just a dinner.. right?



so tonight we're having dinner together. i haven't seen you for what seems like a month but i'll say technically prolly close to 3 months. this is ironic because at the technical month of not seeing eachother it really felt like 3months of being apart.... maybe more. so why this change of emotion? how did things all of a sudden flip flop? well first of all that's what i wanted. i didn't want to miss you, i hate missing out, and hate missing people even more! and i always get what i want, when i really want it. thing is i have to work harder than anyone else in order to get it. and that's what makes me different/special/retarded/pathetic at times.



but today... how will today be? i'm wondering what conversation we'll have. what you'll look like to me. will i resent you for hurting my feelings? will i laugh at you for the fact that i knew you once had me under your thumb and no longer do. will my experiences since then top yours, is it a competition? do you even miss me? will i be the fool at the end of the table wondering why the heck i put myself thru the pain and misery of situations that i know will be uncomfortable and straining on my head.



in this case we better get some damn good food. so i have one thing that's certian. i mean i do have to wait 2 hrs after work, then drive thru mad traffic in the opposite direction of my house. but will that make a difference?



what am i freaking out about. i'm the smooth talking, lady killin, scruffy face batchelor that if i had a nickel for every time i made an attractive woman blush... i'd have one chance to make a fortune in vegas on that one lucky nickel slot machine!



it's difficult. this situation. it's common too, so common. makes me think that it's not a big deal since it happens to people every day. i am everyday people.





the morning after (pill?)



well we had dinner. i have to say, my feelings are changed. i underestimated you! thanks for a great evening with an old friend that i thought i had lost. i can't believe your hair has grown so much!!! it's like 2-3 inches longer than last time, and for a girl with short hair that's very apparent!



i was so dissapointed earlier, the person who i admired was gone in you. i'd look into your eyes and see sadness, instead of that life that so few people have/know/understand. i saw a bit of that last night! you're on a slow comeback and it makes me feel good. there's not much else to say but thanks! i think i needed that.

fashionable dj's



today i realized that i want to be fashionable. i really am not, and i'd like to be. but fashion is a very weird animal. since there is no right or wrong, bad or good, pretty or ugly that's concretely defined.. nothing can be used as a daytum. there is no zero. there is no point of reference. without that it's like floating in space. our definitions of good and bad change with the tides. nothing is certain. i remember learning that small shlongs and big noses were desireable in the times of rome. go figure. that dude david really isn't hung like a donkey, although his muscles are prolly exaggerated as most sculptures were in that time....



what's my point? so far. none.



now dj's. dj's just play other people's music. and they define themselves with the selection of other people's creations. if you want to be technical you can say some dj's spin music that they have produced, but we're not for now. they buy records and play other people's songs and in doing this they define what type of dj they are.



this is just like fashion in my eyes. people wear other people's designs and ideas in order to define themselves. it's not one individual outfit or article of clothing, but the whole collection and how they present it. a great track selection picked out and arranged in order will still suck balls if not mixed well.



so what do i want to do? what am i saying to myself here? i want to buy more clothes. more tracks. i want my repertoire to grow and i need to learn how to match different articles of clothing together. and have it work. i am not saying that i want to cruise melrose and buy trendy clothes from trendy shops with trendy owners and trendy (expencive as hell) prices. sometimes you gotta dig. find shit at places where the trendy fear being caught at. sometimes you can score a great article of clothing at somewhere like ross or marshalls, tj maxx... but anyone with any sense of "fashion" wouldn't be caught dead going there.. why not? afraid of some image.. (not saying all my shopping will partake there, but i can't rule it out) so then here they are, putting an imaginery daytum. putting a definite wrong action on something that we earlier defined to not have a wrong or right! hypocracy. that's like repremanding ben watt for playing a bootlegged whitelabel from prince over a basement jaxx beat. sure it's pretty cliche but it goes. they made it work. other dj's couldn't pull it off as well, but he could. he could shop at tj maxx!



gotta start diggin. diggin in crates and diggin on clothesracks.

new









got some new rims. here's a quick pic. i really need new tires on my car so i'm getting new rims at the same time. updates to come.

where did those 30 lbs come from?



looking upon the internet to see just how fat i really am, i stumbled upon this site:







(click the link and see how fat you are) i swear it's wrong cause i weighed in at a whopping 190 last weekend and this was after a big meal might i add. but i did take out my keys and wallet and chapstick to weigh in so i guess that kinda balances things out.



so i've just decided to question why is nerdy not sexy? ok, phrased that wrong. why isn't intelligence as sexy as it should be? i'm trying to poke the point that dumb girls are supposedly really hot. girls actually act dumbin order to gain sex appeal. this concept is beyond me, not to say i don't desire to jump on top of and rip a ditzy hot blonde girl (there are also ditzy non blondes, but the one i had in mind is blonde) -now here's where the engineering part of my brain work comes in.. why?





maybe us men think that an unintelligent girl will not say no to anything in bed and allow for us animalistic men to command and conquer! this could be. but wouldn't an intelligent girl be a bit more creative, innovative, and understanding? (i'm not talking about the emotional understanding, physical here folks) if we take to the extremes in either case we'll find that there's nothing to clear the doubt... thus the question will remain for eternity and plauge all that attempt to ponder it. extreme dumb and ditzy would boil down to a sheep. yes. a sheep. the closest match to a human (so i've heard) and well for sure more unintelligent that those girls you would call ditzy. conversely the smart extreme is what? a nerdy girl? like really nerdy. the one that almost makes the sheep look good. yea that's right, you know here and are avoiding saying her name out loud just to prove to yourself and the surrounding folks that she never existed, but she did. and it's just a nightmare waiting to happen if you don't quickly get your mind somewhere else and don't look back.





what's the gross correlation between money and looks. i was in the stater brothers in paramount (where i work, a few miles east of compton), and then i was in the stater brothers in costa mesa... the difference was night and day, and let's face it... costa mesa isn't the nicest place, it's not paramount, but it's not newport or bev hills. i presented this question to des and she said money can make anyone look good. with the right clothes, makeup, products, and hair. now i'm not a man with makeover vision but man, i tried to see this at the paramount stater bros. and it was a no go.

unless you knew that, you wouldn't know that - "fellow CFW co-worker"



i take people for granted. and i feel people take me for granted. it's weird like that.... we're all somewhat granted. and it's not till an event occurs that pulls out that granted person and shows the real bottle that's hidden inside the brown bag. (my alcohaulic analogy) but the other day i was in downtown SD. this tall faded black man who probably hit 250lbs, 6'3" and around 27years old approached me. he was faded and he was asking me to buy him a 40oz of Olde English malt liquor. i decided to play with him a bit and shoot the shit instead of just tell him to be on with himself. hong came to see what i was talking about to this guy who was a lot bigger than i was. the guy told me i look like robert deniro. then he said that hong was better looking and looked like he was the one that got the ladies, but that i was the smooth one. he was so wrong, i'm the smoothness-antichrist i make sandpaper feel like silk underwear. so he then asked how we knew each other and this ladies and gents is the kicker. he asked hong and hong said we're brothers. i was shocked. i wanted to just hug him right there cause i felt so good that he'd say that to some random dude. i mean hong's taiwanese and i'm white but still, he is close as a brother, and i treat him accordingly. but it just felt good to hear him say that, even tho it was joking, i mean he was totally fucking with the guy, but with that tone set, the night was turning out to be a good one. 5 bars later i concluded that it was.

random pics





babbs drank more than he could handle. we drank more than we should have.







des somehow pulls off her cheers dublin! shirt with shades and nunchuks.







my family from iran. haven't seen then in like 10 years. gotta take a snapshot with em right!?

uhh excuse me... bartender!



i went to a bar last night. actually 5 bars. we hopped around a bit. but we didn't do the hopping, we walked. there's something very deterring about places with cover. there's something about bar tenders. and there's something about tips. i realized something about each of these last night.



places with covers suck. it's a commitment. it's the venue's way of saying "honey i'm pregnant, so we have to get married now" it's very difficult to justify leaving a place that you paid $5.00-$20.00 just to get into. and it's not like they give you free drinks or introduce you to their finest women. you're not even guaranteed to hear some good music. in fact you'll have to sit behind a wall of tall, horny, lonely, guys all wearing their nice boxers and jackets with their "i'm going out" hair style in order to get a drink. the way to beat this system is to go in with confidence. someone told me confidence is 50% of everything. if you have confidence then you're already half way there. last night ryan had confidence. he knew a friend, had the friend put us on the list, and so when we showed up we said "ya, we're on the list" -thing is, the friend was talking about a different bar!! so what happeded may you ask? oh they let us in. ryan got 7 of us to skip the $10.00 cover and all he said was "i'm on the list" did they have a list? no. (physically, to check if he was really on it) they just needed to hear our confident buddy ryan say the magic words "open sesame" and viola it worked. that's what i think about cover charges. "that baby's not mine bitch, i'm on the list!!"



bartenders. they're asses. they're harder to win over that the hot chick at the club who's dancing with everyone freely yet everyone still wants her for himself. yea that girl. tenders are more difficult. you'll sit there giving the eye, sending out the ' i want a drink and i have a twenty in my hand ' vibe. -you can at lest get the girl's attention, a glance, some eye contact, even a smile. but to get the bartender's it's just not that easy.



now what really irks me is tips. tips?! for what? i mean you tip the waitress who takes drink orders, brings you drinks, then food, then refills your drinks, then takes your plates away, refills your coffee, lists of every special they have from memory. everything. they're waiting on you! tip them.. sure. 15% not bad. for a 10.00 meal you end up shelling out a buck fifty. that's change. at minimum wage you earn that much money in 15 mins!!! additionally you only eat one meal upon visiting the restraunt. then there's the bell hop. he gets paid shit and he carries your luggage, which isn't light and sucks for you since you lugged it everywhere up until that point of destination. plus it's humiliating, they're usually in a monkey suit and will never get chicks on the job. so give them a dollar for their efforts. then there's valet, they just go park your car, then pick it up when you're done doing what you were doing... but they run! and anyone who runs for me can get a dollar. hell i'd pay a friend a dollar to sprint 100 yards and then come back simply for the meager entertainment i'd bring me. and the thing is. they only get your car once.

now those fucking bartenders. greedy bastards. how they comprised this system of constant tipping upon the purchase of every drink amazes me. according to daves we had about 8 drinks. so if my math serves me right that's 8 dollars of tips. 8 dollars each person!!!! most of the time they're simply opening a beer, or pouring a shot of tequila! i can do that. i have done that, and nobody pointed out my special tippable talent. i didn't have $1.00 bills laying on the table after pouring some friends very tall shots of their favorite drink, or opening their corona.... and, considering each drink gets a dollar tip. that's the equivalent to a $53.33 dollar meal. breaking it down even more, nobody eats by themselves, so consider 4 people eating out. that's a $213.32 bill. everyone will throw in 8 dollars for tip after some of that. but going to a bar isn't the equivalent of going to mortons for steak and wine. we're talking a crappy bar, with crappy service, crappy dj's, and crappy girls... it's hard to get drinks! so what does one do to remedy this problem? tip more of course. last night instead of buying 8 drinks and tipping 8 dollars, we ended up putting $20.00 just in tips. $20.00 in tips! ok. so let me count this, $5.00-20.00 to get in to the bar, and then another $20.00 to get your drinks in a timely fasion (if you don't tip over the normal you will never get your drinks and when you do they'll pour it as if the stuff is liquid gold) so it's very probable to spend $40.00 just for the opportunity to obtain alcohaul. at minimum wage that's over 5 1/2 hours of work!!!!! what's amazing is that places like this are packed, everyone's there and everyone pays. yet nobody will just go out and purchase a $40.00 bottle of alcohaul cause it's too expencive!!!



let's not start on the etiquette for buying girls drinks. i may just start a riot at this terminal. and jon wouldn't be so happy considering it belongs to him.

accomplish this!!!



some people wish to be a millionaire. others wish to be famous. these are all goal and dreams of many, yet few succeed in attaining these goals. setting a higher goal would be even less likely to be reached but i have done so! but i'm not talking fame and forture, i'm talking a higher more prestigious honor. one that only a few are bestowed upon. it takes years of work, dedication, sweat, and perserverance. it doesn't take a good speller. so what was my goal? to reach the top. to move my name up to the highest ranking possible. that's right, you know what i'm talking about.... www.hyperwest.net the worlds more prestigious blog ranking (well my world's most i guess) and after years of being listed as the 3rd or 2nd most visited category, i have finally reached the top! i'm a blog worthy opponent!

i wonder if my purchase of the blogger messenger bag had anything to do with my success.

george, twin sister of the founder of hyperwest.net (aka jon) has the number one spot, and she is the featured site!! (i later found out that i was at one point the featured site but had no idea that i was.. so it doesn't count)



regardless i'm happy. very happy. my years of blogging have more than paid off. they've double paid off. i can just see the chicks throwing themselves at me now for the change in status. women can't resist a man with power. muhahhahahah



ok back to work.

"tastes like burning" - ralph wiggam



i just found out that besides the week of vacation that i get starting mar 03, my next vac day is may 31. that's may. the 05th month. that's like half a year. yea. half. 365 days divided by 2... or close to it. today is 01.05.04 i mean geeeez.

enough bitching. people have it worse than i do. yet again i know people who have 22 days off a year and go to work as i'm leaving for lunchtime!!!



i like burn. the burn. there's so many types of burn and i love them all. i love hot sauce. the burn is great, dunno why. alcohaul. the burn is just intoxicating. (so is the booze). even soda. i just cracked open a chilled 20oz dr pepper from the vending machine and as i take the first swig it burns (well it's chilli and bubble so it feels like burning)



someone told me in a study somewhere somehow they gave spicy food eaters some spicy food that just tasted like spicy but wasn't hot. and the spicy food eaters disliked it. thus proving that the hot in spice actually causes you to secrete some sort of chemical that gives you a mild high. this i'd like to believe, but don't. first of all cause i didn't read the actual article, and can't remember it. but secondly i don't feel high when i eat hot food. simply satisfied.



and alcohaul. my friend. how i love it straight up and room temp. i've been known to even heat up shots for shits and giggles! there's something about the burn that's so appealing to me. dunno why? i even love burning my tires!!!!





don't associate buring with hell cause i'm not really into that.... all that devil-ish hell is a hot place kinda crapola. i don't buy it. i am always feeling a bit cold tho. i like it warm and am eaisly depressed when it's cold even if it's rather nice out. i don't like to burn others, just myself. maybe this is that unknown governing force agaist all my previous relationships! *shakes head* nah... couldn't be. dumping and burning are 2 different things. dumping makes me think water, and water is cold.



i like hot. especially hot chicks!

unorganized confusion



life lately has been a bit different. in march 2003 i landed a job. a steady income, a steady agenda, a steady pace of life. i was steady. had a girl. had a job. mom and dad had smiles that wouldn't wipe away. not everything was 100% stable. i needed a place to live. and i needed to adjust to waking up early, but in time those came and those were no surprise.



since then all has changed. as life does. and i've realized that i like change, i welcome it. encourage even.

some change hurts. some change is exciting. or scary. fun even.

lost the girl. moved around. discovered weeknights. and now i'm just all over the place. i feel like i party harder now than in college. since dec 23 i have slept in my bed once. and today is jan 3. and tonight i'm still not home. it's great. like i'm a traveling tourist, i just follow the fun and keep my car packed with clothes. i feel young. ready for some action at any time. settling and being routing scared me, yet i accepted it. and luckily that changed. so luckily.



every moment i find myself re-evaluating my life. "give me three minutes to contemplate my life" was so more true than i thought it would be when i said it to gene one sunday afternoon.



i'd say 'i need to just have fun. i need to enjoy myself and do new and intresting stuff.' but that's not 100% appealing. i don't need more fun. what i need is happy. and to have happy you gotta know what you want. and all i know is that i don't know anything of what it is that i want. like choosing a tatoo. how do you? it's a decision that will stay with you forever. you'll have to like it forever. it'll have to make you happy forever.... yet how do you know? down the road it may discust you like a bad ex-girlfriend. nothing is permanent. not even memories.



change i like. decisions i hate.





on a tangent. what's worse? lonelyness or heartache. and don't give me the cliche "better to have loved and lost.... " i've chosen both with no definite answer. nancy says lonely.

i dance to the melody in my own head by myself



it's great to have 2003 over with.



it's shit to be at work on jan 2... a FRIDAY



it's great that i killed a bottle of glenfeddich between 9pm and 4am dec 31-jan1



it's shit that i woke up to renew my parking pass because the pass expired at 11:00... yet when i got to the car it was 11:00PM not am...



it's great that i spend such a long time with friends from san diego that i miss and love.



it's shit that i got teased for half of the stay



it's great that today is friday and i'm going to boarners with more friends from san diego and la



it's shit that i needed coffee to make it till lunchtime



it's great that i made it alive past this last break



it's shit that it's raining



it's great that i am now much closer to someone who i was just sorta friends with (even tho i'm teased about it)



it's shit that everyone else knows about it



it's great that it's 2004



it's shit that i can still remember 2003



quick recap:



air matress. drinking with gene. drinking with babbs. drinking with george. drinking. mexican food. guitars. dvds. pho. naps. friends. family. food. blankets. shoes. scotch. kissing. laughing. music. hookah. jamming. blue label. downtown la. hotel room. elevator. stairs. 10th floor. solo escapade. cranberry juice sheets and pillows. 3rd wheel. mellowing out. missing my bed. enjoying comfort. sanctuary





most people would go ahead and work on new year's resolutions, or life changing "i'm going to start doing _____ from now on." lists. i'm not doing that. i feel like i have so much that's going on, that's so slowly progressing. though i say slow. it's slow like a busy work day. all of a sudden it's time to go home and it's crazy, yet nothing seemed to go fast. i guess that's the pattern that life takes on these things.



so far 2004 has been great. better than 03. i like even numbers better anyhow.