lots of things..

There's so many things, there's just lots of things!

things usually is a good thing for me, i look for girls

with things i like to buy things with things... i mean

overall i enjoy lots of things

but lately my things are starting to take a toll on me

i have too many involvements, like how i work 10 hrs a

day then go and spend three solid days doing orientation

stuff and friend time!!

it's nice to come home with nothing to do once in a while

but i'm not 1005 sure what i mean by that cause i am

so afraid of being alone... most people are, but that

doesn't make it ok.

so lately i've been doing something different. i've been

sitting somewhere, sometimes at work, sometimes at home,

or even in the car. and i think up something that's worth

writing down (for me at least) and so i jot down a few ideas

or like a flow chart of concepts...

so i can later go back and write about them either here or

somewhere else.

here's some examples:

1.) coffee breath,

-need coffee to stay awake,

-gum to stay fresh...

-need cash to buy gum

-need a job to get cash

-need coffee to survive at a job

2.) cranky:

snapping @ people

not sleeping

being idle @ work

tired at work

take it out on friends and family...

3.) the mentality "well since i'm working then..."

-controlling mentality

-control freak

-destiny

-lazyness

-letting destiny take course or being lazy?

lazy/scared

these are some notes that i jot down to later write about...

the only bad part is that i don't remember the stuff that

fills out these random outlines.

cause i'm pretty much in a daydream when i think of them, and

then i go into this sort of realization on the way out of the

daydream, and viola, there's my outline! if i could type 50 words

a second i could document in detail what it is that i was

thinking, but i couldn't so that's where the notes come in and

that's where they go!