lots of things..

There's so many things, there's just lots of things!

things usually is a good thing for me, i look for girls

with things i like to buy things with things... i mean

overall i enjoy lots of things

but lately my things are starting to take a toll on me

i have too many involvements, like how i work 10 hrs a

day then go and spend three solid days doing orientation

stuff and friend time!!

it's nice to come home with nothing to do once in a while

but i'm not 1005 sure what i mean by that cause i am

so afraid of being alone... most people are, but that

doesn't make it ok.

so lately i've been doing something different. i've been

sitting somewhere, sometimes at work, sometimes at home,

or even in the car. and i think up something that's worth

writing down (for me at least) and so i jot down a few ideas

or like a flow chart of concepts...

so i can later go back and write about them either here or

somewhere else.

here's some examples:

1.) coffee breath,

-need coffee to stay awake,

-gum to stay fresh...

-need cash to buy gum

-need a job to get cash

-need coffee to survive at a job

2.) cranky:

snapping @ people

not sleeping

being idle @ work

tired at work

take it out on friends and family...

3.) the mentality "well since i'm working then..."

-controlling mentality

-control freak

-destiny

-lazyness

-letting destiny take course or being lazy?

lazy/scared

these are some notes that i jot down to later write about...

the only bad part is that i don't remember the stuff that

fills out these random outlines.

cause i'm pretty much in a daydream when i think of them, and

then i go into this sort of realization on the way out of the

daydream, and viola, there's my outline! if i could type 50 words

a second i could document in detail what it is that i was

thinking, but i couldn't so that's where the notes come in and

that's where they go!

damn



i feel that i've been pretty up to par on the flow of blogs lately.

but i haven't....



see it's like all blogs are interlinked. nobody blogs their own stuff and sticks to just that. they have at least somebody that they read about on another blog page...

so in result they are in touch with the blog community.. "web" springs to mind for more than obvious reasons.



anyhow, i've been out of the "web of blogs" just lately... like it was a really high point, then dipped, now it's picking up and i don't have a second blog wind!!!!



i do sit at work and think of things to write about, but then i "pull a naveeds" and leave that shit at work!!! damn it, this blog would have been semi intresting had i not stayed at work till i just couldn't bear to be there and then jet out at mach speed...



speaking of work, i'm gonna have to be there mighty soon, so i'm gonna peaceoutlates word to your mother and all that good stuff

just a baaad day



i consider my self a pretty goofy charachter. i was talking to sticky vicki yesterday about how i strangely felt sincere when i usually make fun of the poor girl. why i felt that way i had no idea. until today hit.



normally i'm you're run of the mill joker, smartass, happy-go-lucky kinda guy who can shrug off the bad and focus on the good...



today was different. i came home from work cranky, pissed off.. i was al bundy!!!

why the heck was i so upset? nothing bad at work happened... nothing bad with me happened. and for some reason i focused only on the bad things that went wrong. my dad chewed me out today cause my car wasn't working, the passport lady said my head was too big in the picture, i got lost trying to pick up my dad's car, the bank didn't have deposit envelopes!!!



small things



the small things are what really get you goin.



*now let's focus on the good things:

at work i learned how to make an html file for my email signature, i was so excied about it that i took this picture to put in it:







i think it's funny. other's prolly won't but hey, it makes my day that much better, and damnit. it's the little things that destroy or make your day....



another thing that i found i really enjoyed was time alone... i love eveyone i chose to surround myself with, but i really enjoy time alone these days. usually i need someone to go to the store with me cause i can't go solo. now i'm dying to just chill by myself for an hr... i got to mix 4 records today and even tho that's like 15 mins, it was the best damn part of my day!

maybe tomorrow will turn into 20 mins!!!



my half empty glass is turning half full slowly.

vegas



the math of las vegas:



+80 inital value

- 40 roulet

- 20 drinks

- 20 boxers/socks/t-shirt

+ 15 dad felt like i needed some money

+96 roulet again! thanks hong and tiff for picking winners!!!



overall not a bad weekend! besides the fact that i thougth it was more important to take the trash from the front yard to the back yard and forget my bag right there in the front yard so i had to wear the same damn clothes.. felt pretty stupid.. my family and didn't hlep me forget it either.



highlights:

seeing my brother play drinking games with my mom

learning how to play blackjack, 300 dollars worth....

leaving las vegas at 6:30 am

wearing the same clothes for an entire weekend builds charachter

grape fights in a hotel room build messes



on good think about vegas is the car ride. it's long, it's boring. how could that be good? well you get to talk to whoever you're driving with... and sure i'd much rather be driving in suv packed with hot girls who think i'm the funniest, sexiest, best catch of the year batchelor. but i think i had just as much fun talking my roomate's ear off,



he asked me a question that i've not thought about tho, he said, " are you looking for a girlfriend? "

and i thought about it and wasn't sure what to say. i mean people are always keeping an eye out for that someone to just majically appear rite? but as a main priority, i have to say not really... but that's been my mentality for a while now, and it occured to me that it may be able to change. i can always change my mind. anyone can change! it's the surrounding expectations that don't change, the external taliking behind backs that comes back to your face that people fear.

if my favorite color is red, and it's been red, but then i sorta notice that i really am not liking red anymore and green is just so appealing, but still everyone thinks that red is what i still like and all my bday presents are red, mom buys me red cereal.. it's hard to change your mind and let it be public...



that's what i thought when heard the question. then i thought do i want to change my mind? i'm not sure. i'll sleep on it... that's all i really have to say about that i guess

idiot



i find myself being more of an idiot every day.

why i dunno?

i don't really have any concrete examples... i just feel that way, i feel like a fool. like the people who i interact with laugh at me for being so oblivious behind my back... i really wish people would just laugh in front of my face so that i would know what they are laughing about!!!!



went to costco today. gotta love those polish sausages!



so it's been like a week since i updated this pathetic excuse of a web site.

i've been learning Pro/E, it's a CAD (computer aided design) program,

runs about $1500.00 and is a definite skill if anyone knows how to use it,



these are the exciting things i have to write about...



being an engineer i'm unable to observe and sometimes interact with girls, which is basically the

theme of this web site and my writings.



not associating with girls also takes a negative toll on my thought process...

pathetic how independant i seem to be yet how dependant i really am. sad thing is that

the girls that i'm so dependant on have no clue whatsoever.



that makes me sad, now i know why i feel like an idiot