered the menu to me. I think she did so cause nobody enjoyed her food more than I did. She also loved my hugs. She swore she was going to make me teach all of her sons how to hug.

5. What countries did you visit?

san diego, los angeles, orange county, san jose, san francisco (these are countries?!) if not, I drove to puerto nuevo in mexico on christmas eve!

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

a job in SF, a room in SF, a life in SF basically.

7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 24th the day I quit from CFW. It was tough, I miss people from that job and I miss getting a regular paycheck. But I haven’t regretted my decision.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I can’t really say I have one… but I’m working on a ton of them. It’ll be like an avalanche of achievements!

9. What was your biggest failure?

same as every year… any relationship that I attempt (love intrest relationship that is)

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?

almost every Saturday i felt a bit hungover does that count? Does heartache count? I did have a lot of colds, almost once every two months

11. What was the best thing you bought?

250GB external harddrive. Oh baby let me tell you how many songs I’ve gotten due to that puppy! That and my ipod. I use that everyday!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

desiree… she set multiple goals and achieved them at lightning speed, she’s my inspiration

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

mostly my own… yet this is based upon my own reflection, and we know that the memory is never a valid source of the past, it eaisly becomes contorted.

14. Where did most of your money go?

into a savings account, and it’s still there. although it’s slowly dwindling! *panic* I did pay off my car and I did damage my creditcard debt!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Moving up to SF, which I haven’t exactly done yet, but I did get really really excited about it! and yes, someday I will blog from SF!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?

anything from john mayer. I saw him in concert for the first time in 2004. and it was gravy!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

much poorer, alone, unstable, yet happy. Go figure!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

I needed to think more. spend more time on my turntables, reading books and blogs, a new layout for this webpage would have been nice to have in 2004

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

right about now I wish I spent more time in la, and spent less money, so I could have more savings now, and I could have more memories of la and less of orange county

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

as an unemployed 25 year old who is getting everything they want for christmas, yay mom!

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?

yes and no. I fell in love with san francisco this year, but I’ve had a burning desire for her for many years. This year I think it blossomed into love.

23. How many one-night stands?

i wish I could put a number here larger than 0. does this certify me as a loser?!

24. What was your favorite TV program?

when the tv is off and the radio is on.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

maybe, but more that jealous hate… envy some may say.

26. What was the best book you read?

HAHAH I’ve been reading a hemingway book for about 9 months now, it’s around 210 pages… “a moveable feast”. Reading is tough for us engineers. I’m on page 128 =(

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

breakbeat. I took a ton of songs from my friend and most of it was breaks. I love it!

28. What did you want and get?

an adventure

29. What did you want and not get?

an easy time achieveing my adventure, there’s tons of girl stories here too… but that’s not just a 2004 thing, that’s more of a lifetime story.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

since I’ve thought of this for about 5 mins with no answer, I guess I have none =( I did watch buffalo ’66 and enjoyed that but it’s a 1999 release I think.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I rounded 25 years. Had a party at my mom and dad’s place where they cooked for all my friends. We then went out to downtown san diego and spent way too much money on overpriced drinks and cover charges. My friends love me.

32. What is one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

finding a hair stylest I like.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?


34. What kept you sane?

nothing… look at me!&^#^%$

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

that cute girl on tv *hubba hubba!*

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

that whole electing a president thing

37. Who did you miss?

many people. I’d be sad if I didn’t have people to miss.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

There’s not a good answer for this one. Best isn’t a word I like to abuse like the r est of us english speakers.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:

when I told people that I was quitting my job to move to a city, simply because I had promised myself that I would one day live in that city, I saw in their eyes how it feels to live a conservative life and not risk following a dream. The look that I got from so many people was indescribable, however I knew from those stares that I was doing something that others only dreamed they had done, yet cannot now.

I learned that we have too much fear of the unknown. It’s ok to fail and it’s ok to not have everything planned and set and safe. How does the cliché go? Live a little! I learned that this year.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“danke schon, darling danke schon.

Thank you for, all the joys and pain.” -Wayne newton