when everybody around me keeps fallin... 6 feet deep



i recall that in highschool, if you asked me or anyone i knew, all of us

would have the same answer. nobody i knew had known someone that died. with

the exception of a grandparent here and there.



come senior year there were a few classmates that were in a car accident, it

was surreal to me that they had passed away. the fact that they died, and i

had known them and seen them all throughout my schooling. i couldn't grasp

it. felt as if they were just not in sight. but realizing that they'd never

be in sight was the scary idea that i just couldn't come to understand.



in college i experience more, and death was a bit closer to me. taking

distant family members or famliy friends that i would see every few years or

so. this was a bit more of a realization to me yet i still didn't

understand the never in "they'll never come back"



with my first year in the real world work force i have had more experience

with death than the previous 23years on this planet. from grandma to aunt

to coworker to regular aquaintences of people i know and who they know.



it seems that as i grow older, death will make itself more and more

apparent. death is something that happens and in the movies it seems like

life just stops when someone else's life stops. but it doesn't. we go on.

party on wayne, party on garth. it's like that i guess... who knew a

saturday night live skit would teach me so much about life and death and

life after death, for the living of course.



i guess i imagined myself to live till i was 106 years old and when i died

my lovely wife of age 106 as well would die with me and it'd be a nice slow

painless in my sleep kinda death, and of course we'd have great sex the

night before, one last time sorta thing... maybe that's the cause of our

death!! what a way to go tho? but it won't. i'll prolly be pulled out of a

wrecked car, or slip on a banana peel and hit my head on a sharp metalic

structure pointy in stature. i figure i'll go and hopefully make it on

darwin's top 10 list. you know, top 10 most idiotic deaths, i heard of one

where a guy tipped a pepsi machine and it crushed him to death. or another

man who after eating beans and cabbage went to bed in his room which had

very poor air circulation died from the amount of toxic gas in the room (yea

his own farts killed him) they said the firemen that went into the room

started throwing up due to the putrid smell. gross.



i don't dream to go that way, but it's just my luck. 106 is double what some

people live. it's quadruple what i've lived. will life at 106 be as good as

it was at 18 or 22 or now at 24. acutually life at 24 is good. i have tons

of problems, but with out problems i'd be bored and have nothing to complain

to friends and co-workers.



but the point here is that death is there. i've been sheilded from it and

now i'm not. it's hard to accept/understand. i know i miss my dog. but i was

so happy when he was around, i remember then, still makes me smile =) man he

was fat!