"the weekends over. it's monday morning, just you and i

take off your shirt and just say what you mean."



what does this song mean? i dunno. it's confusing. i'm confused. i think everyone around me is confused. but confusion isn't the word of the day. it's scared. i'm scared. people scare me. i empower too many people with too much power. i don't even think that's the right way to use the word empower, or spelling. but you should understand what i mean from the context i use it in. i give people power that i shouldn't. and giving others power and trusting others is just scary to me. very scary.



confused is ok. it's the transition times in life that are the funnest, although during any transition you're unhappy because you're striving for something that's stable. that's not my point. i'm at a point, trying to point you with a point that my point is not so pointy. ok so after making ultra lame point sentences i guess you can conclude that i'm 2 things. confused, and scared, mostly scared. but i'm enjoying it.

just do it!



i don't know whether i'm proud of this, or ashamed of this.





i have never made out with a random girl!!

(you know, meet someone, and within a minute, an hour, or half a day, even 24 hrs... just start mackin' down like there was a luther vandros marathon on 103.5 the KOST)







i'm just as shocked as you are about this. i'm shy. i'm insecure. i'm not cocky. i'm not confident. i'm unsure. i'm afraid. hi i'm ameer, and i'm an anti-girl aholic.



actually no. cause i talk all day and night about girls. if there weren't girls i'd be guilty of killing at least 50 men simply by boring them to death about computers/cars/fishing/gadgets/cartoons/etc... the lame stuffs.



now we're getting into my new "life philosopy". dare i dip into? i'm not finished. but that's the best time to split something open and disect it. it's mankind's way! disect what you don't understand in order to understand.



i've thought about this idea every shower (my designated and most productive thinking time, yes. yes. i don't think on weekends) for the past week or two. and like everytime i talk, there's somewhat of a story to it. i'm going to ex that out today and give it straight.



a certian girl friend of mine (friend that's a girl, not a girlfriend), no matter where. when. who. why. what. other questions that could be asked. and everything else that doesn't fit. she just knows how to live. she figured out life. "well i just figure if i'm gonna be there, i mine as well have a good time" -my girl friend. she said that to me once, and it sparked in my head... why don't i do that?



there's people that think this way. scratch that, they don't. she had no idea how heavy this concept was/is as she dropped it down for me to pick up. i still haven't totally taken it in. many people have this understanding yet don't realize they do, and will never. for example my friend. others see this, want it, but don't understand it either. (then how the hell will i understand it??) they always end up saying "i'm never the life of the party". i don't want to end up like that. i'm a fence walker. when i'm happy i fill in for the: "if i'm here i mine as well have fun" person. but it's so easy to push me over and watch how i fall into becoming one of those "i need people to cheer me up and have a good time" person. those people need the "loud" people in order to have a good time. you have 4-5 of the "quiet" ones around and things get boring really quick.



so how does one convert their personality? you can't. it's impossible to just jump from "acting" one way to "acting" another way. it's fake, and it'll fall on you harder than a grand piano from the 58th story. it's like a diet. or quitting smoking. or learning to play a guitar.



"a little bit, a lot of the time"



oh ok, i got it. so eat a little bit of food, but have 5 small meals instead of 3 big ones, that'll help you eventually lose weigh. smoke 5 cigs a day, then 4, then 3, and 2, then 1. and soon... none.. it's a time thing. can't just up and stop right? how then do i ask does one go about going from "quiet" to "loud" in small bites?



same way, i just am working on that paralellism that exists between dieting and having fun. it's somewhere, does that sound strange to me? i think it does.



i'm stumbling on this. i'm tripping and dragging my feet, falling everywhere trying to someday think a bit differently. not to change my personality, it's mentality i'm after.



question is, will my abscence of making out with random girls be threatened by this new mentality? personally i think there's more correlation to tacos and aincient sun-gods than my girl issues and this new method of thinking. but then who knows about sun gods? and who knows about girls?

what an ugly car!!



there's something strangely attractive about a girl who drives an old car. the attraction isn't just a sexual attraction, nor is it a "i'd be missing out big time if i wasn't hanging out with that person" kind of attraction. it's a total, 100% in every aspect attraction. i love it!



yet, based on my previous the "grass is greener post", a girl in a nice car is very attractive as well. but i think that's more of a sexual attraction only. cause for some reason a girl who drives a nice car yields a great fantasy to almost any man. considering the man usually ends up driving the girls car. so ultimately, if you date a girl with a hot car, you have a hot car. i was in la and saw this regular looking whatever girl get into a brand new still no liscence plates silver with 18"rims infinity G35. sure i drooled a bit. but later on i saw 3 girls in a 1986 honda accord hatchback. guess who looked like more fun. sure three is better than one. but let's take her two friends out and which ride would you take?



now that girl with the old car. like really old. for example we'll talk about a 1979 volvo that's still together but if you drive it for 30 mins at 4500 rpm which comes out to about 83mph on a flat freeway, she'll (the car) overheat and you have to give it a nice 45min break on the side of the road with the hood up and plans of arriving on time out the window.



besides the obvious, (the car overheating) how is this hot? what about a girl sitting on the side of the road waiting for her car to cool down is attractive? simple. most girls for whom daddy purchased a nice new 2003 4 door honda accord ex, have been taken care of that same way all their life. if they had to wait 45mins on the side of the road and watch 1,000's of other not-overheated cars pass her by she'd go nuts and everyone within 3degrees of her would know and feel the horrible pain that she had to endure while her car overheated. she'd be on the phone calling everyone she could to get her out of there quick. and then she'd be on the phone yelling and complaining to the new loser guy that she's dating now cause she also can't handle being a single girl for more than a 2 week period. yes we all know her. that girl, like those girls. yep.



but our old car driving girl, she'd have a book or a journal, maybe she'd entertain herself counting the number of different liscense plates that pass her by in the 45min. regardless she's enjoying her time on the road, instead of resenting the world. this would be an unexpected relaxation period instead of an unacceptable inconvinence. see daddy raised accord girl with a nice fluffy pillow under her tushy. and daddy raised old car girl with the knowledge of repairing lawn mowers and installing sprinklers on saturday morning before all the chores had to get done.



this boils down to the higher tolerance, more independant, patient, grateful, more attractive girl for our hero to admire. granted there's nothing like a nice reliable car to drive you home at 3am. but there's something that's just more irritating than a clan of ants invading your ankles, and that's a girl who can, but won't -cause she never had to- change her taillight when it blows out. i'm not saying all women should be gearheads, because it's a rewarding feeling to explain to a girl (has to be the old car girl) the concept of forced induction. who doesn't like forced induction, *sigh* forced induction =)



i'd like a girl with an old car. old car = charachter, old car = independance, old car = knowledge, old car = personality, old car = adapting to certian circumstances. if if i were to write a movie, i'd do one about me and my friends. no real plot, just great charachters. charachters that you could picture yourself being, or hanging out with, and having a great grand old slap your knee, fun time. i'd be me. and i'd make me meet a girl. and she'd drive an old car.

i have a disease



i wrote of this before, i mentioned it. but it's plauging me now. the grass is always greener on the other side, man i live that shit so much.



my job. i love it, i hate it. i want to be like those other kids i went to school with that go to work at 9am and live in LA and party and play and get paid to write emails and talk to people about stuff that has no right or wrong answer, just will work or will work better. i want to have young attractive 23 year old girls as co workers that bore me with their petty life problems of boys, back stabbing girl friends, and macy card debt. but then i love working with superalloys and 8000 ton presses with furnaces as big as a two car garage that heat up to 2100 degrees F.



i want a girlfriend, a serious one. one that i can call anytime of the day everyday and won't feel akward that i'm calling her cause it's normal for me to do so like that. everytime i buy tickets to some event i always account for her cause she's going to come with me no matter... on random occasions she'd show up with a nice present or something small just to say she loved me more than anyone else, i'd do the same. i'd worry about the perfect gift for her christmas present and how i'd present it to her, and she'd do the same for me, then we'd snuggle by a warm fire with hot cocoa and snow falling outside thru the foggy window. we all long for this. we all want this, i want this just as bad if not more than any other single lonely mid 20 year old person. and as soon as i'd realize what i had, i'd immediately yearn for the single life. how grand it was to not worry about someone else's feelings when going out to dinner with a semi-attractive friend of the opposite sex. i'd complain about seeing the same face day in and day out, and when she called for the 5th time that same day i'd not pick up my phone just cause i was busy playing ping pong and smoking a cigarette with a friend in the garage. the simple idea of being able to have sex with two different girls in two different days would be enough to drive her away like a victim of the ibola virus. i need freedom.



i want to live in the city. in a big city. where the intresting restraunts and clubs and people are found. i want to have a small wood floor appt above a bakery or a liquor store that i can complain about the parking and the crummy stairwell that leads to my over priced under square-footaged leaky faucet appt that has 4 locks on the front door and a doorbell that doesn't work. and after 4 months i'll hate it. and want to move into the house i'm at right now, 10 mins from the beach, a garage for all my extra "i can't throw it away" valubles, and the warm comfort of a front and back yard with a patio and the option to invite 150 of my closest friends and tap the keg and empty out the jungle juice in under 4 hrs.



i want to live in la county, where you see stars, "everything is happeing" and the girls are the hottest in the united states. when i travel to different place i'll say "i'm from LA" and they'll look at me like i'm some higher form of life that can survive with super movie stars as well as lethal gang bangers all in a 30 mile radius. and as i live there i dream of living in the ever so relaxing and comfortable san diego. where my family will take care of me, my friends are more genuine than a pair of levis, and i don't get lost on my way home from someone's house that i've been to 2 times before.



i HATE it. i tell my self daily that i can't have it all, i have to choose, and normally choose with a very level headed decision. therefore the life that i live and the things that i do are the greenest of the grass. it never feels that way. it never appears that way when you look at your own grass tho. it's brown, dead, there's patches of dirt and pebbles. not to mention the weeds are taking over that one corner by the planter that has nothing growing in it.



just tell yourself that you're happy with what you got.. i do that, i tell myself stuff every day. and i wish i was one of those people who didn't tell themselves anything any day.

age old question: is mankind good or evil?



i read the lord of the flies. and i watched the movie (wait ameer read a book? this has to be a fib! no, i admit this is the only book i did read in highschool, i read the entire book, and i set the curve on the test for the book. it was in mr. battilega's class. i think i got a 98%)

i hated that book. i hated reading it, the message, piggy, the conch, the scar, all of it.



if you don't know the story, here's a recap: this airplane crashes on an island. it's full of schoolboys. the pilot didn't really make it so there's no adult supervision. at first they have order and whatnot, but eventually they lead to savage destructive selfish ways. they kill and they steal and go against the rules of society that they learned back in private school.



so it's all about how man is evil. this discussion has been beaten like a dead horse (i just got this analogy: since you beat a horse to make it run faster when riding it, and if you're beating a dead horse it's not going to run cause it's dead... ie wasting your energy... i know someone out there is like "oh THAT'S what they meant!!" cause i sure didn't give that a time of day, i totally thought of some dude with a bat just hitting a horse while it's dead on the ground... i dunno)



so yea, i oppose this notion that man is good nor evil. good and evil are just poor that's the problem. like the man said, everything is relative. so you have to relate good to who? is it good for 1st person, family, government, mankind, animals, environment. i use the word good 487,925 times a day (i like good don't get me wrong) but it's never in the same context, well unless i repeat myself.



then evil. the only time i use the word evil is when i quote austin powers or something. cause evil gives you the feeling of just doing something for it's pure wrongness and to offend/hurt/destroy as much as possible.



i feel that to sum it up. man is selfish. yup. that's it, eaisly said and done. the endless argument whether man is good or evil has been settled with neither. he's selfish. being selfish is both good and evil. good for you, evil to others. but it's survival. if animals weren't selfish they'd starve. if people weren't selfish then ferrari would go out of business. if i wasn't selfish then i wouldn't make beautiful women buy me expencive bottles of scotch at my every desire. man i wish i wrote a book about some kids that got stranded on an island and were selfish (instead of evil) i'd make millions and my dreams would come true.

love is loosing



i'm horrible at anything school related, but in a class i do recall a greek myth being talked about. while i fantasized about cars, computers, pens, palm pilots, fishing boats, turntables, fishing poles, dual monitors, 100gig harddrives, cell phones, l@ptops (i put the @ instead of an 'a' because now blogger will link specific words like laptops to sites ranked on selling such items... everything's a fucking commercial), wireless internet, korean bbq, beer, cigarettes, digital c@meras, salsa with chips, etc...

we learned of a man who loved a woman so much. more than any man loved any woman. and right before, or after, their marriage. she died. and he played the harp, or guitar, some string instrument. (i was dreaming when listening to this) so then he'd go around playing the saddest song anyone had ever heard. and eventually he came to a place where the song was so sad that the women of the village chopped him up into little bits and threw him into the town river. to go finally be with his lover.



this story has no point whatsoever.



but what i'm trying to say is that these days people will keep themselves occupied long enough to get over a loss like that and move on to find a new significan other.



i'm talking about cars, computers, pens, palm pilots, fishing boats, turntables, fishing poles, dual monitors, 100gig harddrives, cell phones, l@ptops, wireless internet, korean bbq, beer, cigarettes, digital c@meras, salsa with chips, etc...



ya all those things one can become immersed in and forget about a lost love for a significant amount of time. heck those things may just be enough to keep one going. not forever, but surely for a time period to realize how grand it is to be alive, and everyone gets another chance.



i think that's what i'm currently doing. i'm playing ostrige and buring my head in the sand cause i'm scared of what's around me. soon i'll pop up and take a peek at everyone, but as for now, it's natures defense mechanism for me.

answer the questions and we'll tell you who you are



i took the same quiz as hong and jon and turned out that i'm an 8. yup. numero ocho. 8 of 9. i'm like a B+ on a straight scale! not bad.

but i realize that i'm such not a do-it-the-first-time-and-get-it-right person. so i'm up to do it again (daddy) [funny poke at that skittles commercial from back in the days]

....180 questions later....

ok so this time i'm a 9.



before i was 85% 8 and 80% 9

now i'm 85% 9 and 83% 8... peep this:





as an 8 i'm just always looking for the next best thing, i can't commit to anything cause i'm in constant wait of a level jump. and i want to get all buckwild and then more buckwild.



then as a 9 i'm overlooked as a child. aviod tension, and should be a counselor. weird.



looks like of the 69,000 people that took the test, most are 8's. 7's are second and 9's are third. guess everyone feels like i do. yet as an 8, people don't feel like me.



now this is all great, what does it mean?

i've been under a big life changing idea. it's something so simple but it's results are phenominal. i'm working on a life philosopy for myself that should carry me at least a year or so. and if it all goes well maybe more.

will i reveal it? no. not yet, it's not finished. i'm in the R&D stage. it's not an original idea. it's many people's life philosopy, it's just that i have no means of adapting it without my own liason philosopy. it's very strange to me exactly how much dramatic a new outlook/lifephilosopy makes to your daily life. i'll see you guys in another light.





oh yea here's the personality quiz

hot sauce



i now have a bottle of everywhere i plan on spending more than 2 consecutive hrs:

work, hong's, and of course where i live. so ladies, you know it's serious when i bring over a bottle of this stuff and put it in your fridge, that's almost as solid of a commitment as an engagement ring.

how was your thanksgiving?



my:

thanksgiving pictures

are posted =)

stories make the world go round



i love stories, i love telling stories, hearing stories, but most of all making stories.



much of the time i will do something out of charachter or against common sense due to the chance that i may get a cool story out of this. stories are memories, and memories are what keep me going. if i didn't remember anything (i'd be 100% happy all the time first of all) but conversely i'd have nothing to motivate me to persue anything. cause i'd forget it in a sec anyway.



saturday me and jowilla, my good friend go to costco to get some hotdogs and change her tires. after she's all paid and everything's done she tells me: "2hr wait dude" i guess she has to drop her vocab when she wants to communicat to me. so we hang out in costco for as long as humanly possible (1hr 15mins) eat for 15, and hope that 2 hrs really meant 1:30hrs. we were wrong. so outside, with a shopping cart we sat and watched the car.



thru the day we had mentioned how we enjoyed drinking. and on weekends almost had to have a drink in order to have a pleasureable weekend. so as we sat, starting to get cold, on the curb in the costco parking lot next to $100.00 of meat (jowilla is doing the atkin's diet) in a shopping cart watching her civic sit up on a lift.



after 10-15 mins i pray that something happens to liven up the moment. a conversation spark, or an intresting encounter with someone... and all of a sudden, i look to the ground. there, right next to me, i reach down and without even moving my butt from the spot on the curb where i had it planted for 15 solid minutes was a shiny silvery unopened i looked at it and picked it up then looked at jowilla and instantaneously we were hysterically laughing as if the funniest thing in the world had just happened.



so here i am, with a beer. i figured someone had to have left this just for me. i wiped it off (cause it was in the gutter sorta) and drank the beer! i had to... how could this have made story status if i just found the beer and chucked it or something. it'd be a waste of my life to even had found the beer. all this went thru my head and i said... drink the beer i must. for i will have to tell of this day for years to come.



it was warm, watery, yuky coors light. and i drank it, enjoyed it, laughed, and then finished it. thus finishing today's story.

weird work habits



not too long ago a co worker nominated me to be the offical "snapple cap collector" that's right folks, i'm the guy in charge of holding on to snapple caps for the company. or the quality dept i guess...



upon taking this responsibility i decided that keeping this vital information to myself is not only selfish but also dishonest. people pay for snapple and with the snapple comes the cap. now this cap has a fact inscribed on it and i for one am not going to withold that impervious information. (that means information that can't be affected/penetrated)



so here i list the facts, as snapple sees them.





#186: a female kangaroo is called a flyer



#93: kangaroo can jump 30 feet



#161: the first TV network kids show in the US was "captian kangaroo"



#185: a male kangaroo is called a boomer



#29: on average, a human being will spend 2 weeks kissing in his/her life



#132: a crocodile cannot move its tounge



#23: the san francisco cable cars are the only mobile national monument



#25: the only food that doesn't spoil is honey



#5: a camel has 3 eyelids



#171: the most sensitive parts of the body are the mouth and fingertips



#68: the longest one-syllable word is "screeched"



#3: beavers can hold their breath for 45 minutes



#112: at birth, a dalmatian is always pure white



#72: the average person uses 150 gallons of water a day for personal use



#41: shrimp can only swim backward





all will be well now. i have fulfilled my mortal destiny for today.

the fine line between blogs and work



so looks like this guy saw some macs being delivered to his work (microsoft) he took a pic, then posted it, and now is looking for a new job. funny shit. i heard about this but was skeptical... then i saw that someone did exactly what i did so i'm just linking them here



i want a new $3,000.00 apple G5

wild and crazy friday night



thrusday summed up in one line:

golf, baby back ribs, 3 24oz beers, 3 johnnywalker blacklabels, 1 double crown, 1 glenfeddich



friday (daytime) summed up in one line:

drive drunk to work, co worker goes home due to hangover, i stay till 4 and am in bed by 5:30



i had plans friday to hang out with my friend sonic and some other people. going to the conga room and for some electroclash performance. not bad for a friday. plans are meet at sonic's place 45mins away from my house at 10pm



10:15pm i get a call, which wakes me from my slumber "ameer you on the road?" "nah man i'm in bed, you just woke me up" "alright just stay there, we'll hang out next weekend" "peace"



around 12:30 i wake up and stumble into the tv room with my bass. i figure i'll practice a bit, watch tv, go to bed in an hr or so and call it a night. tomorrow i'll take over the world, tonight i'll spend friday night at home. my roomate had asked me what i was doing when i got home from work on my way from the front door to my bed. i told him i had plans at 10. he complained about having nothing to do and that's all she wrote cause i hit the floor.



now at 12:30 he's still up, in his room.. prolly playing poker online or something. his car is in the driveway. my other two roomates are out in michigan partying and drinking more than they're body's weight in cheap booze.



all of a sudden the door opens. someone walks in. some kid. i had never seen him before in my life. a caucasian male about 21 yrs old wearing a brown flannel shirt a white t-shirt underneath and some regular pants. he walks in with confidence. sits on the couch. and commences to watch tv with me. i give him a "what's up" he returns it.



after a min or so of silence he gets up and moves across the room to a double door that leads to efrian's room, but the doors were taken off and a slab of soundproof wall was put up. never the less this stranger starts trying to open it and go in efrain's room. now i know all of efrain's friends (or at least the ones that would just walk right into efrain's house) but i assumed that since efrain is in michigan, he'd not have any visitors. then there's eric, who's still in his room... i tell the guy.. eric's in his room.. down the hall on the left. so the guy walks in. and comes right back with a very blank stare on his face.

he sees me and asks me if eric is outside. i tell him he's in his room again. this is when the guy goes to the front door and looks at the door knob for a good 30-45 seconds. just the door knob.

he opens the door. walks 5-6 steps outside. (mind you the porch light is off and it is 12:45am) and stares at cars and houses for a bit. then he walks a bit more towards the street and that's when i decided to not spy on him anymore. and he's gone.



i then go to eric's room to find that HE'S NOT HOME!!!! the door was closed, light on, car parked in driveway. and he wasn't home. i had no clue.



later on when he came home with a girl, i asked him if he was expecting anyone. he said no. gave me a confused look and then inquired why? i told him about a guy and how he looked... eric continued to give me a stare of disbelief... he ran to his room to see if anything had been stolen. it hadn't. but this is when i really started to realize... some stranger just came right into the house! from now on i lock the door. even if i'm watching tv home along. i'm just a door locker now. that's it... i'm not so keen about some dude just walking in my house. even tho it did give me something to say about my friday night.

viva las vegas



pics & stories

las vegas



what a weekend.



there's some stuff that happens in vegas that just doesn't happen often. and those are the times we go there for.



quick reference of the good times:



1.) geraldo rivera

2.) "six is a winner, chicken dinner"

3.) "just for that, let me see if i can finish it before he gets back"





*sigh*











6 boys, 6 flasks, 2 bottles of good scotch, tons of cigarettes, 1 hotel room, and vegas.



i blacked out this weekend. that's never happened to me. it was a scary experience. i don't think it's something that i'm a big fan of. here's the chain of events that led up to the madness that i experienced: hungry as heck, we're walking to the mirage buffet. we approach a roulet table, throw down 220.00 (i put in the 20.00) and i light a cig... not cause i wanted one, but because i was nervous. we went red, i so thought of black at that moment. we lost =( let's go eat.

half way thru the cig, i decided that this wasn't for me, i extinguish in next to an old lady playing 3 slot machines and after a weird look from here i find i'm standing in line that the mirage. i'm dying in line all of a sudden. i was so tired, i couldn't understand how tired i was. but i just couldn't stand up, i leaned on everything. the tiredness stage wasn't enough, my body wanted to pain me more. it's just like that these days. i may have pissed me off or something. that's when the nausia came, and throwing up quickly sounded like the best thing to do, but this only lasted for a 30second span. it was soon overcome by a ringing noise that gradually increased into a huge wall hushing out all other outside sounds. simotaneously my vision started to fade. i tried, my mind was still 100% there, i didn't have any desire to lye down or just let go, but my eyes continued to tune out. it's similar to walking into a dark room from outside on a bright sunny day. your irises have to adjust and while they do you can't see. everything went black. i remember the last thing i saw was the outline of james and jimmy, their faces already gone, i could only make out where their arms and bodies connected.



i mentioned to james and jimmy, in a soft slow voice. "guys i can't see" they started laughing, and giggling, which was quickly silenced and i could hear them say, "are you joking? dude? you can't see?" i couldn't. i could hear, i could talk (barely), and i could move, i was still standing in line, about to pay for the buffet! but i couldn't see. i remember hearing them say how wide open my eyes were. the feeling i had was as if i was so tired, that no matter how hard i tried i couldn't lift my eyelids. i tried and tried, all my energy was expelled trying to lift my eyelids up. but they were up. way up. i could hear them say how wide open my eyes were, but it didn't feel that way. jimmy waved his hands in front of my face and noticed that i wasn't blinking. i really couldn't see. james asked if i wanted water, i nodded, and he was off. jimmy stood there and i think i grabbed his arm, or someone's.

there was a moment where i just waited. standing there for what felt like 30 mins with no vision and jimmy waving his hands in front of my face. i just stood there and jimmy just stood there. when all of a sudden. the outline of jimmys shirt came barely in to view. then i could slowly start to distinguish his torso and arms and head. then the colors started coming back, the light was getting brighter. just then james shows up with the water, and that cold glass felt so good against my hand.

beads of sweat had now shown up on my forehead. no, all over. i was drenched. i don't even sweat that much, i rarely break a sweat, i'm always cold and never hot, but i was burning up. i drank the water and then somehow paid my buffet fee. this i don't remember doing, i was just out of the black period and i somehow managed to hand that lady a 20.00



i quickly went to the dessert section with james and he got me a chocolate cookie, with some chocolate cake and told me to eat them both right away. in an instant like that, it's blood sugar level. you use up all your blood sugar and you black out momentarily. i ate that like the wind. i don't like sugary things so much, but this was making me feel better by the second. i went back to the table, in a zone. i couldn't do anything fast, i wanted to just sleep and eat, sleep and eat at the same time, on a bed. what an experience.





gene bought me a 41.00 shot of johnny walker blue label ya, that's a bit much for a shot, but it was worth it, plus i gave him 100.00



1.00 beers, wonderful. downtown vegas, lovely. buffets, awesome.



vegas with the boys, unbeatable.







jon wanted to know about this, as others. i swear by it, so check it out:

google toolbar

vegas



i'll be in vegas for a while. hold my calls.

jon is my hero



jon earlier wrote about how blogging is his life. and all it's pros and cons. so that made me think about getting this for him.



ok,



i didn't want to really post about jon, i just had to cause he is not only inspiring, interesting, intuitive, industral, interogative, and introverted, but he's also indicated.

i like in- words.



so anyhow, i'm in a slum. i'm in a fog, funk, ditch. no i'm in a foggy funky ditch. and it sucks. i can't say why, i don't know what... but i do know that i was in one when i went from 5th grade to 6th grade. and then again from 8th grade to highschool (9th grade) then again i went thru a similar foggy funky ditch when i went to college (13th grade??) so here i am, 11 months out of college. i'm in the freshman funky ditch of the real world the thing is that freshman year isn't just a year, or 9 months, it's years. it's 2-5 years!! shit! thing is, when i remember back to those days. i had a blast, i miss them but in the midst of them i feel like i'm in hell. partially since my future is so undefined and broad. once i got a bit involved and immerse myself in this "real world" that i've just jumped into, i'm sure i'll look back upon today, nov 5th, 2003. and miss this day.



but then. today is shit. yesterday the day before, tomorrow.. last week. i think that the mean of emotions has been below the acceptable defined lower limit. it's a "rollercoaster" the ups are up the downs are down, but the downs are so easy to remember and the ups are so hard to remember, thanks to johnny walker, the glen fedditch, and glen morangie.



this is what happens when the ups are up:

vid1

vid2

vid3



the last one is dedicated to nancy.



sometimes it's good to remember the ups on the rollercoaster rather than the downs. lovely.

chips and salsa how do i love thee



there's something about chips and salsa. i just love. i love it. if you called me and asked me to come over and i said... "nahh i'm kinda busy/lazy/tired" then you mentioned... well we're just here eating chips and salsa.. i'd have a real quick chance of mind right there on the spot 10 times out of 13. nice ratio i know.



chips and salsa represents much more than a mexican food appetizer. it represents youth, culture, happyness, and togetherness.



just to hear someone eek out the words chips and salsa fills my mind with get togethers, poor college nights with no food and only beer to drink in the house, sitting down to a nice mexican (one of my favorite cuisines) restraunt... so many good times.



when you say pizza i think of cheesy parties, or lonely nights alone in my boxers watching chick flicks, crying when sam and the cutest guy in highschool finally kiss on the day after her 16th birthday.



regardless... i ate chips and salsa all day at work. what a day

anachronic. shake it like a polaroid picture.



i posted this on jon's comments.. dunno why it just came out after reading his blog.



"i desire to hurt people. i want to be malicious and concious free. i yearn to crush peoples feelings, hopes, desires, and hearts in my hand.



i just have to figure out how. maybe i should just not ponder and it'll happen automatically.



actually that's exactly how others have crushed my feelings, hopes, desires, and heart in their hand."

listen... do you want to know a secret



i've been listening to lots of songs lately. after talking to a friend who is going for her PhD in psychology i found that a good remedy to attention deficit is to listen to an entire song, focus on the words, and not drift off thinking about something else. which defeats the purpose of a song in my opinion, but that's not what the point is. this is an excercize to learn to focus and not to appreciate how songs can take you away for a while.



so i found this new dave matthews song, called stay or leave. it pertains to my pathetic sad situaiton. you know boy meets girl. boy likes girl. girl likes boy. girl finds new boy. ya. that one...



i wanted to compose a song with daves son about this, (a break up song that pertains to me situation) i mean it's been done 10,000,005 times and counting, but i wanted to do a good one, a bit different... till i came across this song. and well yea. put me in my place. dave matthews isn't rich, famous, and loved by all for no reason. and for sure not for his looks, he's kinda goofy looking... (i still idolize him though)

stay or leave:

Maybe different but remember

Winters warm where you and i

Kissing whiskey by the fire

With the snow outside

And when the summer comes

In the river

Swims at midnight

Shiver cold

Touch the bottom

you and I

With muddy toes



Stay or leave

I want you not to go

But you should

It was good as good goes

Stay or leave

I want you not to go

But you did



Wake up naked drinking coffee

Making plans to change the world

While the world is changing us

Was good good love

You used to laugh under the covers

Maybe not so often now

But the way I used to laugh with you

Was loud and hard



Stay or leave

I want you not to go

But you should

It was good as good goes

Stay or leave

I want you not to go

But you did



So what to do

With the rest of the day's afternoon hey

Isn't it strange how we change

Everything we did

Did I do all that i should



That I coulda done



Remember we used to dance

And everyone wanted to be

You and me

I want to be too

What day is this

Besides the day you left me

What day is this

Besides the day you went



So what to do

With the rest of the day's afternoon hey

Well isn't it strange how we change

Everything we did

Did I do all that I could



Remember we used to dance

And everyone wanted to be you and me

I want to be too

What day is this

Besides the day you went babe

What day is this





i'm also very much-so considering becoming a voulnteer firefighter. i think that'd be a very important skill to have. hopefully by next year i'll be able to help save some houses and stuff.

it's a day outside



i went to taco rico in norwalk by myself for dinner one day in my loney days of living alone. and well, i brought my handheld pda in order to write some song lyrics for daves son this song was to be happy, and was to be about how nice it is outside, and enjoying it. but for some reason i just didn't feel it that day and this is what came out.



i don't know if it'll become a song, but it'll sure make for a post =)





so many years ahead

can't focus a thought

am i thinking straight

am i talking out loud

with people by

and a comfy place

and the word naive

written on my face

the sun is out

but i don't care

playin video games

in my underwear





it's a day outside

it's a play-out ride.

this friday afternoon, i feel fine.



i can feel the pinch on my arm

the coffee needs some more.

those short 24

keep my feet off the floor.

i read organize, prioritize,

there's future in my time.

more than my get by,

vacation time adds high,

calendar days fall.

the appartment eats away

what i like to call

those days outside

that i can't find

used to play or ride

now there's no time

it's a day outside

pass by me quick.

embrace it now

or live my death





it's a day outside,

it's a play-out ride.

this friday afternoon, i feel fine.



theres one week left

so the doctor said

i've gotta tumor

in the side of my head

my thoughts go back

while i'm in this bed

those days outside

when i should have said

"go play outside

put in some time

get some fresh air

it'll soon pass by"



those days outside

those playout rides

next friday afternoon

i'll have died.

little things



something about driving home fast and listening to a fuckin great song by dave matthews makes tomorrow worth living for.

take it off!





as everyone knows, (if they actually read my daily life) i'm a bit blue these days due to a case of heartbreak. i came upon a recipe for a quick pick-me-up yesterday:



2 single roomates

1 non-single roomate with a girlfriend in colorado

$1.00 well drinks in laguna beach

a pack of freshly rolled cigars

a 4 door honda civic

a couple of 1dollar bills

the extacy strip club off fairview





so i'm not a strip club virgin anymore.

girls taking their clothes off in front of spectating people. it wasn't what i figured it'd be. but it was fun, no doubt it was fun.



i don't only recommend this recipe for heartbreak cases, but also for birthdays, layoffs, ice cream sundays, or just good ol mother's day. i wish i was wittier sometimes but find that wit isn't my thing. the card i usually play is the comedy card, but it comes out as the "i'm a loser card".

or if i'm playing cards for reals, it's play the A and 5 as if it were an A and 3... specially when two three's show up in the flop.

-sounds like i know what i'm talking about but i don't-





i think i'm hungry for another pick-me-up.

relate to this



dave's wrote a song, that he didn't put on his album, but i love and force him to play, partially because i relate to it so much, the other part is cause i was there when he recorded it and he plays it rather goofy. none the less the lyrics are ones that i could use for my own life story:



"for all the time i spent on the edge,

should have been the end of you.

seems all the time that i'm trying to forget

but my thoughts still run in and out to you.



all my love

just a dance

my only chance

for sweet romance.

but i could be better



when i see you laying bare

i forget to show,

that i can't know or care

and how i hate

how your in my mind

don't you think,

that you'll be some friend of mine



well everyone i meet from here on out

just not ever compare to you

vile notions to my emotions

i can't carry my thoughs

go in and out to you



well up and down i find myself

i've got to go

i'm on the floor

i've got to go"



why does this song relate to me so much? why am i posting this?



well, i've been seeing a girl in a non-committed relationship for over a year now. from the end of last summer, to the end of this summer. and it slowly has crumbled to nothing due to exterior conflicts of schedules and other things.



yesterday she confronted me and told me she has someone new. they always get someone new. i'm never the "i've got someone new" person. i'm always the "you're a great guy, a great guy, but...." the chump.

and here it is again.



there's other girls out there, i'm a fisherman, i just gotta throw my hook back. but change is hard. this song tells me to buck up little camper, invite change into your life instead of hide from it and shy away for what lay ahead.



regardless. when i hear this song, i know others have felt what i am, and that there's something good a little later on.

jacked this questionaire from june



ABOUT ME

My name is: ameer

People call me: ameer, the nose, booty, but nobody calls me baby.

in the morning i am: working, but usually still asleep. tea is my friend!

love is: puppy dogs, horsepower, and of course when chicks dig it.

if i could see one person right now: sir issac newton

i daydream about: playing pool, fishing, drinking.

tall or short: short

born: near chi town, windy citay

shoe: blue pumas and adidas

school: hell no we won't go

sibs:ama and adam

righty or lefty: lefty loosey righty tighty



HAVE Y0U EVER

been in love: l.o.v.e. is that a stupid word to me. so ya then...

smoked: tires, yes. leaves, yes. buildings, no.

bungee jumped: big rubberbands are neat, but not that neat.

broken the law: like a bank robber.

skinny dipped: ja man!

cried to get out of trouble: cried and tried but still got fried.

fallen for the wrong guy/girl: daily. hourly, minutely, just happend again.

cut your own hair: multiple times. not good tho.

been mean: ask adam and ama.

stalked someone: started to but then forgot what i was doing.

been sarcastic: see ABOUT ME quiz.

laughed until you cried: gene was holding up this spiderman suit, in longs drugs, in his pj's. till i pantsed him.

been so drunk you blacked out: too many times.

skipped school: to study or to hw, all the time.

wanted to hook up w/ a friend: this is actually the qualifying quality of one of my friends.

cried during a flick: in the theaters, to try to pick up on chicks.



WiTH THE 0PP0SiTE SEX

what do u notice first: skin

turn on-looks: teeth, hair, ears, cheeks, ankles, fingers, arms.

turn on-personality: ability to stupify me.

turn off-looks: nasty stuff.

turn off-personality:

hair length: short is sexy, long is seductive. but both long and short is just gross.

best height: 5'3"

best weight: 90-135 (but a 38% bodyfat is a must)

best style of clothing: eccentric



W0RD ASS0CiATi0N

red: rum

cow: time

grass: ifonia

blue: dude

mirror: shake it!

cracker: in a box

zine: one time

aol: life

jelly: pen



THiS 0R THAT

day/night: night

summer/winter: summer in SD

lace/satin: egyptian satin

tape/cd: tapes have much more charachter. but i use cd's

lust/love: lust (currently)

on phone/in person: personaje

gold/silver: seeeelver

scary/happy movies: happy



FAV0RiTE

color: green

holiday: halloween

shampoo: cheap shit

furniture: squishy chairs, low to the grownd if possible

number: 9

emotion: giddy

food: new stuff. i'm anti candy and desserts

drink: scotch, beer, wine, cranberry juice

fast food: in n out IS what a hamburger's all about

school subject: physics - mechanics is pretty fun for a school subject

animal: golden retriver, yellowtail

sport to play: billiars, fishing,

sport to watch: soccer

flower: gerbera daisy

cartoon character: faye valentine from cowboy bebop *drool*

language: know broken english, took spanish in highschool, took korean in college, wish i could speak japanese and farsi

weekend activity: A) san diego, eat drink and be merry. B) LA LA big city of dreams.

font: X-Cryption

store: fry's electronics,



HAVE Y0U // D0 Y0U // ARE Y0U

obsessive: about buying new toys (cars, electronics, comptuers, handcrafted items)

take a shower everyday: monday thru thursday. most friday-sunday spells only allot for one shower.

like high school: in highschool i had long hair and a moustache. many friends now claim to not have known me then.

want to get married: someday over the rainbow

get along w/ your parents: like best buds!

like thunder storms: no, hate rain, hate cold.

sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to get on AIM: daily

cried because of someone saying something mean to you: takes a bit more to get me down

been rejected: daily

rejected someone: once i think i did.

used someone: *frown* yea i did... *bows head in shame*



M0RE

could u live without the computer?: many claim that it is impossible

what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain: emotional translates into physical down the line.

trust others way too easily?: do this daily too...

houses lived in: i'm living in lucky number 13

bedroom carpet: i've shampoo'd this bitch 2x in the 1 1/2 months i've been here, but it's still nasty.

would you shave ur head for $5000: i'd to it for $50.00

age for marriage: 26-32

last film seen in theatre: once upon a time in mexico

what do you eat for breakfast: unsalted saltine crackers.

bedtime: sun-thurs pre 11:30pm. fri-sat post 4:00am

best feature: the nose, oh yea nose.



FiNAL QUESTi0NS

i miss: being missed

i fear: that things won't change.

i wonder: about random shit, the kind of stuff that makes the world turn... (newtons theory of gravity?!?)

how do you know it's love: i won't till it's all over.

i need to: be disciplined, and cut loose!

"hump day"



it's wed day, i dread wed day.



i hate it i hate it i hate it.

there is no worse evil than wed day.

wed is the root of all that is bad and uh-holy.

wed is to ameer as

hitler is to the jews, herpes are to hookers, and arnold is to california, combined.

why so bad? hump day right? humping is good?

no, first off i don't hump, second off it's the middle. the middle is the worst! i'm an extremest (is that a real word, if so spelled correctly?)

monday sucks for most people, cause they have a week of grueling work to look forward to.

i see monday as the day after. i'm still on a little bit of a "it's the weekend" high. plus work is slow... takes some time for everyone to get into the working mode again. it's a nice glide into the week.

tuesday is still not bad cause you had a easy monday and normally have nothing crazy monday night. so you're rested and you still remember that you had a good weekend.



but tuesday night, you feel a storm a-brewin. that storm is wed.

get into work, and you can't see the weekend coming anytime soon. then you try to remember what you did last saturday afternoon and you still can't recall... all you can remember is the last two days, monday and tuesday... and you were working those days!



the reason 4 day weeks feel so short isn't cause there's no monday. sure you don't go in on monday or don't go in on friday. but it's wed that they leave out (in theory) there's no middle day. you're either monday (the day after the weekend), tuesday (the day after monday), then jump to thursday! (one day left), and beloved friday.



so today is wed. what did i do this weekend. i dunno.

what will i do this weekend i dunno.

all i know is from my immediate memory i've been working forever, and i will be working forever.



only a few things can salvage a wed: going on a field trip, instant burritos with rooster sauce, and not spending any money for lunch.

work



here's a day in the life of me at work.

cushy?



24 years ago my parents got themselves knee deep in shit. yea, me. i came along and that was it. i know for a fact that i was a difficult one to deal with. shit, i had to deal with me. but i got to a thinking about how tough i really had it. so girls broke my heart on my sleeve, so i didn't make straight A's, or B's or whatever grades would have been good enough to be happy.



my dad:

born in tehran iran, joined the navy when he was 17, earned a scholoarship to northwestern in engineering for 5 years, in return he had to serve in the iranian navy for however many years he went to school. after finding out from higher ranked officers that it was not really like that, he was in the navy for the long haul, he opted for a vacation to europe 2 years into his service. an out of state vacation at that time had to be approved by the shah (king) himself. 8 months after applying he was granted the vacation. he left, told noboyd. lived in europe awal from the iranian navy, later on rendezvu'd with my mom, and went to the states to get married. a few years later iran had a huge revolution. the navy officer in charge of his ship was beheaded.



my mom:

born in wisconsin. 4th youngest in a litter of 5, as the only girl. as my mother turned 2 year old grampy left granny bird. mom and her mom held together the fam as the only 2 girls in the group consisting of 4 boys. grandma worked at nestle. mom went to get her teaching credentials and then while i was a young pup did classes at night to get her masters in special ed.



me:

biggest feat ever faced from 1979 till now: "mom, dad, i'm 16!!! how come i don't get my own car!!"

sure i have friends that are a bit more spoiled that i am, and i have friends not as spoilded. but i had access to a car when i needed. until i got the $$ to buy my own one. my life in comparison, i don't deserve what i have.



or do i?



my parents had one motivation to get them through the situations that they were in. although i've never heard them say explicity, they wanted to have a nice family, provide for that family, and live a nice, easy, cushy live while they're kids grow up at a nice pace and soon become independant, not having to struggle and work as hard as they had to. by living the life i live now, it's actually a service to my parents, showing that they're hard work and stress paid off big time. i did go to college, i have a job and am independant of them financially. i depend on them still. i couldn't last if they were to disappear, i call them at least once a week, just to say what's up and catchup on family news and events.



lookin onto the years ahead, for my kids, that's what i want for them, to not have to struggle, to equip them with what they need to find what they like, who they like, and how to care for the ones they love. sappy yea. but not my point, i'm saying that i'm thankful for mom and dad perservering some ugly obstacles for themselves, but also for me.

dvorak



after talking to a co-worker about my ergonomic keyboard that i brought in to work, since the standard one had been giving me pains in my wrists, i did some web research.



this is where i discovered the dvorak keyboard layout. it's different than the regular layout (referred to as qwerty because that's what the upper left hand corner spells when you look at it)



so i've tried to learn this new layout. i read on the web that 99.99% of keyboard users use qwerty keyboards, but virtually any keyboard can do both, it's just a simple click in windows to change from regular to dvorak. but where are the keys???



so i went in and put stickers on my keys! and then posted a diagram on my monitor. i practice 2x a day and only for 15 mins. it says a month is how long it takes to learn it, and it's easy to go back and forth. we'll see... this could cripple my typing skills forever, or make me dual keyboard layout compatible.





i'm up for both.



so here's a pic of this intresting layout:



notice the vowels are at the left and the consinants are on the right. and the most used letters are at your fingertips, like who the hell put the letter j at your right index finger? that's prolly the most dominant finger in the majority of the population and how many times did i use the letter j in this paragraph?



dvorak is supposedly the way better, just came to late, and nobody wanted to learn the better way. i am part of that .01% of the population, i will survive, i will one day post a post using dvorak's hard earned work to my benefit. that is all. and all is that.

presents



my friend emi, who lived in japan for 2 yrs, came by this evening. it was great to see her. one of my best friends for sure. she brought me a few gifts from japan. one was this shirt:









caption:

good afternoon i am a picnic

the blazing sun. lens flare of hexagon.

wao! i wonder whether i will violently become.

such a day wants to run barefooted by me, and take the bath like pajamas.

let's be so. and go there!



that's what the shirt has printed on it. so next time you see some japanese writing on something, and you ask someone to read it and they say it doesn't really make sense, or it's a bit weird.. it's prolly sorta something like this. makes one wonder doesn't it.

everybody's got a somebody! plan-B???



yesterday i went to staterBrothers. i spent 69.00+ on food. no booze, no smokes, no magazines, toilet paper, plastic dart shooting guns, or shampoo. just comida. some of those entities included $0.25 tina's burritos (16 of them total) gourmet hot dog buns, eggs, pickled peppers, frozen pizza, 5 cloves of garlic, sanwich stuff, 3.5lbs of fresh blood driping beef slices segregated into two equal size steaks. that's gonna be a goood move.

so i brought my lunch! made me two mouth watering sanwiches. one lasted the drive here and the walk to my desk, after that it was down the hatch. saving money at work lunch will allow me to spend more money on fun and games during the weekends...

so a co-worker asks me, you want to go get lunch? and i tell her that i brought a sanwich to eat and that i decided to save money on buying lunches (plus i have $0.00 in my wallet!!!) so i'd have to go to the ATM. she even complimented my sanwich, saying that it looked like a perfect sanwich!! it fit nice and snug in the ziplock bag and was proportioned perfectly with meat, chese, lettuce, and hidden jalapenos!

how she got onto the subject i have no idea, but she asked me if i had a girlfriend. i think it's cause another co-worker said "ameer's a batchelor, he's got money, his living at a batchelor pad he can pay for the girls" so that led to, her asking if i had a girlfriend. and i said no. then she continued to take what little respect i had from my co-workers and trample on me by saying nobody? you got nobody? not even a plan B???

shaking my head in shame i said yes. nobody. no plan B. i'm a loser, is that unacceptable? thing is someday i'm sure i will meet someone who considers me a plan B or C, then work my way up to their A. because as a run of the mill normal dude who's not rich or famous, i need a plan A girl in order to pick up a plan B one. there is not an option to have a plan B girl while plan A is to be a batchelor and single. that's why austin powers is so funny. that and he mocks english people.

and well today it happened. today i let my co-workers see my site. they now know of the entropy that exsists. i should clean up my act or take the words "carlton forge works" off my site just to prevent them from searching and destroying. work places are very touchy on things like this, issues concerning themselves. why? i dunno. extraconcervativeness is a word i made up just for this instance.



termites eat wood 2x faster when listening to rock music - snapple lid.

traffic



as an engineer, i have been taught to work with the different patterns in nature in order to find the most efficient (get the most for the least) method to live by. now i spend about 1.5 hrs a day on the freeway. noticing the patterns of individual drivers, as well as the freeway as a whole.



my perception is that it acts just as a pipe with water flowing through it. it couldn't be air, since air is compressible, and cars are not compressible just as water is not compressible.



here are my findings:

1. when you drive next to someone, they automatically speed up. even if the car in front of them is closer to them than the car in front of you. nobody likes to be driving next to someone. but they don't think about it.



2. when cruising, and all of a sudden coming to a stop, people feel the need to switch lanes in order to gain 1-3 car lengths, from the position that they'd be in if they had not switched lanes. but then 1 min later, the car that was behind them, is now 5-6 cars in front of them because in stop and go traffic, all cars move at the same speed, just at different times.



3. when you want to cut in front of someone, the only way to do it is with speed. keep your car behind them, don't pull up next to them, because instinctually they will speed up and close the gap between their car and the one in front of their car (your desired position). when you see your opportunity, speed up and pass them with a significantly higher speed then the one they are cruising at, so they have no chance to speed up and usually don't since they will just create an unsafe situaiton instead of just blocking you from their lane. and take the spot.



4. what i just wrote, is the reason traffic doesn't go as smooth as it could. if traffic on the freeway was like water, we'd all be courteous, we'd take turns merging, and we'd be kind instead of ruthless, recless, and thoughtless. intelligence is definately not reflected through driving. or maybe it is? maybe that's when the true personality comes out? nobody is there telling them what to do or influencing them, and somehow it's not so easy to inconspicuously look at someone without them noticing that you looking at them are while driving, so many people don't.



conclusion:

if we all took our time, and didn't try to cut everyone off and flowed a bit more like water instead of a pack of dogs jumping all over each other we'd get home that 2mins and 17secs earlier... regardless it just doesn't matter, and it really pisses everyone off to just sit on the freeway going 25mph in a 65mph zone.



i should start driving a motorcycle. cause then i'll be able to go in the carpool lane and inbetween cars, and it's legal! but i also think you die earlier if you ride a motorcycle... hmph.

party



had a party last night, i like partys. especially ones that i get to go to. since i threw this one, well helped throw it, i got to go. $79.72 got me 15 ice cold gallons of budlight, which i shared with anyone who came.



that list included 2 kids from san diego: hong and gene. gotta love those two.







there's this weird thing that happens at partys. everyone from all aspects of your life are represented. co-workers, highschool friends, college people, random aquaintences, and the people you see everytime you decide you want to have a good fun night. it's normal to see each person in different places, times, and situations. when they are all together... mingling among eachother, it's a weird place to be. but it's a nice place to be. i think i'll revisit it again. having partys is hard work, and clean up is a bitch, so is prep. is it all worth it in the end? i think so.











(insert transition here) the world (my world) did as it does everyday, it changed. this time, the change is permanent. will never be the same. i will never be the same. he had without a doubt in my mind, the purest, biggest, most naive, forgiving, childlike, heart. i don't think he spend a combined minute of his life upset, angry, or mad at anybody or thing. there's nothing i could have done to lose his trust, and it's a fact that he'd take a bullet, or one hundred bullets if that was the case for me. i'm really going to miss him. but 13 years ago, i didn't know that one being could be so genuine and unselfish (except when it came to food, he could eat like a horse, or a horse, whatevers bigger) but that only added to the personality. he loved me, i loved him.

ramble ramble



gonna ramble here:



so excited about getting a carbon fiber hood for my prelude, and one piece headlights. i apreciate that dorkyness stuff.. sure the car won't get better gas mileage, be faster, be more comfortable, sound better, or increase value. but it will make it just a smidge more fun to drive, and that's all i desire.



as far as work goes, i had a small part in a pretty big important presentation and well it went better than expected. as a result my boss came in and dropped 3 ben franklins on my desk for a job well done. i feel like i may have contributed 10% or less to the whole thing, but i was rewarded just as well as the guys who broke their backs getting this done. someday i'm sure i'll be training the new guy and do the 50% of the presentation while he coasts thru, but that's way down the line.



mom's coming to see my house saturday. i'm pretty ashamed of it, it's really...well batchelor pad-like. my room isn't so bad but i don't think she'll take so well to the huge stack of playboy magazines in the bathroom, or the mound of cigarette butts in the front planter, she may be appauled by the sticky spots on the tile floor, or the ashes covering the coffee table due to hookah coals. but we're going to make my room look nice! wait for pics =)



i've noticed green is my color. not to wear necessarily, but to have. i got a green room, green car, green thumb (i wish), soon i'll have a green bed, with green curtians and green hamper to match my green trashcan. gonna get a green clock and paint my stool green. daves loves green too. but i don't do the weed thing, i'm not a fan of the sticky green which one would think initiated my lust towards the combination of yellow and blue?



i'm trying to grow a little "soul patch" i'll update my webcam pic (and archives) soon enough, since i'm so lazy and well moving has caused me to not be on the internet so much as i'm on the freeway (15min commute has been replaced by 50-70min commute)



oh, and i bought 16candles yesterday! anthony michael hall is my hero in that flick... he deems himself "king of the dipshits" in the flick. then later tells the most desired senior in highschool (while he's a freshman) how to get chicks, and makes a breakfast martini for the both of them. i think in my former life i was that cool, cause now i'm so not king of the dipshits, more like normal dipshit.

budget



i'm not talking rent-a-car. i'm talking budgeting my own personal cash flow. the ins and outs of dollar signs to my own personal washington mutual free checking bank accnt.



i just spent $37.00 on cell phone accessories (i broke the antenna off my case, so i needed a new one) but then decided a red holster for $.01 (5.95 shipping) and a $3.99 ( 5.99 shipping!!) hands free kit thingy. pretty horrible how things add up. i mean 37 dollars is actually quite a bit of money and i just pissed it away on stupid cell phone stuff... not to mention i bought another case, broke the lcd trying to replace it (cost me $80.00 for an LCD and $40.00 to put the case on) man how much am i spending on this contraption that virtually nobody uses to contact me?? over $150.00!! and for what? a


red case and the thing is about this red case....




it's busted... how lame is that....



so i'm wondering how do i make all this money yet have none to buy cool junk. well there it is ladies and gentlemen, there's my cool stuff. i kno i'm lame i'm an idiot you got me i'm hongshin. (he used to say that in H.S. alllll the time)



but yea. as of today, stupid purchases will either be taken account for, or will be thought through a bit more so that i either have money or know what stupid places mine ended up at. i guess that's all i can say i learned about this today.



btw, big fiesta at mi casa on the 20th, come by, ask for directs. it'll be fun. maybe a girl or two will even show up?! who knows!

comments are back!!!

contemplation



i'm sitting in contemplation... do i go for a jog, or do i sit here and play with my computer? i did install a KVM on my two comptuers it's pretty cool... the vid takes a bit to download.. just be patient, it's so worth it, in a nerdy way.



birthdays are fun, gene had tons of fun during adam's birthday. as you can see



adam got his voice back, and is sure using it here.



i love going to san diego. it's so nice to go to and feel as though i too don't have a job and don't worry about things, and just hang out and have fun.



back to the jogging thing... i clocked out on the way to work that it's 0.7 miles to the end of the street that we live on. so there and back is 1.4 miles. that's almost a mile and a half!!! what a good start to my "great body goal" (i plan on being a ruff and tuff buff guy end of the year. or so) so jogging will rid me of my fatty belly and love handles (whom nobody really loves)



that's it, i'm going to do it! i'm off to jog! PEACE OUT LATES!!!

change of lifestyle



last week i had nobody to come home to. now i have 3 roomates, a garage and a backyard. and above all my room is painted green. i've gotten motivation now, i'm back on my computer doing things that are productive instead of things that are destructive.

speaking of destructive, my car.... deborah... she got in an accident.

she needs some work. some TLC. but i figure that she'll come back with a vengance!



as will i, once i get drapes in my room =)

energy



why is it that sleep sneaks up on us in the most worstest times. say in class. man i've dozed off in my share of classes. just sit there, no talking. put your pen down for a sec, rub your eyes. and soon it's sideways head, tounge out, snoring, drooling, and EVERYONE watching. so what, that's not so bad, besides some humiliation. now if the teacher sees you that's another story.

Now. at work it's totally different. man, i fight at work my hardest, to stay up and awake and alert and not look like i'm tired as heck. BUT today i fail. as i write this i'm taking the longest blinks one can possibly take before he just has closed eyes. stretching helps, rubbing my eyes makes me wanna just pass out. i'd pay, i'd so pay to just get to my house right now and in my bed within the next 2 minutes. focusing on the screen is becoming more and more difficult. it's cold in here, that's kinda keeping me up, but MAN i can't stay awake. and i have been in this phase more than one time before... i am so familiar with where i am yet how do i cope with it?



who the hell knows. but there is one thing i do know. at 4:30 when i leavee.... i'll have SO much energy to go here and there and do this and that. instead of going home and doing that which i'd love to do more than anythingg else: sleep.



so am i really sleepy at work, or am i just bored out of my mind. could be both.

my new room

52 card pickup



ever play that game as a kid, 52 card pickup? where you ask someone if they wanna play, and they dunno what it is, and then you throw all the cards in the air, and say "pick them up!"



that's how life feels today.





yea, my cards are all over the floor and i'm picking them up. some people pick the cards up really fast. some people will be discusted and just walk away. others, like me... we'll sit there, asses the situation. wonder why the heck we didn't see that a game called 52 card pickup would be just that. picking up 52 cards, and how that could have been avoided.



am i talking about one thing in general? nope. tons of stuff. everything. i got a ticket yesterday for doing an illegal u turn, then got a parking ticket in the spot i u turned into 3 hrs later. my psudo love life, which hasn't really existed for the past few months is slowly disintegrating without any means for me to hold it together. i'm moving yet again, and have no motivation/desire to pack up this shit i just unpacked in this craphole appt i've rented out for almost my whole paycheck the last three months. what really gets me, and the reason that i feel defeated right now, it's saturday. i look forward to saturdays like a child looks forward to dessert, and i have NO plans. tonight could end up right here, on my computer. in my app. in norwalk. in my sulking, self pity-ing, depressed mood.



now i find that most of the time when i have an issue, i write it down. to someone who cares mostly. this way i see and think about expressing how i feel and what really has got me down. that way i find a counter to my sadness. and i am able to get myslef somewhat of a remedy to the situation. working towards the greater good is something that i've been learning in my "leadership" meetings. and well... my greater good is me being content with me. maybe that will happen someday, i just gotta shake off these games of 52 card pickup.











so i just smoke a cig, and get off my ass. cause what else is there really to do? right?

what people say



at my work, we have these meetings. every tuesday. they call them "leadership meetings". everyone's invited. the president of the company usually attends and conducts them. they teach sayings. the company is run on sayings. instead of laying cut and dry rules, we have sayings. most of the sayings are based on common sense. they teach these sayings, and thus teach the way of the company.

the company is run on sayings.



some say that they sayings apply to everyday life. some say the sayings apply to work only. some think it's crap. some live off the stuff.



me, where am i on the situation? can't answer that, since i've only attended 2 meetings.



but what do i think about running a company on philosophical ideas? who knows... people totally live they're own lives by these values... so it could happen.



so i started to think of what sayings that i like to say. i always bust them on people, and then here i am i forgot what it is i say! so then today i decided to write them down. i'm gonna keep a book or something or document them...



you can't catch a fish, if you're hook's not in the water



that's a favorite of mine. dunno why... dad said it. someone else may have also.



it's night time, bed time.

the living quarters....



i'm moving yet again. three months after moving into my own appt, here at porto bella, i'm moving out. so many people haven't seen this place that i think should have. so i'm posting it now, for your enjoyment of how 'intresting' my life can be.





this is my living room





this is the other side of the same room (note the ghetto A/C unit on a stool that leaks so there's a bucket that collects the water. =(





hand me down couch. with an end table for a coffee table.





the fridge that is just too big, and the damn dolly it rode in on.





what a beautiful kitchen!





the too small fridge and it's little buddy the microwave





it's almost sad isn't it.





now this IS sad. condiments anyone? note the rooster sauce is there, and on the edge for quick access. that's a bag of peas in the fridge.





out my door.





ladies calm down, but yes ameer does sleep here.





there's turntables there i swear.





el bano, si!



that's my place... it's hot as shit and it's shit. all the water faucet knobs are backwards, ex, hot is cold

this place spits in thermodynamic's face, it actually creates heat, yes from nothing, heat is created. so i got two a/c units, and put them in the two windows i have, the other one has a huge fridge by it.

casa de navidi soon to be no more, i'd rather live with 3 sloppy smelly fat men that pick their butts and eat pizza. costa mesa here i come!

" you can see monday written on everyone's face in here"



a co worker walked in today and said that monday quote to everyone. he hit the nail on the head.



there are SO many more people than i anticipated driving on the freeway at 4:15am monday.



today the lyrics of no doubt's - don't speak, hit home never heard that song like that before.



the movie "the red violin" was a great movie. i loved it. this red violin from 1681... we watched the life of the violin from then till today. intresting. the violin brought pain and suffering to everyone who possesed it. in the process of watching that movie i got a hint of the violin's bad luck. the box shoulda had a disclaimer on it for ameer's,



::caution if you or anyone you know is an ameer, the surgeon general states that viewing this video has been proven to yield bad luck::



self pity is such a sad state tho, so i'll leave that alone for now... only suckers wish they could go back.



played pool... i miss playing pool. i really miss it. even though i got my ass handed to me time and time again, it was a good ass handing. give me a few more decades of practice and i'll be the bad ass handing people's asses to them =) muhahahha (pretty assy)

my job and the web



i've been getting quite a bit of hits to my web site from the search words "name of my company here" which apparently is where i work!

i'd like to say first off that i'm not representing the company at all with my website, but i'm guessing that the people searching google or yahoo or excite or msn.com are those poor recent grads who haven't found jobs quite yet.

i've been there, and that place (being unemployed) SUCKS.



so i'm out to help, if anyone does read this and they can't find info about my job's company, (cause we don't have a website, actually they don't have anything really on the internet acout the company) -5/14/2004 my boss asked me to delete the company's name because he didn't like me being the only thing on the net traced back to my company. so i have taken it back.



here's the basics. it's a small company 200-250 employees.

the company is not your regular company, it's unconventional, but in a good way, they use common sense here, i guess, that's a way to put it.



i'm in the quality dept, and they're training me to be a metallurgist.

this is a privately owned company (that means no stock market stuff)

it's in paramount CA, which is 3 miles east of compton... but this place is safe, no worries about that.



any other info you'd want to know email me. my email is in my little profile thing on the right, you have to delete part of it cause i'm anti getting spam (they have programs that search websites you know)



other combinations of words that have taken search engine users to my site are for example "up to ears in boobs" these people may not find exactly what they're looking for on this site. but i welcome you to come and read my site

my family

wacky wed.





so today is thrusday. yes good ol thursday.



but first let's talk wed. so wed i get home, after having a hot dog for lunch (which i came home and made) along with my egg sanwich.. i decided that i'm going to start making some food for myself and then just heat it up when i get home for lunch. so i got home from work, and made another hot dog. =(



THAT'S when i said to myself this is too much. and went to the grocery store... $100.00 later, i have food at my appt. i've never spent so much $$ at the grocery store, it's usually like <$50.00 i mean, damn.. i doubled my most expencive grocerystore run! and well i dunno if you know but i'm not really "in the money" i'm actually constantly running on empty. which allows for a good transistion into my next wed event...



so luis called me while i was grocery shopping and he's like, so man, you wanna move in with us, then you gotta move in sept. cause that's when we can do it. *think to myself, that's only 3 months into my 6 mo lease* you'll prolly lose your deposit, how much was it? $400.00 BUT in the 3 months of paying $300.00-$400.00 dollars less you may be able make up that 400 dollar deposit in the first month! (current rent = 895, possible future rent = 500-600) so that's a good thing, bad thing is that i'm moving AGAIN!



let's count.

lived in costa mesa for 2 yrs, you helped me move down in the summer to hong's(such a sweet girl)

3mo later, i moved back up to the 4 girls and me

3mo later i moved BACK to hongs

3mo later i moved to lakewood with my cousin

3mo later i moved into my appt.

2mo later i'm about to move in a month, see a pattern, i'm a nomad, a gypsy, a wanderer, a man with no home. (i do have an extensive collection of addresses and house keys) hopefully i will rest my feet for more than 3 months after this 5th time of staying put for only 3 months.



so onto today. i am seeing elisa today.... somehow, somehow she initially said she'd go to my bday thing at that club, where hong and babbs went to. then she didn't show up. later on she said she'd take me out to eat for my bday, cause she missed it. NOW it's today we're meeting up and she's like: you can take me out cause my birthday! (which is aug 7th) and cause she's leaving.... how did me getting taken out to dinner totally get switched into me taking her out to dinner, and she wants to go to sushi in west hollywood.



so this is where i complain to you... i don't like that.

actually i really feel good about doing the 100.00 grocerys, i've been doing 10 pushups a day for the past three days. i'm going to do 10 pushups for 7days then 15 for 7days and then 20 for 7days then 25 for 7days... and etc.. i think that'll be kinda cool... then situps 20 then 30 then 40... so we'll see how long i can keep it up. cause i figured baby steps and this is WAY baby steps... also eat REALLY slow. like MAD slow, chew the heck outta my food. it's embarrasing to scarf down your food and everyone's just enjoying it, i feel so primal and unmannered - like how i make up words.



so yea, that's wed. and thurs... expect to hear about the elisa encounter tomorrow. have a nice day! bye!



~Ameer

on a weird thought, i realized that i'm really happy being the guy who's NOT dating courtney cox.



on a random discussion about how i'm chandler and i'm out living in tulsa, smoking, while all my "friends" are back in NY doing nothing everyday all day except fun stuff. only exception is that i'm NOT dating courtney cox. then like in an afterschool special i daydreamed about actually being the random nobody to actually date courtney cox. getting publicity and getting tabloids... wowing my co-workers, friends and family, bringing her to mom and dad and completely showing off that a nobody like me can bring home a rich famous pretty girl like such. then i realized that i'd be forever known as the guy who dated courtney cox. like how some people meet girls and start dating them yet they never introduce them to you, or very rarely bring them around, so they are deemed _____'s girlfriend. only i'd be this on a HUGE scale. this would really bring down my value as an undiscovered hot guy (self proclaimed of course) i'd be a used for a bit hot guy (cause how the hell could i date and then go onto marry courtney cox?) so as it is, being a nobody keeps my stock up, keeps me the man i am today. dating courtney cox is a quick up and then an infinite down...





unless i move on to jennifer?

morning email to nancy



Well...



went to the macaroni grill for dinner. and i know you've done this before everyone has. where you order something in hopes that it's a bit more volume than quality. then when the food comes it's like a wanna be top knotch restraunt platter (translation: no food, and not that hot of quality) so yea that happened to me. i got the italian equivalent of 3 mini chicken quesedillas. i'm sorta trying to cut back the amt of food i eat by regulating how fast i eat and this was a very helpful meal to that goal. BUT i think it should have cost me 3.99 not 9.99.... i suffered as i saw the other people at the table (there were about 20 it was my friend's bday) take home leftovers or complain about how much food they had. i on the other hand, was painstakingly trying to eat as slow as possible and talk as much as possible. i still had my plate looking brand spanking new by the time people were just about half way done with their food.

am i bitter? temporarily. what will i do about it? gotta start asking more questions. i ordered what i ordered in hopes that it was what i had previously ordered on a different visit to the grill. because i was most satisfied then.

and i still spent 20.00 on drinks... drinks will be the death of me, they will be the death, but how can i hit up a 21yr bday party and not buy the bday girl a drink? that's a mortal sin in my book, and i don't have such a big book to begin with.



how was your tuesday?

new ideas



talking to my compadre luis about my site. and how i can expand it, cause frankly i think it's boring. i'm not boring, and i look at other people's sites and they seem like people i want to know. but then i read about them and they're boring. then i search a bit more and see a horifyingly boring site which is produced by someone (after reading this i find out) is very intresting, but the site content, besides the text, is boring!



i'd like to say i'm an intresting person, i have a skewed view of the world, i don't floss regularly, i'll eat anything, my friends are mongrils and antipop-christian haters (maybe not christian haters) sure i have a PDA, and i work as a metallurgist with a company that's 95% nerdy males, but i didn't say cool, or hip, or people want to be me, i said intresting... like people should ponder what's going on in my head, but more times than none they'd be wrong since i'm so rambunctious.



then reality hit.





(note: my comments are not registering that i have comments... so even tho it's a ::comments :: [0] it actually could be 1 or 2 !! whoo hoo, so click to find out the truth!)

yea i'm not cool. but then yea i'm not intresting either! and i have a dull page! a full on triple threat! a turkey! XXX - hardcore! the all time low rock bottom point is now. i've touched it.



then i realized that i'm wrong. everyone is intresting, if they are presented in the right way. i just spit that out and luis said "that's an intresting way of looking at things" but then i thought more about it and i thought yea, that is kinda right. everyone has something intresting about them and if they don't then the unintresting parts can be portrayed as intresting, but it's the delivery, the layout of the story.. the whole presentation has to be right. some people just are so intresting that they don't need a great presentation, i wish i was part of that category, i am not. i need good presentation.... my layout is boring, i know, it's simple and it's green, not to be confused with simple green (all natural cleaner) but that's me, simple and green although i'm more of the horny green than the envy green, i suppose.



so it's content. i need to present content. WIP on that one (work in progress). someday someday i will have another part to high-entropy.com and it'll be more neato burrito than you thought possible.



went to get sixteen candles on DVD, it's non existant, what is that?? that's like a staple movie in american youth culture! this movie should be shown in schools across the nation. ok so i did some research just now, and well looks like it's release date is 9/2/2003 man i sound like a 15yo girl.... MAYBE I AM, and that's the intresting thing about me...



well that's life, and life is that.

download this it may only take 2 mins, but it will give you a lifetime of pleasure, for everyone who ever went to a school basketball game! no honestly hong gave me this and it's the FUNNIEST thing. what are the chances?

dreams come true



wanna hear a sappy story? well then read aloud:



i graduated in dec. and spent 2 miserable unemployed months at "hotel pan" which i later deemed to be "the black hole" cause it sucked me down. kept me there too.



there were only a few things that brought me out of the black hole writing songs with daves was one of them. i longed to have an appt of my own somewhere in west LA (where it's just cool to be) making money having a job, being independant, not worrying about someone's parent's rules about alcohaul in the house or peeking in my bedroom at 7am on a saturday morning to see if i had a girl sleep over or not. writing songs was fun, but didn't pay for my car payment or my electricity bill. and i know wasn't going to take care of my student loan. i got a call one day, and it was for an interview. yadda yadda yadda here i am yesterday, after a sh*tty day at work i came home and good ol daves was there with some MGD in a can and a new song he had just composed. he said, all i need now is lyrics! as we sat and drank and talked and sang i realized that i'm living my 6-7 month old dream.

my own appartment, no black hole pulling me down. i'm still somewhat broke and i'm still far from eternal happyness, but damn i'm in a much better place than i was 7 months ago. in a happier place.



i also just got word that my nextel contract is up, so i'm moving on to another company, cause nexel's $90/month payment is just not what i would like to spend my money on. suggestions? cingular? verison? t-mobile? (catherine!!) at&t?



i love getting new phones, i also love changing my phone number, it filters out the mess. and those who i call on a reg basis will get my new no. in a day or so... so many people hold on to their phone numbers, as if people memorize them or even remember what area code that they're in. i know two phone numbers, mom's and mine. mom's cause i gotta call my mom. and mine cause then i can give it out to all the ladies who ask for it (NOTE: none have so far but soon i expect tons)



thus concludes the life of ameer navidi, he lived a wonderful prosperous life and yes his pants were tight and his shoes were light.