Monday, June 14, 2004


this past weekend i've realize just how insensitive i am. in all aspects of the sensitivity realm. it started friday night. picked up a friend from the airport. (sidenote, lax sucks. where the hell do you park to go pick someone up? i couldn't find it? so i drove in circles while gas prices remain at 2.30/gallon till my friend was on the curb. not a good system.) so i'm excited to see her and when i see her she's not so excited, although all week we've been talking about how fun this weekend will be. we drive for a second, do the normal small talk, i ease the clutch out and we start moving when all of a sudden she jumps and points out the window. "there's the guy!"

-ok, i'm lost. the guy? who's the guy.. fill me in here. turns out he was a 19 year old from somewhere going to iraq. his parents were crying cause he was leaving. she felt so compelled to get his email and somehow try to send him a care package of some sort. Ooohhh. she intentionally sat next to him so she could hear about this guys story. and i found myself stuck. this situation paralelled a situation which i have a great phobia of. girls crying. i blogged about it one day, how i don't know what to do and fear the situation where i'm supposed to comfort a crying girl. seems like there's no right way to do it so you end up screwed. SAME with this scenario. but i tried to let her know that it is not an easy thing to do, and i'm not man enough to do this role. heck when i was 19 i was seltered by the dorms and relyed on the guidance, wisdom, and money from mom and dad.

later that night, after a few drinks and a stupid shot of 151 i find her telling the story to a mutual friend. and she then says that when she told me the story i made her feel stupid for feeling that way. i thought i was being sensitive but i guess i'm just not.

then the next day i was in front of the bbq, grilling some carne asada and some pollo asado. the smoke was blowing right in my face and as my friend came to get some meat, he had to stand behind the grill, "how do you just stand there!! the smoke is killing me!?" i don't know, i just am. then he tells me to take a swig of his jack and coke that someone gave him. he claims it's way too strong. i have some and it's a bit on the coke side for me i tell him. this leads to a conversation about how when i say it's not spicy, it's usually too spicy for my friend.

what can i say? is it that i'm just insensitive, or have i been numbed in more than one way. who's to know? maybe i just hang out with more sensitive people than myself. is that better? what if i was the most sensitive? i'd be making the people around me feel as i do and i'd be the one dealing with hot food, incompassionate people, and smoke from bbq's.

in this case i want to say we have to use the "goldie locks" theorm. she's the girl who went to the three bears house. the too hot soup, too cold, just right. this is an in the middle. follows the goldie locks theorm. and i'm a bit on the too hot of soup. can someone blow on my soup? or better yet, get me an ice cube?


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