just a dinner.. right?



so tonight we're having dinner together. i haven't seen you for what seems like a month but i'll say technically prolly close to 3 months. this is ironic because at the technical month of not seeing eachother it really felt like 3months of being apart.... maybe more. so why this change of emotion? how did things all of a sudden flip flop? well first of all that's what i wanted. i didn't want to miss you, i hate missing out, and hate missing people even more! and i always get what i want, when i really want it. thing is i have to work harder than anyone else in order to get it. and that's what makes me different/special/retarded/pathetic at times.



but today... how will today be? i'm wondering what conversation we'll have. what you'll look like to me. will i resent you for hurting my feelings? will i laugh at you for the fact that i knew you once had me under your thumb and no longer do. will my experiences since then top yours, is it a competition? do you even miss me? will i be the fool at the end of the table wondering why the heck i put myself thru the pain and misery of situations that i know will be uncomfortable and straining on my head.



in this case we better get some damn good food. so i have one thing that's certian. i mean i do have to wait 2 hrs after work, then drive thru mad traffic in the opposite direction of my house. but will that make a difference?



what am i freaking out about. i'm the smooth talking, lady killin, scruffy face batchelor that if i had a nickel for every time i made an attractive woman blush... i'd have one chance to make a fortune in vegas on that one lucky nickel slot machine!



it's difficult. this situation. it's common too, so common. makes me think that it's not a big deal since it happens to people every day. i am everyday people.





the morning after (pill?)



well we had dinner. i have to say, my feelings are changed. i underestimated you! thanks for a great evening with an old friend that i thought i had lost. i can't believe your hair has grown so much!!! it's like 2-3 inches longer than last time, and for a girl with short hair that's very apparent!



i was so dissapointed earlier, the person who i admired was gone in you. i'd look into your eyes and see sadness, instead of that life that so few people have/know/understand. i saw a bit of that last night! you're on a slow comeback and it makes me feel good. there's not much else to say but thanks! i think i needed that.