lots of things..

There's so many things, there's just lots of things!

things usually is a good thing for me, i look for girls

with things i like to buy things with things... i mean

overall i enjoy lots of things

but lately my things are starting to take a toll on me

i have too many involvements, like how i work 10 hrs a

day then go and spend three solid days doing orientation

stuff and friend time!!

it's nice to come home with nothing to do once in a while

but i'm not 1005 sure what i mean by that cause i am

so afraid of being alone... most people are, but that

doesn't make it ok.

so lately i've been doing something different. i've been

sitting somewhere, sometimes at work, sometimes at home,

or even in the car. and i think up something that's worth

writing down (for me at least) and so i jot down a few ideas

or like a flow chart of concepts...

so i can later go back and write about them either here or

somewhere else.

here's some examples:

1.) coffee breath,

-need coffee to stay awake,

-gum to stay fresh...

-need cash to buy gum

-need a job to get cash

-need coffee to survive at a job

2.) cranky:

snapping @ people

not sleeping

being idle @ work

tired at work

take it out on friends and family...

3.) the mentality "well since i'm working then..."

-controlling mentality

-control freak

-destiny

-lazyness

-letting destiny take course or being lazy?

lazy/scared

these are some notes that i jot down to later write about...

the only bad part is that i don't remember the stuff that

fills out these random outlines.

cause i'm pretty much in a daydream when i think of them, and

then i go into this sort of realization on the way out of the

daydream, and viola, there's my outline! if i could type 50 words

a second i could document in detail what it is that i was

thinking, but i couldn't so that's where the notes come in and

that's where they go!

damn



i feel that i've been pretty up to par on the flow of blogs lately.

but i haven't....



see it's like all blogs are interlinked. nobody blogs their own stuff and sticks to just that. they have at least somebody that they read about on another blog page...

so in result they are in touch with the blog community.. "web" springs to mind for more than obvious reasons.



anyhow, i've been out of the "web of blogs" just lately... like it was a really high point, then dipped, now it's picking up and i don't have a second blog wind!!!!



i do sit at work and think of things to write about, but then i "pull a naveeds" and leave that shit at work!!! damn it, this blog would have been semi intresting had i not stayed at work till i just couldn't bear to be there and then jet out at mach speed...



speaking of work, i'm gonna have to be there mighty soon, so i'm gonna peaceoutlates word to your mother and all that good stuff

just a baaad day



i consider my self a pretty goofy charachter. i was talking to sticky vicki yesterday about how i strangely felt sincere when i usually make fun of the poor girl. why i felt that way i had no idea. until today hit.



normally i'm you're run of the mill joker, smartass, happy-go-lucky kinda guy who can shrug off the bad and focus on the good...



today was different. i came home from work cranky, pissed off.. i was al bundy!!!

why the heck was i so upset? nothing bad at work happened... nothing bad with me happened. and for some reason i focused only on the bad things that went wrong. my dad chewed me out today cause my car wasn't working, the passport lady said my head was too big in the picture, i got lost trying to pick up my dad's car, the bank didn't have deposit envelopes!!!



small things



the small things are what really get you goin.



*now let's focus on the good things:

at work i learned how to make an html file for my email signature, i was so excied about it that i took this picture to put in it:







i think it's funny. other's prolly won't but hey, it makes my day that much better, and damnit. it's the little things that destroy or make your day....



another thing that i found i really enjoyed was time alone... i love eveyone i chose to surround myself with, but i really enjoy time alone these days. usually i need someone to go to the store with me cause i can't go solo. now i'm dying to just chill by myself for an hr... i got to mix 4 records today and even tho that's like 15 mins, it was the best damn part of my day!

maybe tomorrow will turn into 20 mins!!!



my half empty glass is turning half full slowly.

vegas



the math of las vegas:



+80 inital value

- 40 roulet

- 20 drinks

- 20 boxers/socks/t-shirt

+ 15 dad felt like i needed some money

+96 roulet again! thanks hong and tiff for picking winners!!!



overall not a bad weekend! besides the fact that i thougth it was more important to take the trash from the front yard to the back yard and forget my bag right there in the front yard so i had to wear the same damn clothes.. felt pretty stupid.. my family and didn't hlep me forget it either.



highlights:

seeing my brother play drinking games with my mom

learning how to play blackjack, 300 dollars worth....

leaving las vegas at 6:30 am

wearing the same clothes for an entire weekend builds charachter

grape fights in a hotel room build messes



on good think about vegas is the car ride. it's long, it's boring. how could that be good? well you get to talk to whoever you're driving with... and sure i'd much rather be driving in suv packed with hot girls who think i'm the funniest, sexiest, best catch of the year batchelor. but i think i had just as much fun talking my roomate's ear off,



he asked me a question that i've not thought about tho, he said, " are you looking for a girlfriend? "

and i thought about it and wasn't sure what to say. i mean people are always keeping an eye out for that someone to just majically appear rite? but as a main priority, i have to say not really... but that's been my mentality for a while now, and it occured to me that it may be able to change. i can always change my mind. anyone can change! it's the surrounding expectations that don't change, the external taliking behind backs that comes back to your face that people fear.

if my favorite color is red, and it's been red, but then i sorta notice that i really am not liking red anymore and green is just so appealing, but still everyone thinks that red is what i still like and all my bday presents are red, mom buys me red cereal.. it's hard to change your mind and let it be public...



that's what i thought when heard the question. then i thought do i want to change my mind? i'm not sure. i'll sleep on it... that's all i really have to say about that i guess

idiot



i find myself being more of an idiot every day.

why i dunno?

i don't really have any concrete examples... i just feel that way, i feel like a fool. like the people who i interact with laugh at me for being so oblivious behind my back... i really wish people would just laugh in front of my face so that i would know what they are laughing about!!!!



went to costco today. gotta love those polish sausages!



so it's been like a week since i updated this pathetic excuse of a web site.

i've been learning Pro/E, it's a CAD (computer aided design) program,

runs about $1500.00 and is a definite skill if anyone knows how to use it,



these are the exciting things i have to write about...



being an engineer i'm unable to observe and sometimes interact with girls, which is basically the

theme of this web site and my writings.



not associating with girls also takes a negative toll on my thought process...

pathetic how independant i seem to be yet how dependant i really am. sad thing is that

the girls that i'm so dependant on have no clue whatsoever.



that makes me sad, now i know why i feel like an idiot

the fuel of the world

was just totally erased because i hit the escape button while highlighting this "edit your blog window" i am an ass.



i'll write it over later... cause now i'm just not up to it....

boring blogs





sometimes i feel that blogs are only for me. like i have a bunch of writers that write daily about the important or intresting aspects of their lives. and i get upset when i read crappy material. i mean i love food, but i don't want to read a paragraph about what someone ate for lunch!!!



then i got to thinking.



i don't have a bunch of writers that write daily about the important or intresting aspects of their lives. i have a little ring of friends that share their lives with me publicly on the internet. i should actually enjoy the posts that i read, not for the entertainment that it brings me, but for the content that is being shared with me.

some people have commented to me the they could never write about themselves like this on the internet. they're afraid of stalkers and identity theft. or maybe they are afraid that they're lives are way too boring or that their writing style is so poor that they'll not impress anyone or give off a worse impression of themselves than they belive that they currently give off.



but the underliying point is that i'm sick of boring blogs. and i'm not helping the situation one bit with this crappy entry. i guess i'm not a humanitarian when it comes to blog entries. damn the system and damn the critics of the system!!! (that includes me)



*i think all this frustration yeilds from not having my turntables set up yet....



no but really, for me to get upset at the quality of blogs must mean that there's an inner source of frustration.... is it the fact that my turntables are all packed up, i don't really think so, i think that i use them to release frustration thus i must be frustrated! living in san diego is difficlut at times. i feel a bit lonely and rushed. so i find myself packing my weekends full of stuff to do while i'm up at irvine. but there's reasons that i'd want to stay here instead. it's complicated and i can't simplify it, but basically those are the important and intresting aspects of my life that are publicly displayed.



sorry for not writing for you.

the REAL world



today i entered the real world yet again. the real world of solar turbines that is. what an endeavor. after sitting through about 5hrs of 70's videos and filling out forms regarding fire extinguishers i was told that i didn't have to go to orientation. yay! information i would have liked to know a bit sooner. either way, it worked out well. my computer at work is a god damn monster!!! it's a brand new dell, all black... pentium xeon workstation... doesn't come with the dual 17" LCD's tho, it's just a flatscreen CRT trinitron display 21"... i can deal with it. =)



anyhow, the subject material that i work on is probably code red, the hightest level of security that solar turbines has. so i can't talk about what it is exactly that i do, but if i could, boy would this page get mad hits!! (all sarcastic lies)

for reals tho, my first day went better than expected, i think i may just enjoy this summer a bit more than i expected as well... things are looking good. knock on my desk, cause well it's wood of course.

so this is it



i'm gettin a move on. the waterbed has been drained, i only got one mouthful of water trying to siphen out the 500+ gallons i had been sleeping on illegaly set on the second story of our mediocre costa mesa townhouse.



i'm currently sitting on my floor with my laptop on my lap *go figure* an empty bedframe, and random shit scattered about... not to mention the 10 gal fish tank is also up.. which i told james i'd post a pic of but since the link is packed i won't be able to do for another week or so.



on to more intresting points and aspects of my life and mind:

watching two girls make out is fun. -but it's only fun in small doses. it's like the creme brulet after a large gormet meal. eating an entire meal of chocolate mouse just doesn't do it for me. a taste once in a while is good tho. actually it's more like watching all of the above on the food network and not getting to actually eat it....



the past few days i've been dreading, and when they came i was scared to take them on. moving out really wasn't something i wanted to do. san diego isn't somewhere i want to be. and wed was the day that i had to actually go through with the reality of what i had been imagining. wed was an awesome day. thursday i didn't want to leave. hangin with hong and vic was awesome. duy too.. love that fool

eating dinner with mom and dad, seeing my sister. there's more in SD for me than i thought. it's just so hard to change. it's inevitable, and people still fight the inevitable. maybe because change requires a bit more work than one would like to put in... i never want to put in work.

i'd rather just sit and watch the food network!

some pics!





here's my car!



picked it up on monday, kinda like a grad present, but i have to pay for it.. i'm happy with it, it's a 94 prelude and it's stickshift! for that sporty guy in me...



on to other topics i got burned:







don't ask how i can't tell, it's top secret, just know that it happened





so that's what's going on in my picture life, as far as other things are concerned, well i'm not too sure what to make of it... over a pitcher of new castle i discussed with a friend about living situations. i'm sad that i have to move out of what's prolly the best living situation that i've been in. we have an understanding, most people think we live in a damn pig sty, but that's another picture post in the future.

it's like brothers that hang out.

not many do, families and friends usually aren't the same people... this kinda goes for roomates too. at least my roomates. most roomates don't go chill together, or stay home together and just hang out. same with families, most brothers and sisters have their own stuff to do when they get free time, instead of wanting to hang out with eachother.

where i'm at now, it's like that, it's fam & friends. i'm gonna miss 70A...



BUT i'm looking forward to being in san diego living with honk and working at solar turbines.



everyone who's ever been to a concert knows that bands always leave you wanting more, cause that feeling of not wanting anymore and wanting to leave is much worse, and leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. so it's good. i'm leaving wanting more...